HALLELUJAH!!!
My fat, bloated butt has made its way to the DOUBLE DIGITS, and unfortunately, there is no "party in my tummy". I still haven't been able to eat what my taste buds desire, and quite frankly, its putting me an ugly mood.
This bloated belly. Um. Ew. Its gross. One of my BFF's is a few weeks ahead of me in Preggersville, and she's already feeling her bundle of joy move around. Me on the other hand? Yeah... all I feel is gas, and more gas... oh, and more gas. Like, I need to open up my own station equipped with "Regular" and "Premium", and I almost want to add, "Diesel", because on some days, yeah, its that bad. I said it when I was a tiny Princess, and I'll say it now as Princess of Whales, ladies don't fart. Now, I know there is more room on the outside than on the in, but geez, there must have been some alternative as to where gas is released... Lord, its not lady like. For men, yeah... its natural. But for women? C'mon, now. Couldn't you have made some other outlet source? Maybe? Perhaps? eh?
Last night, in my attempt to "detox" my body, I whipped up so yummy eggs with chives and toasted some Kashi whole wheat blueberry waffles. Yeah. Total fail. I nearly puked after a tiny bite of eggs. And the waffles?? They didn't help push everything down, but rather, everything went round and round... and round and round. So round and round, I tossed and turned the entire night in whole wheat regret.
Anywho... So last pregnancy... Okay, wait that sounds like I've been pregnant enough time to count on all five fingers. Scratch that. When I was preggo with Aislynn, I bought a nice little journal that I wrote in every.single.day. I even went as far as to doodle and add quotation bubbles to the poorly drawn stick figures aka illustrations. This go-round, that book is sadly collecting dust. And seeing that dust collect after an entire month (today, to be exact), makes me wonder what kind of mother I'm going to be to this child? Geez, I can't even fill out a couple of lines, each day. What in the world makes me think I'm going to be able to run after one, while tending to the other? The thought scares the heck out of me, to be quite honest. How do moms with multiple little ones do it AND keep their sanity?? Lord, knows I couldn't handle all of that, and I think that was a major part of us waiting 5 years to get preggo again.
But now... now, I've forgotten it all. I've forgotten how to be a mother to an infant. Aislynn is my little teenager, and to think I used to put diapers on her just completely blows my mind. I'm sure once Cupcake arrives, I'll get slapped back into reality, but I'd much rather be softly placed with an automatic remembrance brain nudge. That can happen... right??
So, my next appointment is on the 29th, and I can't wait to hear that sweet gallop of pitter-patter. It warms my heart so, and it reminds that although I'm a whale in pain, this whale has a tender heart full of love ready to share!
Faith, Love, and Gas,
Casey
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
9 Weeks & a Cherry Bomb.
**Warning** Post may be graphic for some. Sense of humor required**
"Cherry Bomb" is what Jr used to call me back when I spat venom without a care in the world... back before I found Jesus and His love. These days, I may have to unwillingly reclaim my title thanks to the hormones raging inside of this preggo bodice of mine.
And its not helping that some are trying to push my preggo buttons, which is probably not the best idea. I'm not in the best of happy magical unicorns, radiant rainbows, and fluttering butterflies kind of a mood, and I may hurt some feelings. Just being honest, here. And while I more than likely won't mean what I say, I can't exactly control how my hormones will spaz. Sorry, but you have been warned. I still love you, though.
While in this first not-so-lovely trimester, I have every right to "complain" and rant and rave over how awful I'm feeling. I try to dig down deep and find some comfort, and I usually can, but when you feel like this 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for weeks on end, its exhausting... more mentally than physically. It gets to a point where you feel THIS is how its going to be forever... kinda like the last month of your pregnancy when you decide you're just going to be pregnant, forever. and ever. ha!
Now, I'm sure once I hold my sweet sweet Cupcake in my arms, all will be forgotten, but until that time comes, the discomfort is felt in every fiber of my being; from my full head of hair, to my frozen toes. Like, I have to ask myself, "Is this normal? God, what in the world were You thinking when you conjured up your lists of preggo symptoms and then put them into play? Don't you love me and the preggo women of the world??" Of course, I know the answer to that, duh. I just can't help but keep reminding myself, "I didn't experience this with Aislynn...not to this degree", and that makes me wonder what in the heck is growing inside of me? Cupcake, be nice to mommy. Pwweeeese.
Let's oogle the typical symptoms of a 1st Trimester Pregnancy:
via: http://www.parenting.com/gallery/early-signs-of-pregnancy?pnid=357959
Whether you want to or not, read it. Its good intellectual info that may gain you some type of insight as to why am I mouthing off and not being the sweet and loveable Casey that everybody knows and loves.
12) Super Smell:
Moral of the story:
Don't mess with a hormonal preggo lady!
This Messican/Scottish Irish blood + Alief/SWAT background + the influence of El Salvadorian ways + Busy photography season + 1 time mom already + ALL of the above = Your Worst Nightmare. =] I'm sure I can think of other scary factors to add to the equation, but I don't want to scare you enough to pause your relationship with me until July 8, 2012.
And for those, thinking I am being ungrateful for this blessing... Really, I don't even think I need to address that. Get a life, and quick nitpicking at mine. Please and thank you.
ps. I still love, everyone. Just like my mother says, "At least, you come by it honest."
<3
Faith, Love, and HORMONES,
Casey
"Cherry Bomb" is what Jr used to call me back when I spat venom without a care in the world... back before I found Jesus and His love. These days, I may have to unwillingly reclaim my title thanks to the hormones raging inside of this preggo bodice of mine.
And its not helping that some are trying to push my preggo buttons, which is probably not the best idea. I'm not in the best of happy magical unicorns, radiant rainbows, and fluttering butterflies kind of a mood, and I may hurt some feelings. Just being honest, here. And while I more than likely won't mean what I say, I can't exactly control how my hormones will spaz. Sorry, but you have been warned. I still love you, though.
While in this first not-so-lovely trimester, I have every right to "complain" and rant and rave over how awful I'm feeling. I try to dig down deep and find some comfort, and I usually can, but when you feel like this 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for weeks on end, its exhausting... more mentally than physically. It gets to a point where you feel THIS is how its going to be forever... kinda like the last month of your pregnancy when you decide you're just going to be pregnant, forever. and ever. ha!
Now, I'm sure once I hold my sweet sweet Cupcake in my arms, all will be forgotten, but until that time comes, the discomfort is felt in every fiber of my being; from my full head of hair, to my frozen toes. Like, I have to ask myself, "Is this normal? God, what in the world were You thinking when you conjured up your lists of preggo symptoms and then put them into play? Don't you love me and the preggo women of the world??" Of course, I know the answer to that, duh. I just can't help but keep reminding myself, "I didn't experience this with Aislynn...not to this degree", and that makes me wonder what in the heck is growing inside of me? Cupcake, be nice to mommy. Pwweeeese.
Let's oogle the typical symptoms of a 1st Trimester Pregnancy:
via: http://www.parenting.com/gallery/early-signs-of-pregnancy?pnid=357959
Whether you want to or not, read it. Its good intellectual info that may gain you some type of insight as to why am I mouthing off and not being the sweet and loveable Casey that everybody knows and loves.
1) Shortness of Breath:
I feel like I weigh 3,000 lbs, and haven't worked out a day in my entire life.
2) Sore Breasts:
Heaven help me... I can't even hug Jr tightly that is how bad it is... like he has some rare disease that I can die from simply by touching the man. I can't sleep on my side comfortably without sharp pains. And my bras.... well they no longer properly fit.
3) Fatigue:
Yes, please. I would LOVEEEE to sleep all.day.long. Not because I want to, but because my body is telling me to.... and sometimes forces me to.
4) Nausea:
24/7.... I will however, admit, its getting SLIGHTLY better, and I am so grateful.
But considering how nauseated I am, its not much of a difference. Don't put anything up to my nose to smell. I will physically hurt you, and then possibly puke all over you. Sowweee.
5) Frequent Urination:
I can't even keep count of how many times I get up in the middle of the night... basically enough to grab a pillow and blanket and sleep beside the royal throne. And that's considering I have a VERY loyal bladder otherwise. If anyone needs extra pee, I'm your go-to gal!
6) Backaches:
I have to continuously remind myself that I am ONLY 25, and not 85.
7) Cramping:
Thank goodness, its gone... I felt like 13 again and on my period. oy vey.
8) Cravings or Food Aversions:
I want a Strawberry Sonic Slush, and a zillion Firecracker Popsicles.
Like, NOW!
9) Constipation and Bloating:
Geez, can't a girl just poop??? I mean really... it doesn't help me feel any less whale-like, that's for sure. =P
10) Mood Swings:
All of my preggo friends have rivers flowing.... Me? I need to invest in a punching bag and go bare knuckles on that sucker. I've already thrown something across my bedroom, and no, I'm not proud of that. I felt like an idiot, but now, I know my BB is one strong piece of a technical device. But that alone, is enough to say a prayer for my anger management. =/
11) Elevated Basal Body Temperature:
I'm Jr's snuggle bunny @ night. However, he's like a grizzly bear directly in middle of hibernation. The snoring is errr... yeah, I try not to complain, and I get shut eye once he's up and off to work. I know he's tired, too; he works hard.
12) Super Smell:
I think its become my new super power....but more like Superman and kryptonite...its not a good thing.
13) Dizzy or Fainting:
No fainting thank goodness, but dizzy, yes.... however, its very rare.
14) Spotting:
No, thank God, because I would continuously freak out... I've never "spotted" in my entire life, and this would def not be the ideal time to start. lol
15 & 16) Are obvious... Late period and positive pee stick. =]
Moral of the story:
Don't mess with a hormonal preggo lady!
This Messican/Scottish Irish blood + Alief/SWAT background + the influence of El Salvadorian ways + Busy photography season + 1 time mom already + ALL of the above = Your Worst Nightmare. =] I'm sure I can think of other scary factors to add to the equation, but I don't want to scare you enough to pause your relationship with me until July 8, 2012.
And for those, thinking I am being ungrateful for this blessing... Really, I don't even think I need to address that. Get a life, and quick nitpicking at mine. Please and thank you.
ps. I still love, everyone. Just like my mother says, "At least, you come by it honest."
<3
Faith, Love, and HORMONES,
Casey
Friday, December 2, 2011
Week 8 & a Kidney Bean
Today, I am 8 weeks and 6 days!
How far along? 8 weeks and 6 days which equals to 2+ months! YES!
Maternity clothes? Yes. I needed some long sleeves, and saw some super comfy ones at Target that "grow with you", so I got me not one but two! One in the Sapphire Brst and one in plain White. =]
Maternity clothes? Yes. I needed some long sleeves, and saw some super comfy ones at Target that "grow with you", so I got me not one but two! One in the Sapphire Brst and one in plain White. =]
Stretch marks? No.
Sleep: Always sounds heavely.
Best moment this week: Getting on the scale to found I haven't gained a single pound! Weehoo!
Miss Anything? An appetite.
Movement: None yet.
Food cravings: Popcorn chicken seems to be the only SOLID goodness I can eat.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Pretty much everything.
Have you started to show yet: YES!! (refer to pic above)
Have you started to show yet: YES!! (refer to pic above)
Gender: Not sure... the twins possibility is still in the air. haha (refer to pic above)
Labor Signs: Um no. ha
Belly Button in or out? In, and it better stay that way. =P
Wedding rings on or off? On... for now.
Happy or Moody most of the time: I feel stressed because I feel lazy. I feel lazy, because I'm so dang tired. (EXACTLY!)
Labor Signs: Um no. ha
Belly Button in or out? In, and it better stay that way. =P
Wedding rings on or off? On... for now.
Happy or Moody most of the time: I feel stressed because I feel lazy. I feel lazy, because I'm so dang tired. (EXACTLY!)
Looking forward to: Feeling the baby move... I know I have a while, but I can't wait!
Size of Baby: Kidney Bean
Basically, I'm ready for this trimester to be over! Who said Number 1 was always the best??? ha!
Faith, Love, and Cupcake!
Casey
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tonight...
I sit and can't sleep. I have 21% left on my comp battery, and 101% of life to type out...
Where to start?
Well, let's state the obvious, I'm a HORRIBLE blogger. Maybe even BEYOND horrible.
yeah, okay... there I said it. =]
So, I've been feeling even more horrible than the horrible of my non-consistant blogging. Like, deathly horrible. Promise, I'm not being over dramatic, but ohemgee. I've never felt so bad in my entire life. Laying on the couch everyday for 4 weeks straight plus the worst type of nausea imaginable. No no no no no... I'm a full time stay at home mom and business owner... my life was literally flashing before my eyes. I understand it happens during every pregnancy, but this type of nausea... no.... its unbearable, and NOBODY should have to endure it "because making a baby takes a lot out of you". Yeah, it does take a lot of you, but your LIFE? No. Plus, I'd rather my preggo behind be happy, up, active, and eating healthy, than suffering the rest of my 1st trimester, if I'm lucky it doesn't carry over into the 2nd or 3rd. Muscular atrophy.... yeah, I saw that in my very near future had I not figured out what in the world was making me so sick. I kid you not, I got up off the couch to pee, and feed my child, and THAT WAS IT. I couldn't do anymore, no matter how hard I tried. I love my baby Cupcake, but I need to LIVE. Sooo, as of right now, I'm just waiting on the doctor to give me a call back regarding an alternative to these specific prenatal vitamins. Just imagine the stomach flu times a gazillion! I can function with a stomach flu... did it when A was a tinyyy baby and Jr worked a thousand hours a week. I'm fully capable of sucking it up, and moving on... mind over matter is how I see just about everything (call me insensitive, and not to toot my own, but I trained with US Marines every single day for over a year... never went on to become one, but that experience still lives deeeeeeep down in my heart and mind. "Pain is weakness leaving the body." Life is a mental game, and so on), but anywho... THIS... nah-uh. I will not die to my family when there are alternatives just to save my pride. Call me a horrible mother, nope... I don't care. Your way isn't necessarily the ONLY way. Just sayin'. {<<<--------- Preggo hormones talking.}
ps. I'm already 2+ months! Once, I get into my 2nd Trimester, I hope to take weekly photographs of myself. We'll see how that goes! ha! I tried to do a daily "Thankful" on my photo blog, and after Day 14, I feel like a total failure, because it looks like that's all the days I can count up to in the month of November. Truth is, my camera was the least of my worries... I just wanted to lay on the couch and drown in my preggo sorrows. womp womp.
Work is coming along... Tonight, I stayed up and inspired... myself. Its been a while since that last happened, and I think I'm finally ready to take the leap of faith with my business. I want to photograph exactly how I envision my work... not just because people will "typically" like it, but because it stands out and becomes dare I say it, "ART". I want to get out of the "norm" and jump into my "photographic dreams". Truth be told though, I'm absolutely TERRIFIED. The work I love... I haven't seen much in Texas... and quite frankly that freaks me out.... we're more of a traditional state with traditional values, but my work... I can honestly say, its not much traditional. However, I feel like I need to clean out my website of all the wonderful work that made me smile, yet wasn't my vision. Its going to hurt... really.really.bad. But I know God is in control, and if He wants my business to boom or to boom in the hearts of only a few, I am blessed and grateful regardless. Just asking for prayer... for me to have the guts to take that leap of faith, and for God's grace to shine in and throughout my entire business... I give it to Him.... Fully, this time. {January 2012... here I come.}
Hmm... Thanksgiving was wonderful! I enjoyed spending time with my in-laws! They're always great company! The turkey... I could have puked on, it made me so sick to even think about... still does. BLAH! BUT, it was a wonderful day! Black Friday wasn't too shabby either!
Hope you all had an amazing holiday as well... minus the my personal turkey experience. ahem.
Gobble Gobble!
Love y'all!
Faith, Love, and Everything Going On NOW,
Casey
Where to start?
Well, let's state the obvious, I'm a HORRIBLE blogger. Maybe even BEYOND horrible.
yeah, okay... there I said it. =]
So, I've been feeling even more horrible than the horrible of my non-consistant blogging. Like, deathly horrible. Promise, I'm not being over dramatic, but ohemgee. I've never felt so bad in my entire life. Laying on the couch everyday for 4 weeks straight plus the worst type of nausea imaginable. No no no no no... I'm a full time stay at home mom and business owner... my life was literally flashing before my eyes. I understand it happens during every pregnancy, but this type of nausea... no.... its unbearable, and NOBODY should have to endure it "because making a baby takes a lot out of you". Yeah, it does take a lot of you, but your LIFE? No. Plus, I'd rather my preggo behind be happy, up, active, and eating healthy, than suffering the rest of my 1st trimester, if I'm lucky it doesn't carry over into the 2nd or 3rd. Muscular atrophy.... yeah, I saw that in my very near future had I not figured out what in the world was making me so sick. I kid you not, I got up off the couch to pee, and feed my child, and THAT WAS IT. I couldn't do anymore, no matter how hard I tried. I love my baby Cupcake, but I need to LIVE. Sooo, as of right now, I'm just waiting on the doctor to give me a call back regarding an alternative to these specific prenatal vitamins. Just imagine the stomach flu times a gazillion! I can function with a stomach flu... did it when A was a tinyyy baby and Jr worked a thousand hours a week. I'm fully capable of sucking it up, and moving on... mind over matter is how I see just about everything (call me insensitive, and not to toot my own, but I trained with US Marines every single day for over a year... never went on to become one, but that experience still lives deeeeeeep down in my heart and mind. "Pain is weakness leaving the body." Life is a mental game, and so on), but anywho... THIS... nah-uh. I will not die to my family when there are alternatives just to save my pride. Call me a horrible mother, nope... I don't care. Your way isn't necessarily the ONLY way. Just sayin'. {<<<--------- Preggo hormones talking.}
ps. I'm already 2+ months! Once, I get into my 2nd Trimester, I hope to take weekly photographs of myself. We'll see how that goes! ha! I tried to do a daily "Thankful" on my photo blog, and after Day 14, I feel like a total failure, because it looks like that's all the days I can count up to in the month of November. Truth is, my camera was the least of my worries... I just wanted to lay on the couch and drown in my preggo sorrows. womp womp.
Work is coming along... Tonight, I stayed up and inspired... myself. Its been a while since that last happened, and I think I'm finally ready to take the leap of faith with my business. I want to photograph exactly how I envision my work... not just because people will "typically" like it, but because it stands out and becomes dare I say it, "ART". I want to get out of the "norm" and jump into my "photographic dreams". Truth be told though, I'm absolutely TERRIFIED. The work I love... I haven't seen much in Texas... and quite frankly that freaks me out.... we're more of a traditional state with traditional values, but my work... I can honestly say, its not much traditional. However, I feel like I need to clean out my website of all the wonderful work that made me smile, yet wasn't my vision. Its going to hurt... really.really.bad. But I know God is in control, and if He wants my business to boom or to boom in the hearts of only a few, I am blessed and grateful regardless. Just asking for prayer... for me to have the guts to take that leap of faith, and for God's grace to shine in and throughout my entire business... I give it to Him.... Fully, this time. {January 2012... here I come.}
Hmm... Thanksgiving was wonderful! I enjoyed spending time with my in-laws! They're always great company! The turkey... I could have puked on, it made me so sick to even think about... still does. BLAH! BUT, it was a wonderful day! Black Friday wasn't too shabby either!
Hope you all had an amazing holiday as well... minus the my personal turkey experience. ahem.
Gobble Gobble!
ps. Meet Cupcake, who is already 5 days bigger than he/she should be! ha!
Love y'all!
Faith, Love, and Everything Going On NOW,
Casey
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Week 6 and a Grain of Rice.
This week, I am feeling MUCH better. Still have a bit of nose drainage, but other than that, the cold went out the door. However, I'm still very much exhausted, and I know I'm making a baby, but I feel like making a baby has stopped me dead in my tracks to where I am unable to go on about my day as I typically would, and I'm still feeling guilty about not getting things done around the house daily. Granted, I feel better, I'm just not 100%, and heck, I might not get there until after my 1st trimester, which is when I hear the tiredness usually dissipates. Geez. I sure hope so.
The girls are ACHING. Either its because I'm 2 cup sizes bigger than while preggo with Miss A, or this pregnancy is entirely different than my first. Either way, its time for some new bras.
Hmmm... I haven't gained any weight, and I only plan (and strive) to gain 15-20lbs throughout my entire pregnancy. However, my tummy looks like baby is already umm 3 months along or so. Maybe, I'm over exaggerating, or maybe... just maybe, I am seeing truth. After a summer of wearing workout clothes (thanks to my feet surgery), I went out this past weekend in search of some jeans. I grabbed the biggest pair I thought my preggo butt would fit into, and thankfully, my sweet hubby, grabbed my "normal" size just in case, because I came out of the fitting room with a smile on my face; I still wear the same size! ::insert big sigh of relief::
Not sure what it is, and I hear every pregnancy is different, but this one is on the other side of the spectrum. The nausea, the exhaustion, the tender gals, and an extremely bloated tummy... all of which, I didn't have with Miss A. Guess there's a first time for everything, eh? =/ Jr is scaring me with his non-fleeting thoughts of TWINS. Yikes! I know... He says for some reason, he feels it in his knower. Hmm... yeah... waiting on my 1st ultrasound. ha!
The girls are ACHING. Either its because I'm 2 cup sizes bigger than while preggo with Miss A, or this pregnancy is entirely different than my first. Either way, its time for some new bras.
Hmmm... I haven't gained any weight, and I only plan (and strive) to gain 15-20lbs throughout my entire pregnancy. However, my tummy looks like baby is already umm 3 months along or so. Maybe, I'm over exaggerating, or maybe... just maybe, I am seeing truth. After a summer of wearing workout clothes (thanks to my feet surgery), I went out this past weekend in search of some jeans. I grabbed the biggest pair I thought my preggo butt would fit into, and thankfully, my sweet hubby, grabbed my "normal" size just in case, because I came out of the fitting room with a smile on my face; I still wear the same size! ::insert big sigh of relief::
Not sure what it is, and I hear every pregnancy is different, but this one is on the other side of the spectrum. The nausea, the exhaustion, the tender gals, and an extremely bloated tummy... all of which, I didn't have with Miss A. Guess there's a first time for everything, eh? =/ Jr is scaring me with his non-fleeting thoughts of TWINS. Yikes! I know... He says for some reason, he feels it in his knower. Hmm... yeah... waiting on my 1st ultrasound. ha!
(I promise, I'll get a pic of me up here, soon. Feeling so boo boo isn't having me in a picture mood.)
Today, I am 6 weeks and 5 days!
How far along? 6 weeks and 5 days.
Maternity clothes? No.
Maternity clothes? No.
Stretch marks? No.
Sleep: That's ALL I want to do. =/
Best moment this week: Realizing I'm half way through my 1st Trimester. =]
Miss Anything? An appetite.
Movement: None yet.
Food cravings: All I want is fruit and cold cereal.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Pretty much everything.
Have you started to show yet: I haven't gained any weight, but my belly sure does look preggo.
Have you started to show yet: I haven't gained any weight, but my belly sure does look preggo.
Gender: Not sure... the twins possibility is still in the air. haha
Labor Signs: Um no. ha
Belly Button in or out? In, and it better stay that way. =P
Wedding rings on or off? On... for now.
Happy or Moody most of the time: I feel stressed because I feel lazy. I feel lazy, because I'm so dang tired.
Labor Signs: Um no. ha
Belly Button in or out? In, and it better stay that way. =P
Wedding rings on or off? On... for now.
Happy or Moody most of the time: I feel stressed because I feel lazy. I feel lazy, because I'm so dang tired.
Looking forward to: My first ultrasound!
Size of Baby: Grain of rice. =]
Faith, Love, & Cupcake,
Casey
Friday, November 11, 2011
Week 5 and a Sesame Seed.
Geez.
This week has been something else.
Preggo.
Sick.
And Preggo.
It hasn't been the start of the pregnancy that I envisioned, but it is what it is, and I am just grateful I am able to stay home to rest and recover. However, it hasn't been as easy as it sounds. I'm used to getting up early and getting my day started, and keeping it going with everything under the sun to-do. I'm used to having dinner cooked and ready for my husband when he gets home.
This past week has been a much different story.
The tv has been on longer this week than it has the entire YEAR.
My bed hasn't been made; not once.
The clothes are piling up along with the dishes.
I haven't gotten dressed and left the house, besides sitting on the door step watching my dogs prance outside in our backyard, enjoying the much needed cooler weather.
I can't enjoy food.
I can't kiss my hubby or Miss A.
My dogs feel neglected.
My nose is chapped.
My throat is sore.
I've had to cancel my photo sessions, and meet-ups with good friends. =/
ahi.
I'm sooo ready to feel BETTER! I'm beginning to feel LAZY, and GUILTY for all that I haven't done this week, and for all that I am now, behind on. With Jr working much over time this week, its just been me and Aislynn, and she has been THE sweetest helper. Blessed!
2 nights ago, she also lost her VERY first tooth! Stay tuned for that post, tomorrow! =D
This week has been something else.
Preggo.
Sick.
And Preggo.
It hasn't been the start of the pregnancy that I envisioned, but it is what it is, and I am just grateful I am able to stay home to rest and recover. However, it hasn't been as easy as it sounds. I'm used to getting up early and getting my day started, and keeping it going with everything under the sun to-do. I'm used to having dinner cooked and ready for my husband when he gets home.
This past week has been a much different story.
The tv has been on longer this week than it has the entire YEAR.
My bed hasn't been made; not once.
The clothes are piling up along with the dishes.
I haven't gotten dressed and left the house, besides sitting on the door step watching my dogs prance outside in our backyard, enjoying the much needed cooler weather.
I can't enjoy food.
I can't kiss my hubby or Miss A.
My dogs feel neglected.
My nose is chapped.
My throat is sore.
I've had to cancel my photo sessions, and meet-ups with good friends. =/
ahi.
I'm sooo ready to feel BETTER! I'm beginning to feel LAZY, and GUILTY for all that I haven't done this week, and for all that I am now, behind on. With Jr working much over time this week, its just been me and Aislynn, and she has been THE sweetest helper. Blessed!
2 nights ago, she also lost her VERY first tooth! Stay tuned for that post, tomorrow! =D
Today, I am 5 weeks and 6 days!
How far along? 5 weeks and 6 days.
Maternity clothes? No.
Maternity clothes? No.
Stretch marks? Besides the ones I already have from the 1st go round, nope, nothing... YET.
Sleep: Huh?? What's that??
Best moment this week: Aislynn losing her very first tooth!
Miss Anything? An appetite.
Movement: None yet.
Food cravings: Not this week.
Anything making you queasy or sick: The taste of phlegm with this cold.
Have you started to show yet: Does being bloated count??
Have you started to show yet: Does being bloated count??
Gender: ? Jr and his co-workers think we're having twins! ha!
Labor Signs: Um no. ha
Belly Button in or out? In, and it better stay that way. =P
Wedding rings on or off? On... for now.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, other than being sick and feeling boo boo.
Labor Signs: Um no. ha
Belly Button in or out? In, and it better stay that way. =P
Wedding rings on or off? On... for now.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, other than being sick and feeling boo boo.
Looking forward to: My first ultrasound this month on the 21st! WEEHOO!
Size of Baby: Sesame Seed
Faith, Love, and Cupcake!
Casey
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Shamu & The Fam!
This week was JAM packed with pure goodness!! Wednesday, we found out we're expecting. Thursday, we saw Chris Tomlin in concert (that's an entirely different post). And Friday, we headed to San Antonio for the weekend!
We left kinda late, thanks to me, and this not so lovely tiredness. BLAH! I just feel so lethargic, and prenatal's aren't exactly helping. I'm not used to do nothing, and to "resting". I need to be active and taking care of business. SO, basically nothing was packed until about 20 minutes before we headed out the door.... which was the beginning of our Griswald trip. Of course, it wouldn't be a trip without some Griswald drama! ha!
On the way there, we could have made a list of stuff we had forgotten, it was horrible. Soooo, as usual, we made a trip to Wal-Mart as soon as we checked into our hotel.
Now, now... I love Houston, but I don't LOVE Houston. The traffic and the heat; 'nough said. But San Antonio... wow. Major major change of pace. As some of you know, half of my family lives in NC, and its like night and day between here in Houston and there in Dunn, NC. However, I LOVE it, and I'm used to it. I expect it when I go to visit... I expect to not be in a rush, and to well... stop and smell the roses. But on our trip to San Antonio + my new raging hormones, it wasn't pleasant, and it was rather annoying, really. I couldn't believe we sat in the drive-thru line at McDonald's for 20 mins for a mere 3 Happy Meals. And the traffic lights... oh geez. So yes, moral of the story.... We are spoiled Houstonians. ha!
Except we don't have Sea World, or really, anything close to Sea World. Yeah, our Zoo rocks, but I love marine life, and I literally could sit in an aquarium the entire day in amazement. Call me a dork, but its true.
So, we got to Sea World, and it was a GORGEOUS day!! BEAUTIFUL! The sun was shinning, and the wind blowing! Shamu was happy, and so was Miss A!
ps. I will say, the last time we went was about 3 years ago... Yeah, we've gotten older since then, because we were BEAT when we left. Plus, strolling around a 50+ child up and down mini slopes wasn't exactly a "walk in the park". hehe
Trick or Treating!
We left kinda late, thanks to me, and this not so lovely tiredness. BLAH! I just feel so lethargic, and prenatal's aren't exactly helping. I'm not used to do nothing, and to "resting". I need to be active and taking care of business. SO, basically nothing was packed until about 20 minutes before we headed out the door.... which was the beginning of our Griswald trip. Of course, it wouldn't be a trip without some Griswald drama! ha!
On the way there, we could have made a list of stuff we had forgotten, it was horrible. Soooo, as usual, we made a trip to Wal-Mart as soon as we checked into our hotel.
Now, now... I love Houston, but I don't LOVE Houston. The traffic and the heat; 'nough said. But San Antonio... wow. Major major change of pace. As some of you know, half of my family lives in NC, and its like night and day between here in Houston and there in Dunn, NC. However, I LOVE it, and I'm used to it. I expect it when I go to visit... I expect to not be in a rush, and to well... stop and smell the roses. But on our trip to San Antonio + my new raging hormones, it wasn't pleasant, and it was rather annoying, really. I couldn't believe we sat in the drive-thru line at McDonald's for 20 mins for a mere 3 Happy Meals. And the traffic lights... oh geez. So yes, moral of the story.... We are spoiled Houstonians. ha!
Except we don't have Sea World, or really, anything close to Sea World. Yeah, our Zoo rocks, but I love marine life, and I literally could sit in an aquarium the entire day in amazement. Call me a dork, but its true.
So, we got to Sea World, and it was a GORGEOUS day!! BEAUTIFUL! The sun was shinning, and the wind blowing! Shamu was happy, and so was Miss A!
ps. I will say, the last time we went was about 3 years ago... Yeah, we've gotten older since then, because we were BEAT when we left. Plus, strolling around a 50+ child up and down mini slopes wasn't exactly a "walk in the park". hehe
At the hotel.
The Shamu you see in the bottom left hand corner isn't real (lol), its the elevator doors.
Arriving at Sea World!
When we rented this stroller, I immediately thought "recession" and that thing had gotten smaller, but then I remembered "yes, recession, but yes, Aislynn DOES indeed GROW." ha
The Ayala's. <3
Trick or Treating!
Miss A got extra goodies bc it was her birthday weekend!
Sea World and Halloween!!
I wonder what's its like for Christmas!
Shamu show: "One Ocean"
Disclaimer: These were all taken with my point and shoot. If they look "unprofessional", its because the "professional" took a weekend off. hehe
Faith, Love, and Shamu!
Casey
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
A Pinterest Kind'a Surprise!
Since we planned for Cupcake, and since Pinterest in my new BFF, I figured.... hmm, let me browse the preggo world, and see what's new! And um wow... Everything "new" these days, make Miss A seem like she's a century old! I kid you not, I saw an ipad looking baby monitor at Target! My jaw literally dropped, and my eyes went "cha-ching!"
After discovering Cupcake was baking in this oven, I knew EXACTLY how I wanted to tell Jr, only thing was, I'd actually have to keep it a secret for almost 12 entire whole hours! Geez. I can't keep anything from that man, and he's the same way with me. We just love to share our excitement, even if its over how much we paid for gas that day. ha! I made a promise to myself, and asked God to put His hand over my big mouth, and to give me patience and agility. Yes, agility! I had to make a bee-line to the store in between all of my errands for the day in order to get exactly what I needed and put it all together before baby-daddy arrived.
It HAD to be SPECIAL. A phone call? No. Text? No. Trip to his job? Tempting, but no.
All I knew was that this may (and very may) well be our last baby, and I wanted to go out with a BANG! When first finding out Miss A was "Coming Soon", it wasn't exactly a scene from a Lifetime movie... or maybe it was... maybe Juno?? Yeah... Juno.
SO yes!, Back to the SURPRISE! While browsing Pinterest, I came across this piece of brilliance:
And this is pretty much exactly what I did. I really wish I had taken pictures, but I was in such a rush, I barely had time to even wrap the box. Boo.
The first piece to the surprise:
Earlier that morning, my sister and I went painting with Miss A in honor of her birthday celebrations.
See?
Of course, I had to put my Picasso skills to use (ahem).
The result?
After discovering Cupcake was baking in this oven, I knew EXACTLY how I wanted to tell Jr, only thing was, I'd actually have to keep it a secret for almost 12 entire whole hours! Geez. I can't keep anything from that man, and he's the same way with me. We just love to share our excitement, even if its over how much we paid for gas that day. ha! I made a promise to myself, and asked God to put His hand over my big mouth, and to give me patience and agility. Yes, agility! I had to make a bee-line to the store in between all of my errands for the day in order to get exactly what I needed and put it all together before baby-daddy arrived.
It HAD to be SPECIAL. A phone call? No. Text? No. Trip to his job? Tempting, but no.
All I knew was that this may (and very may) well be our last baby, and I wanted to go out with a BANG! When first finding out Miss A was "Coming Soon", it wasn't exactly a scene from a Lifetime movie... or maybe it was... maybe Juno?? Yeah... Juno.
We looked at each other like this (picture it with me, now):
{Excuse the language, but I'm pretty sure this is exactly what we both said.
It was a scary time, and very surreal. Obviously, we knew the consequences of not using protection, but we were two dumb kids in love, and obviously, nothing else mattered. These days, we look back, and that was THE best "Oh Sh*t" EVER!}
SO yes!, Back to the SURPRISE! While browsing Pinterest, I came across this piece of brilliance:
The first piece to the surprise:
Earlier that morning, my sister and I went painting with Miss A in honor of her birthday celebrations.
See?
I immediately saw this and immediately new I had to paint it:
Before:
That little opening, there?? What the heck is that for?? Any ideas??
Well, I used it to place my positive preggo stick.
Of course, I had to put my Picasso skills to use (ahem).
The result?
ps. please excuse my poor quality camera pix. I have a Blackberry, and no, not the new ones.
<<<--- Wishful iphone user. =(
My original idea for a box came from the Baby aisle at CVS in the shape of a pack of diapers, however, $25 for a present (or really, the box alone) just didn't seem wise. Plus, the big bold HUGGIES lettering would probably give it away before the box was even opened. Needing to improvise, I scoured my dad's office for a box. Found one. Headed to our local Dollar Tree, and grabbed some yellow wrapping paper as well as crumbled tissue paper in yellow, brown, and white (I now, regret the brown, but at the time, I thought it looked pretty) I also scoured the balloon wall for the perfect "Baby" balloon. Found one, had someone pump some helium in the sucker, and was out the door in a matter of minutes.
The clock was ticking, and Jr would be getting off work in 20 minutes, and it only takes him 3 minutes to get home, so time was of.the.essence. PLUS, I had to explain and re-explain (or try to) why on earth we bought a "Baby" balloon when "there is no baby", said Aislynn. This was tricky, because I knew the second Jr were to walk in the front door, Miss A would open her mouth, and spill the beans before I could even tell daddy I had a bean growing inside of my belly. {this was a task in itself}
I put together the box, thew in the tissues paper, tied the balloon ribbon around my painted baby bottle, carefully placed the balloon inside, making sure it would float to a nice distance, preferably eye level to Jr (I know. I know, I'm so thoughtful), closed the box, taped it, and wrapped it.
DANG! Forgot the pretty bow! Oh well!
Okay, now, let's make it look like I was doing something important...
doodeedooodeeeedoooo.
Jr walked in, showered, changed, and with minutes to spare before we had to all head back out the door, Jr opened the box, and it happened just like I imagined (that hardly ever happens, so I was pretty giddy). We laughed, we cried, we hugged. And then REPEAT.
It was a good day.
A good day, indeed.
Faith, Love, and a Pinterest Surprise,
Casey
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
First Response.
Yes.
Let me tell you.
This test.
HA!
You see when I was in Preggersville with Miss A, we took about 20 at home pregnancy test... Okay, maybe not 20, but def more than 5. I even had Jr take one to see how it worked. Fail. ha! So we took the test, and anxiously waited. I read the directions and re-read the directions, and still, I do not think my brain of crazy comprehended what I saw before my eyes. SO, I made up my mind, that test was indeed BROKEN; it was FAULTY, a dud... whatever you want to call it. It just simply didn't work. I wanted to see TWO CLEAR lines. CLEAR! So we headed to the store and bought the rest of our pregnancy test supply. We took yet another one, and immediately that sucker read, "PREGNANT". And as you all know, the rest is history. =]
Now, mind you, it has been 5+ years since I've taken a pregnancy test, and I really honestly didn't expect myself to remember EXACTLY what brand I originally took with Aislynn, so I just grabbed the one that was able to read hormones earlier than the next test. Plus, there was an extra test in the pack FO FREE.
I waited a few days after purchase, and took the test.
waiting.... waiting...
NEGATIVE. (one line)
hmm... okay... it still may be too early to tell. So I waited until early Wednesday, morning. I woke up, let my dogs out, fed them, and sat on the royal throne, preggo test in hand... still half asleep, but whatever.
A little tinkle here. A little tinkle there.
waiting... waiting...
ONE line.... OKAY!
Another....ehhhh... hmmm... what is that?? IS that a line??? I dunno... (half asleep still)
Geez... What the heck is that thing??
::searches YouTube::
Finds live pregnancy test! YES!! Exactly what I'm looking for!!! Watches about 5-6 of the same videos!
hmmm...
::comparing test::
Geez!! Am I going to have to go out and buy another test, but this time one that reads "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant"?? WAIT!! OMG! THIS is THE test I took with Aislynn!! No friggin' way! Way to go Casey! Way to go!
::compares again::
Googles, "First Response test results"
THERE WE GO!
::reads::
"One line may be lighter than the other."
OH.
I'm pregnant. That's what it says!!
PREGNANT!
EEEEK!!!
And there ya go! I'm a preggo! A one way trip back to Preggersville!
Legggggooooo!
ps. I then later read that I could have saved $2 on the test! Ayyyooo! You can too... just sayin'.
pss. one of the videos I watched... I cried with her! Get a tissue ready!
Faith, Love, and First Response,
Casey
Let me tell you.
This test.
HA!
You see when I was in Preggersville with Miss A, we took about 20 at home pregnancy test... Okay, maybe not 20, but def more than 5. I even had Jr take one to see how it worked. Fail. ha! So we took the test, and anxiously waited. I read the directions and re-read the directions, and still, I do not think my brain of crazy comprehended what I saw before my eyes. SO, I made up my mind, that test was indeed BROKEN; it was FAULTY, a dud... whatever you want to call it. It just simply didn't work. I wanted to see TWO CLEAR lines. CLEAR! So we headed to the store and bought the rest of our pregnancy test supply. We took yet another one, and immediately that sucker read, "PREGNANT". And as you all know, the rest is history. =]
Now, mind you, it has been 5+ years since I've taken a pregnancy test, and I really honestly didn't expect myself to remember EXACTLY what brand I originally took with Aislynn, so I just grabbed the one that was able to read hormones earlier than the next test. Plus, there was an extra test in the pack FO FREE.
I waited a few days after purchase, and took the test.
waiting.... waiting...
NEGATIVE. (one line)
hmm... okay... it still may be too early to tell. So I waited until early Wednesday, morning. I woke up, let my dogs out, fed them, and sat on the royal throne, preggo test in hand... still half asleep, but whatever.
A little tinkle here. A little tinkle there.
waiting... waiting...
ONE line.... OKAY!
Another....ehhhh... hmmm... what is that?? IS that a line??? I dunno... (half asleep still)
Geez... What the heck is that thing??
::searches YouTube::
Finds live pregnancy test! YES!! Exactly what I'm looking for!!! Watches about 5-6 of the same videos!
hmmm...
::comparing test::
Geez!! Am I going to have to go out and buy another test, but this time one that reads "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant"?? WAIT!! OMG! THIS is THE test I took with Aislynn!! No friggin' way! Way to go Casey! Way to go!
::compares again::
Googles, "First Response test results"
THERE WE GO!
::reads::
 | PREGNANT TWO PINK LINES in the Result Window. One line may be lighter than the other. Appearance of the results may vary. |  | NOT PREGNANT ONE PINK LINE in the Result Window. |
"One line may be lighter than the other."
OH.
I'm pregnant. That's what it says!!
PREGNANT!
EEEEK!!!
And there ya go! I'm a preggo! A one way trip back to Preggersville!
Legggggooooo!
pss. one of the videos I watched... I cried with her! Get a tissue ready!
Faith, Love, and First Response,
Casey
Monday, October 31, 2011
And then there were four.
1+1+1+1= 4.
duh. right?
But what about 1+1 1/2?? Ohh yeahhh... I'm speaking in "First Response" terms! Silly me! Well, I had to do some math in my head after reading this sucker! Yep! We're POSITIVE!
And this time, it was actually planned.
I told my hubby, "Wow. I feel like such an adult... We're trying to get pregnant on PURPOSE!" It was THE weirdest thing to wrap my head around. And still, I'm seriously trying to grasp it all.
You see, when I first got preggers with Miss A, I was a sweet 20 year old with nothing important on my mind, and my priorities weren't even IN the ballpark, but these days... Well, God knows my heart, and thankfully, I know Him, and now, have a beautiful relationship with Him; something that I didn't have then, that is now, going to make a world of difference.
This time around things are going to be well... different. For one, Jr and I actually KNOW each other! HA! Yeah, go figure, right? For those that know our story, you know I got pregnant as soon as we started dating. YEP, the magic happened that fast, folks! The carriage in front of the horse, if you will! ha!
But this go 'round, we are SO much more confident, and not because we think we know it all, but because we now realize we have a God that loves us unconditionally; one that we prayed to bless this blessing; for His will to be done in our lives, and here it is. Our prayers answered way sooner than we imagined. I can't put our feelings into words... we are just so incredibly thankful and so very humbled!
I know its early, and most do not recommend sharing the good news until about 6+ weeks, but like my good friend said, "No worries... only love, faith, and happiness! You're blessed!" I couldn't agree more!
Faith, Love, and Cupcake,
Casey
duh. right?
But what about 1+1 1/2?? Ohh yeahhh... I'm speaking in "First Response" terms! Silly me! Well, I had to do some math in my head after reading this sucker! Yep! We're POSITIVE!
I mean, PREGNANT!
I've got a sweet little cupcake in my oven! He/she is set to make his/her lovely debut to the world on July 8, 2012; yes you read right! Another holiday baby! ::crossing fingers::
We.are.ecstatic.
And this time, it was actually planned.
I told my hubby, "Wow. I feel like such an adult... We're trying to get pregnant on PURPOSE!" It was THE weirdest thing to wrap my head around. And still, I'm seriously trying to grasp it all.
You see, when I first got preggers with Miss A, I was a sweet 20 year old with nothing important on my mind, and my priorities weren't even IN the ballpark, but these days... Well, God knows my heart, and thankfully, I know Him, and now, have a beautiful relationship with Him; something that I didn't have then, that is now, going to make a world of difference.
This time around things are going to be well... different. For one, Jr and I actually KNOW each other! HA! Yeah, go figure, right? For those that know our story, you know I got pregnant as soon as we started dating. YEP, the magic happened that fast, folks! The carriage in front of the horse, if you will! ha!
But this go 'round, we are SO much more confident, and not because we think we know it all, but because we now realize we have a God that loves us unconditionally; one that we prayed to bless this blessing; for His will to be done in our lives, and here it is. Our prayers answered way sooner than we imagined. I can't put our feelings into words... we are just so incredibly thankful and so very humbled!
I know its early, and most do not recommend sharing the good news until about 6+ weeks, but like my good friend said, "No worries... only love, faith, and happiness! You're blessed!" I couldn't agree more!
Faith, Love, and Cupcake,
Casey
1, 2, 3, 4, tell me that you love me more!
I do! I really do!! Just when you think you can't love your child enough, they turn another year older! I can't believe 5 years ago today, God brought my beautiful baby girl (ahem diva) into the world! At first it was umm scary, and no, not because it was Halloween, but it was real life scurrry. At just 20 years old, I was a newbie at just about everything, but quickly, I began to love this little being more than anything my heart could ever imagine!
Then (October 2006):
@ the Hospital (Women's Hospital of Texas):
ps. Stay tuned for Pt. II of this blog post, later on, today. =]
Faith, Love, and Halloween Baby,
Casey
Then (October 2006):
The very first picture we took, together.
And yes, with a camera phone! ha
2 days old.
She had me at "hello." <3
@ the Hospital (Women's Hospital of Texas):
Someone is anxious.
Chunky cheeks.
Right after daddy changed her diaper for the first time.
Girlfriend was so long, her newborn $20 Jordan booties didn't fit her!
She still looks the same when she sleeps... Much wilder of course (ha), but still such peace.
Twinkies.
Daddy's Princess.
<3
Today (October 2011):
@ 5 years old:
* Height- 42 inches tall.
* Weight- 52lbs.
* Clothing Size: 7/8.
* Shoe Size: 13.
* Favorite Cartoon Character: Barbie.
* Favorite Movie: Tangled and The Little Mermaid.
* Favorite Activity: Singing, coloring, and puzzles.
* Current Fact: She has a couple of loose teeth! EEEK!
Favorite Food: Mac & Cheese.
Favorite Word: "Fabulous".
Halloween Costume 2011: US Marine.
My dearest sweet Aislynn Love, I love you more than I can ever say, because words just cannot express! You are my heart, my sunshine, my rainbow! You are my first sweet love! You are my treasure from heaven, and my little angel from the Lord! Mommy will love you forever and ever!
~ Mommy
Happy Birthday to my sweet Aislynn Love!
&
Happy Halloween to you all!
ps. Stay tuned for Pt. II of this blog post, later on, today. =]
Faith, Love, and Halloween Baby,
Casey
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Thanks, Facebook!
Well, after Facebook made some major changes, I find myself spending less time on it, and mostly because I don't know how to use it. ha. Fail. But anywho, I have soo many blog posts bouncing around in this big head of mine, and they are dying to get out, and get on HERE... this place I dropped like a hot tamale. Again, fail. boo.
Okay! So, now that Facebook is too umm hard for me to use, I feel blogging will more than likely be more frequent in the future. YIPPIE! I'm not saying this will be every.single.day, but more so when I feel inspired. I don't feel inspired when I KNOW I have to get it done everyday; it then becomes a chore, and I don't like chores. ha
Stay tuned!
I hope you all are doing FANTASTIC!! I pray God's blessings be abundant in your home, the workplace, your friendships and relationships, and of course, in your heart!
ps. last time I was on, it was 100+ degrees out. Today, ohhhh (let me stop and appreciate), the weather here in Houston is AH-MAZING with a high of 73 and lots of wind! Weeeeeeee! The holidays are my FAVORITE FAVORITE (did I mention, FAVORITE?) time of the year! I love the weather, the colors, the decorations, the craftiness! Speaking of which, check this out:
Faith, Love, and Facebook Incompetence,
Casey
Okay! So, now that Facebook is too umm hard for me to use, I feel blogging will more than likely be more frequent in the future. YIPPIE! I'm not saying this will be every.single.day, but more so when I feel inspired. I don't feel inspired when I KNOW I have to get it done everyday; it then becomes a chore, and I don't like chores. ha
Stay tuned!
I hope you all are doing FANTASTIC!! I pray God's blessings be abundant in your home, the workplace, your friendships and relationships, and of course, in your heart!
ps. last time I was on, it was 100+ degrees out. Today, ohhhh (let me stop and appreciate), the weather here in Houston is AH-MAZING with a high of 73 and lots of wind! Weeeeeeee! The holidays are my FAVORITE FAVORITE (did I mention, FAVORITE?) time of the year! I love the weather, the colors, the decorations, the craftiness! Speaking of which, check this out:
So, what'cha waitin' for? Get crafty!
Faith, Love, and Facebook Incompetence,
Casey
Thursday, September 15, 2011
This Little Blue Bird
You see, this home is our first actual house. This is the first time, we've had to be THIS type of responsible, and it scared me, scared me so much, that it was constantly on my mind... the wondering of how we're going to screw up this blessing, just like we have with many others.
When we first moved into our home back in March, every morning I would try and get on a routine with getting up, and then finally making way into the kitchen for breakfast time. I usually ate after Aislynn did, and while sitting or cleaning up the kitchen, I would randomly look out the kitchen window, and more often than not, I would see a blue bird fly by. This happened various times throughout the first couple of weeks. I noticed it more and more, until finally I began to notice it when I was out at random places, or when I working in my office and was in deep thought. And soon, a pattern developed... I only noticed it when doubt crossed my mind, never at any other time.
I began to question why I kept seeing this blue bird, and Matthew 6:26 popped into my head:
When we first moved into our home back in March, every morning I would try and get on a routine with getting up, and then finally making way into the kitchen for breakfast time. I usually ate after Aislynn did, and while sitting or cleaning up the kitchen, I would randomly look out the kitchen window, and more often than not, I would see a blue bird fly by. This happened various times throughout the first couple of weeks. I noticed it more and more, until finally I began to notice it when I was out at random places, or when I working in my office and was in deep thought. And soon, a pattern developed... I only noticed it when doubt crossed my mind, never at any other time.
I began to question why I kept seeing this blue bird, and Matthew 6:26 popped into my head:
We are now in September, and its of course been a while since I have seen a blue bird, but late last night, as I was in bed, thoughts circling in my head... doubt, fear, worthlessness, worry, and so on. I cried and and I cried. How did things get so bad? Why can't we just ever move on, and not look back? Why had God allowed all of this to go wrong? Was my efforts not enough? And then out of no-where, I began quietly humming... I find this relaxes me when I'm super stressed (music is my muse). All I kept humming was "little blue bird, fly... fly high in the sky." Now, I'm no song writer, trust me, but I like to think I live my life in and through lyrics, and I knew this routine... God has used music many many times to get through to me, and this time was no different.
No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get these words out of my head, and in that instant, I knew God was talking to me... When I finally realized this, I soon, fell asleep. I haven't had a good night's sleep in 6 days, and last night, I slept, and slept comfortably.
I know God is readying me for something big; something HUGE, because I have been battling these exact same battles for too long... I know something great is about to happen, I just need to hold on, continue to focus on Him and His Word, and TRUST that He is always in control. I need to have FAITH, and I need to cling to it... the rest is in God's hands.
Faith, Love, & song,
Casey
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Overwhelmed.
Goodness.
It seems the Ayala's can never catch a break, and I'm not going to lie, it seems that my efforts never seem to be quite enough. Its becoming exhausting to simply put it. The harder I try, the harder things get.
The devil has a way with words. A way that can wrap you up into thinking failure is at your doorstep. He pulls out the "Defeat" card, the "Hopeless" card, the "Regret" card, and whatever else he has up his sleeve. He pitches each one like a dart headed straight for its target. Letting it pierce is up to us...or in this case, up to me.
Thought after thought emerges, and I soon find myself questioning just about everything, even my faith. How I trust, and how I act upon that trust. Has God become too overwhelming? Or does He have more trust in me than I ever imagined?
I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I'm a bit way of a perfectionist. In the recent years, I have struggled with diluting this trait of mine, and let me tell you, its not an easy task. I strive to be good at every single thing I do, other wise and pardon my expression, but its half-ass, if not done to its full potential. This could be as simple as coloring in a coloring book or as complex as say, my photography work. I'm always looking to perfect and to please. And when things don't go as planned or I feel I haven't pleased, I feel I've failed, and I didn't try hard enough. I've been like this with various people in my life, and now, I'm beginning to take this on with God.
I feel like I try and try and try, and nothing gives. I feel like I need to be perfect in order to receive His blessings, and perhaps a break in the madness. And I know, I know... that's not the God we serve, but lately, it seems that way, and its gotten to a point where I can't help but to feel this way.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and what I need to do more or less of.... I just want peace. Even for a second or heck, even a week. I just want to be able to say, "Its okay. Things have worked out. We can move on." But I don't see that happening anytime, soon.... With me and my family, the past is always the present, and getting away from it doesn't seem likely; its haunting. So haunting to the point where that's all I focus on, and then months pass, and I forget all the good that happened amidst the bad, and then life quickly becomes a blur.
I'm continuously searching for my calling in life.... I know God doesn't ever give us more than we can handle, but I just wish He wouldn't trust me so much. And as I type this, a million verses pop into my head reminding me of the God we serve, but I just can't get passed the current struggle... I want to be able to appreciate those verses circling around inside my head, and right now, its kinda hard.
Have you ever felt this? If so, how did you overcome this?
Faith & Love,
Casey
It seems the Ayala's can never catch a break, and I'm not going to lie, it seems that my efforts never seem to be quite enough. Its becoming exhausting to simply put it. The harder I try, the harder things get.
The devil has a way with words. A way that can wrap you up into thinking failure is at your doorstep. He pulls out the "Defeat" card, the "Hopeless" card, the "Regret" card, and whatever else he has up his sleeve. He pitches each one like a dart headed straight for its target. Letting it pierce is up to us...or in this case, up to me.
Thought after thought emerges, and I soon find myself questioning just about everything, even my faith. How I trust, and how I act upon that trust. Has God become too overwhelming? Or does He have more trust in me than I ever imagined?
I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I'm a bit way of a perfectionist. In the recent years, I have struggled with diluting this trait of mine, and let me tell you, its not an easy task. I strive to be good at every single thing I do, other wise and pardon my expression, but its half-ass, if not done to its full potential. This could be as simple as coloring in a coloring book or as complex as say, my photography work. I'm always looking to perfect and to please. And when things don't go as planned or I feel I haven't pleased, I feel I've failed, and I didn't try hard enough. I've been like this with various people in my life, and now, I'm beginning to take this on with God.
I feel like I try and try and try, and nothing gives. I feel like I need to be perfect in order to receive His blessings, and perhaps a break in the madness. And I know, I know... that's not the God we serve, but lately, it seems that way, and its gotten to a point where I can't help but to feel this way.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and what I need to do more or less of.... I just want peace. Even for a second or heck, even a week. I just want to be able to say, "Its okay. Things have worked out. We can move on." But I don't see that happening anytime, soon.... With me and my family, the past is always the present, and getting away from it doesn't seem likely; its haunting. So haunting to the point where that's all I focus on, and then months pass, and I forget all the good that happened amidst the bad, and then life quickly becomes a blur.
I'm continuously searching for my calling in life.... I know God doesn't ever give us more than we can handle, but I just wish He wouldn't trust me so much. And as I type this, a million verses pop into my head reminding me of the God we serve, but I just can't get passed the current struggle... I want to be able to appreciate those verses circling around inside my head, and right now, its kinda hard.
Have you ever felt this? If so, how did you overcome this?
Faith & Love,
Casey
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
A Mini Beach Getaway.
This past weekend, I held my first annual Beach Mini's in Galveston, TX. It was bittersweet, and only because I'm pretty sure this was the very first (and hopefully) last time I will go to the beach, and not be able to feel the water rush to my feet or the sand between my toes. Due to surgery, I had to sport some Nike's. Boo. And oh oh oh, it looked so so tempting, but I'm not even sure I'm allowed to be walking in the sand, much less walking bare foot in the sand. =/
We originally set out to the beach on Saturday afternoon to take pics of my Aislynn Love in this super adorable dress that I purchased ages ago at Forever21, and has been sitting in closet waiting for the "perfect" time to make it's debut.
Well, once we got there, the idea of it all flew right on by just like the seagulls overhead. ::waa waa::
I did manage to capture a few in the entire 5 minutes she allowed me to photograph her... other than that... we just sat back, and enjoyed the sunset, breeze, and beautiful colors (yes, even for Galveston).
We originally set out to the beach on Saturday afternoon to take pics of my Aislynn Love in this super adorable dress that I purchased ages ago at Forever21, and has been sitting in closet waiting for the "perfect" time to make it's debut.
Well, once we got there, the idea of it all flew right on by just like the seagulls overhead. ::waa waa::
I did manage to capture a few in the entire 5 minutes she allowed me to photograph her... other than that... we just sat back, and enjoyed the sunset, breeze, and beautiful colors (yes, even for Galveston).
Andddddd, that was that! ha!
Now, time for some fun in the sun!
And yeah, I HAD to post this one! Poor girl! Her hair was everyyywhere! ha!
She's got wild hair just like her mama!
This was about all I got... the sun was setting quickly, looked peaceful, and mama just wanted to relax.
And a good relaxing tis was. =]
Faith, Love, & the Beach,
Casey
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