Change is good.

In my teen years, I never went out much.  I never went to house parties or to clubs.  Heck, I never even had my first alcoholic drink until I turned the big 2-1.  (didn't miss out much on that. I'd honestly rather have a Dr. Pepper)  I didn't go out much on dates or have friends over and vice versa.  I was more of a home-body.  I enjoyed my alone time, in my room, writing or listening to music.  Occasionally, I'd do some Tae-Bo here and there, and from time to time I'd watch a little tv.  And I, of course, worked a full time job.

As I grew older and ever so gracefully said hello to my twenties, things began to change.  I began to long for the night life, and for a drink every now and then.  I began to feel as if I was missing out on all the fun.  And then, I got pregnant at the tender age of 20, and an unexpected pregnancy it was.  I mean, okay okay... there are consequences to our actions, but sometimes you just don't ever think they apply to you in the exact moment and/or situation. (true story)  This is typically the age where its all about partying and just having fun.  Instead, here I was getting 2 hours of sleep a night with a newborn.  Not exactly my idea of fun or partying at the time.

As months, and even years went on, I began to feel as if I missed out on some very important years of my life; some years that I will never get back.   It was like I went to sleep, and woke up 5 years later, and started a new life.  When really, that's kinda how it happened.  I woke up one day, and I was pregnant.  It was no longer about me, myself, and I.  But I had another being to worry about.  All of which was very and extremely overwhelming.  Not to mention, I felt disappointment from friends and family, and even more so in myself.  I wasn't sure where I was going with my life, but I was obviously in a rush to get there.  Just like I was in a rush to go back; to go back and experience all that I had "missed out" on.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.  ~Anatole France

 

Today, things are different.  I'd say about a year ago, that longing for going out dissipated, along with the desire for a mixed Jolly Rancher.  All I want to do these days, is sit quietly in my room or in my office and become inspired; inspired by myself, my family, and my faith.  I want to go on a family vacation; one that doesn't require a 24/7 agenda, but one where there is nothing to do but relax.  I simply don't care about the "night life", anymore.  I care about growing my family, growing my business, and more importantly, growing my faith.

and yeah, its the small things I miss, these days... Like THIS for one:

Call me old.  Yeah, sometimes I'm in bed before 10, and yeah sometimes I don't like staying out late.  But I also shake my butt in the kitchen, sing at the top of my lungs in the car, and long for a Ford Mustang.

Um, I'm cool no matter what. =D

I am me, and this is me, today. 

A mom.
A wife.
An entrepreneur.


This is my life.

And yeah, I'm still in a rush, but this time not to go backward, but forward.  Into the future.  I want to see where else priorities change, and I want to see where else importance shifts its weight.  I want to see where the yellow brick road leads...

Faith, Love, and Jolly Ranchers,
Casey