Tuesday, February 28, 2012

days 20-29

think, i might start doing the photo challenge this way....
its easier on my nerves. =P

plus, i really need to declutter my cell...
700+ images is probably causing it to sweat justtttttt a little. 


DAY 20:
"handwriting"
the last letter i received from my sister while she was in Marine's boot camp. <3


DAY 21:
"a fave photo of you"
not a fave photo, but its been SO long since i actually spent time on my hair, and when i was done, i realized just how long it had gotten. lol

DAY 22:
"where you work"
my office... it pretty much still looks like this after a year of living here. (my office is the last on the list to be remolded. boo)


DAY 23:
"your shoes"
20 weeks & the most comfy shoes. <3


DAY 24:
"inside your bathroom cabinet"
yes, its always this organized. *pinky promise*

DAY 25:
"green"
bookshelf i repainted for aislynn's room. <3


DAY 26:
"night"
my very 1st photo project. (2009)

DAY 27:
"something you ate"
 no comment necessary. <3
DAY 28:
"money"
 so true. you may never see it again.


DAY 29:
"something you're listening to"
 anointed at its finest! (check 'em out on my playlist down at the bottom of my blog)


ps. my sister, Chels, is graduating TODAY from school in 29 Palms! <3
SOOOO proud of her!!
OORAH little sis!! <3



 Faith & Love, 
Casey

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

week 19 & 20.

yeah, i know.
i'm behind.

with jr being off the last 5 days, blogging hasn't been a top priority,
but i promise to regain momentum!

photo challenge days 20-25, will be in one post.
{ps. not sure why my other posts haven't been connecting to facebook. boo}


anywho!
this week has def been one to celebrate!

20 weeks into, and 20 weeks and counting!
<3


but first, let's not forget the last leg of the 1st half! 
19 weeks.
here i am out and about doing some much needed maternity shopping. 
walked out with 2 pairs of pants, a shirt, and a pair of comfy shoes (and no, not the ones behind me. i only wish.


<3

20 weeks
this was taken before church, and after the very sleepless night i had.
can you tell? ::insert sad face::



this week, i am feeling VERY pregnant.
things are starting to hurt, and my head feels like its going to explode.
i guess with Bella being larger than average, the symptoms are hitting me faster than they normally would? not sure, but she is weighing heavy on my bladder, and toilet paper is still in high demand in this household. if i haven't gone every 45 minutes, its generally because i've held it wayyy longer than i should, which then causes me to painfully but quickly make my way to the restroom. ha! 
over all, this pregnancy has been very different from Aislynn's...
over all, i feel pretty good, however, symptoms are more apparent.  i know its because this is my 2nd pregnancy, and because i am already overweight, causing more strain on my back.  good thing is, i have yet to swell, which makes me a happy camper.  i know once its get hot, that will be a different story. ::waaa waaa::  i seem to have FINALLY gained weight... 2lbs, I THINK.  hopefully, now, i will be able to begin exercising. we'll see!  

anywho, 20 weeks.
wow.
<3


Faith & Love, 
Casey

Sunday, February 19, 2012

day 19

this post needs no words.


DAY 19
"something you hate doing"




Faith & Love, 
Casey

Saturday, February 18, 2012

day 18

i love me some smoothies.

being preggo, my appetite will only allow me to eat certain things.
i'm very limited, so generally as a meal, i'll substitute with this fruity goodness.

1 banana
5 strawberries
1 cup of yogurt
lots'a ice

DAY 18
"drink"





Faith & Love, 
Casey

Friday, February 17, 2012

day 17

the past 2 days have been chaos.
immature chaos.
chaos that could have easily been avoided.


a wonderful opportunity knocked on jr's doorstep.
an opportunity that will better his career, better our family, and better our future.

he was honest and true throughout the entire process.
unfortunately, it was ill received, and he was lashed out at in a very ugly verbal manner, leaving him terminated from his job nearly 2 weeks early, when they clearly needed him to complete some assignments.

2 weeks without pay is killer.
and i'll admit worry was weighing heavy on my heart for so many different reasons.

BUT, God stepped in.
he worked through jr...
"do not worry. I will provide."

a day went by, but for me, the worry had yet to fade.
jr never wavered.

he said to me, "i'm telling you not to worry... just as you have told me not to worry, because when we worry, we are not allowing God to do His work."

i stopped to think...
"wow... i need to take my own advice, but my goodness, i see no other way out. what is left to do? and more importantly, why can't i have the faith jr is so humbling and faithfully professing?"

it was a bittersweet moment...
the faith jr preached carried me through the tears.


he later called me with wonderful news...
news of God doing just what he had promised...
PROVIDING.

jr was originally set for orientation tuesday feb. 27.
he's now set for orientation this upcoming tuesday, feb. 21.

one of the many reasons i admire my hubby so.
it wasn't always like this... i, personally, carried the load of faith for my household for a long while, but no matter what anybody says, people can change.  God is so POWERFUL like that, and to see the works of Him being worked in jr's heart AND in mine simultaneously, brings me to tears.  our faith is being tested TOGETHER, and TOGETHER we are rising above what the enemy plans for defeat.

prayer is powerful.
its real.

believe it & see it.

god's timing.
perfect.

DAY 17:
"time"
Moral of the story: There is no testimony without the TEST! <3



Faith & Love,
Casey

Thursday, February 16, 2012

day 16

today, i had an ultrasound.
so, new ultrasound = new pics.

jr wasn't able to head to the doctor with me this morning, but after my appointment, i took some mini snapshots, and immediately texted them his way.

his reply: 
"wow! how beautiful she is, already!'


yep, another daddy's girl.
ha!


DAY 16:
"something new" 





Faith & Love, 
Casey

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

day 15

i remember this phone from wayyy back in the sandbox ages.
it was ugly.

now, i love it.
my mom gave this to aislynn, and she's obsessed with it.

and so am i.
so obsessed, i want to claim it as my own.
ha!


::sigh::
the good 'ol days
<3

DAY 15:
"phone" 


Faith & Love, 
Casey

Monday, February 13, 2012

a love worth fighting for.

happy day before the day full of l.o.v.e!
<3

is it really already valentine's day?
i guess so, because last night at the grocery store, i saw pastel fluffy bunnies adorning shelves, then locked my eyes on chocolate eggs sweetly cuddled in pastel foil wrapping.
mmmmmmmmmm.

i love the holidays, and i love to gift give as often as i am able.
but this year, jr and i won't be exchanging gifts, and we won't be spending $50-$75+ on dinner.
not gonna lie, we don't have the funds to do so, and if we did, we probably would.  i'm not going to sit here and act like i'm better than anyone, more humble, or less materialistic.  that may be you and your spouse and that's perfectly fine, but us... nawww... we rather enjoy exchanging gifts-- generally because we have absolutely no say in what we give each other... the surprise is FUN! and we sure do enjoy a nice quiet romantic dinner. this year, however, the funds simply aren't there.

it is what it is.

this month, we're saving up for something far greater than any gift we could ever exchange.
i can't really mention what exactly, but soon...

and all the sacrifice, patience, and faith will have paid off.
eventually. one way or another.

much like it has with our marriage.

in the beginning, it was hard.
real hard. real real real hard.
(did i mention REAL hard? k. just checking.)

throw a baby in the mix, and the mixer just got a lot more complicated (not to mention, a lot more pricey. ha!).

we used fight.
about every.single.little.thing.
we'd throw ugly words at each other, just to spite, and then hop on our high horse and gallop away without a single feeling of sorrow.

i for one, know i was a horrible wife.
one i wouldn't have even married, myself.
i was selfish, rude, inconsiderate, and demanding.
my heart was in it for me, not for him.

jr...
he was lazy, unsympathetic, non-communicative.
he loved his job more than anything, and money was his go-getter.

this amongst many other issues made our lives extremely difficult.
divorce was clearly in our future, and was always seen as the easy way out, because honestly, it is the easy way out.  that's what society makes so clear... "i won't change for anyone! this is ME! take it or leave it".
sad. with this attitude, "leave it" is right... "left alone" is more like it.

some people would say i have radical beliefs when it comes to my faith. and hey, that's me. i'd rather take it the hard way, than to travel the easy way.  i'm a head on, kinda gal... there is no half way with me.  so with marriage, i firmly believe stick it out, work it out, pray it out, unless there is cheating, physical or emotional abuse.  unless your spouse is telling you not to love God.  nah-uh. mama don't play.  otherwise, our God is greater.  greater than the petty arguments and fights.  greater than the many nights left crying yourself to sleep. He's bigger than it all, and His power... never underestimate it.  #truestory

so anywho, who wants to argue with a big headed salvadorian, anyway?
and who wants to bicker with a mexican gringa who thinks she's knows it all? as if!

but no matter what, at the end of the day, we knew deep down, we would simply die without each other. we compliment each other so very well, sometimes, its almost frightening. we fit each other like a glove.  every day, i fall more and more in love with him, and every day, i know he is the best gift God has given to me, next to Aislynn.  life is ALIVE because i married this man. our relationship may not be like yours, and may not be acceptable to you by your standards, but it works for us, and is working for us.  we aren't perfect, but we're the right amount of perfect for each other.

yeah, we still argue and fight, but i promise the anger doesn't settle any longer than 5 minutes, and then we're back to laughing as if nothing happened. and this is only by the grace of God, because boy, can we get on each other's nerves. ha!

i'm happy and thankful for the woman and wife God has molded me into. i know i still have a ways to go, but i'm glad i'm not where i was. the second i learned of needing to love as Christ loves us, everything changed. i looked in the mirror and saw the devil devouring my marriage, my heart, my spirit, and my love... the very same love Christ pours into us.  it was scary, and i wanted nothing more than to be the wife jr deserved, and to be the woman i know i deserved... the woman God created me to be.

every day, as annoying as jr is (ha!), i'm so proud of who he has become. i always catch myself asking, "wow. is this really my husband?"   he's a beautiful example of what love truly means.


our love is worth fighting for.
not because we say so, but because HE says so.

to God, we give ALL the GLORY!
there is NOTHING impossible for Him.
He's the Healer of all healers.
He healed our marriage.
He melted our hearts and out poured love only He can supply.

i can't imagine my life without my best friend.




i love you, jr.


"i have found the one, whom my soul loves."
song of solomon 3:4

<3





a whole lotta FAITH & a whole lotta LOVE,
Casey

day 13

my grandmother was a beautiful person inside & out.
she was sassy but classy, and loved the lord with all her heart.

i miss her dearly, but am so glad i've been given pieces of her to treasure for my own.

of those, my mother recently gave me a very vintage pretty grooming set. 
everything and more is still in this little case.

i just adore it, and when i look at it, i can just imagine her primping and priming. (she was very much about keeping up her beautiful appearance, and didn't leave the house otherwise)


DAY 13:
"blue"



Faith & Love, 
Casey

Sunday, February 12, 2012

day 12

my closet is in a horrible disarray.

clothes here, clothes there.
shoes here, shoes there.
purses here, purses there.
and blah here and blah there...

all considering i cleaned this closet out back in november.
it can never stay clean and tidy.

i need to do another round of cleaning, and get rid of the clothes my belly will not allow.
that should pretty much minimize my closet to ohhh about 1/8 of what it is, now. ha!


i have a horrible obsession with clothes...
i love fashion, and love putting pieces together all with mixing and matching.
its fun. its a creative outlet.

if i were skinny, i'd probably need an intervention, but being my size, cute clothing is hard to find.
that, and i'm extremely picky.

anywho... i could go on for days about my love for clothes and accessories, but i'll stop here, before i run you into a boredom frenzy.



DAY 12:
"your closet"

ps. if i had all the money in the world, this pinboard would be a reflection of my closet:
http://pinterest.com/hoorayitscasey/style-me-pretty/



Faith & Love, 
Casey

Saturday, February 11, 2012

day 11

wednesday, i had a lovely visitor.
her sweet self came.
her sweet little munchkin came.
and some tiny (but huge) sweets filled her arms, and filled my heart.


thank you, jay, for thinking of me.
thank you, for letting me hold and cuddle nicholas,
and thank you, for the flashbacks. (haha)
 

<3

DAY 11: 
"something that makes you happy" 




Faith & Love, 
Casey

Friday, February 10, 2012

day 10

18 weeks & 5 days.

can i admit this, without having blog food thrown at me?
i.love.being.pregnant.

granted i'm only 18 weeks and some days, i'm also 1 week and some days away from being half way through. (yay)

i feel great besides the annoying every-45-minute-trips to the bathroom (especially at night), and some back cramps here and there.  other than that, its been a pretty smooth ride (minus the first trimester).  i hope and pray it continues this way, and complications are far and in between, Lord willing, there are none.  preeclampsia is what i'm 99% sure i had with aislynn, but was never professionally diagnosed whilst i had all the symptoms. (SO glad i have an ah-mazing doctor this go-round!) 


anywho, i feel fantastic!

DAY 10: 
"self portrait"


Faith & Love, 
Case

Thursday, February 9, 2012

day 9 and 100.

yeahhhh, last time, i tried this photo-a-day biz, i failed and failed miserably.
i didn't get beyond day 17, i believe.

sad.

however. (and its a rather large however)
i was strictly using my dslr, which was wayyy too much work.
(for me, anyway)

so i quit.

and here, i am.
starting all.over.again.
(ps. the perfect way to commemorate my 100th post! wee!)

only this time, images will be taken with my trusty blackberry.
(i hope an iphone is in my very near future)

they will be edited using lovely photoshop, and then uploaded for your viewing pleasure. ha


so, here's a look at february:



since i'm already 8 days behind,  and since today is "front door", i'm going to be a rebel, and flash back to DAY 1. why? because our door is nothing but a door. its naked and a decaying brown, and no fun.


DAY 9:
"your view today"

Faith & Love, 
Casey

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Week 18.

week 18 is here.
seems like just yesterday week 8 was here.

in no time, she'll be here.

cuh-crazy.
so exciting!
and then some.



How far along? 18 weeks & 4 days.
Maternity clothes? Almost there! Leggings are MY thing, right now.
Stretch marks? Not yet. Not even the dark line... hmmmm....
Sleep:  Maybe I should just get a pillow and blanket and make camp by the royal throne. Every 45 minutes is no fun. =/
Best moment this week: Feeling Cupcake move and groove! Love it!
Miss Anything? My cuter tops. =(
Movement: Yes, she's a little gymnast!
Food cravings: Ice Cream! YUM!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Apparently, Whataburger. Very tragic, indeed.
Have you started to show yet:  Yep. Although yesterday I was told you couldn't tell... That made me happy, then sad. I'm not THAT naturally fluffy in my mid-drift.
Gender: Chickadee!
Labor Signs: Nope.  Thank the Lord!
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On. <3
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy!
Looking forward to:  Working on my nightly and morning stretches. They NEED to be done. OUCHIE!
Size of Baby:  Sweet Potato. <3



<3



ps. are ya diggin' my ghetto fab wanna-be instagram photos?
hehe



Faith & Love, 
Casey

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

I scream. You scream. We all scream.

For not just ice cream, but Menchie's.

mmmmm... i was SO craving ice cream, yesterday.
like if i didn't get it, i would subconsciously inflict bodily harm on someone. (hehe)

luckily, that someone was saved from the torture and pain, because jr took aislynn and i out for a small cup.

it was perfect.
we sat, stuffed our face with wayy too much sugar (there's no such thing, btw), and chatted about the future.

...our very near future.
what god has planned for our little family in the next upcoming weeks.

and ice cream just made it that much sweeter.
<3





 


Faith & Love,
Casey

Monday, February 6, 2012

The Perks of the P.

being pregnant this time is a bittersweet euphoria.
especially staying at home throughout my entire pregnancy... more time to think.

we've already begun shopping for Bella, and seeing all that's cute draped over shelves and hung on racks makes me want to hold and cuddle with her.  then we leave the store, and its back to reality, and in the moment, i'm glad she's still held and cuddled in my tummy.  ha!  so much to do, yet so little time.  i mean, um, its already february, and walking through those stores i'm oogling the. cutest. children's swimwear (i'ma sucker for it) which means summer will soon be here.  not to mention, here in houston, its been a not so lovely 82 degrees + humidity, so february feels like april or may.

then july will here.
but if she continues growing at the rate she's growing, june will be here, and so will she.

then i fast forward, and remember that just as it was with Aislynn, it will come to an end.  being pregnant will cease to be an adjective i posses. and at this point, we aren't sure if a 3rd time is in the future... there's so much to think about with adding an extra human being into the picture. duh, right? i mean, look how long we waited to get pregnant again?  5 years!  and although sometimes i wish we hadn't have waited so long, i'm glad we made the decision we did. but with the future coming so fast in this day and age of our lives, waiting another 5 years is just not ideal for any of us. 


so this may very well be the very last time i am pregnant for the entire rest of my living.


i guess i feel this way partially because of the pregnancy i experienced or not experienced with aislynn.  i was 20 years young, and life wasn't easy.  my pregnancy wasn't accepted by many, and at the time, i was a fragile 20 year old who was easily influenced by the mass negativity surrounding me and being directed towards me.  i was in such a rush for it to be over, i didn't have time to enjoy the moments of the in between; those moments, many of which i can never get back.


same goes with the early months after she was born.  i don't remember much, for the same reasons as above.  i look back, and it is all black, with small tiny fragments of her early life.

i guess that plus not only after 5+ years of not being pregnant, i forgot how to be pregnant. i was so busy consumed with trying to please everyone and trying to make amends that i forgot about pleasing myself and forgiving myself. 

being pregnant at that age wasn't easy.  jr and i weren't married, and we were most of the time living with family (something neither of us enjoyed too much, for obvious reasons. ha!) it was hard. real hard. but i'm glad we experienced it.  its a many of stories to share with aislynn when the time comes. plus, being new parents, we had quite a bit of help, which we were very thankful for.

this go round, we're obviously married, now. we have a home of our own. and we have a nice set of parenting skills already under our belt.  we actually know each other, and we actually know what love is; where it came from, and Who it came from.

life is very different than it was when we were young and pregnant, and its very exciting to be experiencing this together in this moment of "right".  no, everything isn't peachy, but the foundations are there, and now, they are being built upon, whereas before, there was maybe some dirt.

God has carried our little family so far, and He's never let go, even when we wanted to let go.  and now, he's blessed us with a 2nd chance to feel, to experience, to love, to share, to be.

we are in no rush for Bella's arrival.  obviously, we can't wait to see her, but right now, its about soaking in the blessings of simply being pregnant, and praising Him for what's being lived in the Ayala Casita.

its the little moments that make the big moments. <3
young & younger. ha!
October 31, 2006.
<3




Faith & Love,
Casey

Friday, February 3, 2012

Super Woman (ha)

when i first became a SAHM, it wasn't what I had planned for my life.  it wasn't something that appealed to me... chores all day, and the "staying at home" part kinda freaked me out a bit. that's the idea i had made it out to be. (ignorance? yes.)


i know not every family is able to have the wife/mom stay home, but with our circumstances (past and present), there was no other alternative.  this left me experiencing postpartum depression, and with the feelings of "i'll never amount to anything beyond a Cinderella." 

shame on me.
and...
GLORY to Him!

not only did I find my calling as a SAHM, but also as a photographer. (which has taken me a longgg time to finally grasp that hey, i'm pretty darn okay at what i do. and i don't claim to be a mom who just picked up a camera, bc in actuality, the camera picked me up. long and true story, but yes, I am defending my stance! ha! )

jr and i have had many struggles.  much more than we ever bargained for, and much more than we could ever want, but need?  yes.  every struggle we've faced, its been worth the outcome and the FIGHT. i say this because we have been VERY stubborn in our ways and our "means of living". so God was only left to drag us in the dirt time and time again.  lesson learned. some are still in the process.  (i do thank Him for never giving up on us, though.  He knows we're are the stubborn kind)

my hubby is a hardworking machinist, and not to toot a horn, but an extremely talented one at that. i'm always in awe at how fast he has learned the craft, and how fast he has moved up with only a single semester of schooling in his entire career.  i admire his determination, work ethic, and most importantly, his drive to always become better and never settling for "just getting the job done."  he's passionate about what he does, and his talent always shines through; something that's hard in a competitive machining world, especially for a young machinist.

i wanted the exact same thing he had. (no, not the machinist job, bc i'm horrible with numbers)
not so much with my photography, but absolutely more so with not only being a mom, but a SAHM.
 

i want to be THAT mother/wife... the Super Woman who does.it.all.
i want to wake up at 5:30 every morning and crack open my bible while sipping on some tea, with a soft fuzzy draped over my legs, and my pink slippers peeking out.
i want to pray every single morning with my daughter before she even gets out of bed.
i want her to have a bedtime.  an actual bedtime.
i want us to go for morning walks and talk about anything and everything.
i want to be physically healthy, and teach my children the same.
i want to be able to sew even a button. (yes, i'm that horrible)
i want to at least spend 2 hours in the Word every.single.day.
i want to attend church every.single.sunday and actually be able to soak in the sermon, and not sit in the anxiety i have waiting for me the second i leave.
i want to make breakfast every morning for my husband (waking up at 4am right now is just not feasible. ha!)
i want a fresh and healthy dinner always prepared for my family.
i want my children to EAT that fresh and healthy dinner.
i want to see one.single.laundry.pile.at.a.time.
i want my house sparkling. (che'ah right, i know)
i want the yard done and weed free.... with perhaps a sweet little garden of colorful flowers. (i don't even know how to plant a flower)
i want a wreath on my door for every holiday/season. (this is the southern crafty gal in me)
i want to get dressed every.single.day (with at least my hair actually done. i have mane on my head, so this one is prob the most far fetched.)
i want to draw/color/make crafts with my children more often. (and actually have a place to put them)
i want to be a prayer warrior.
i want to be able to sit and enjoy a movie with my family without my to-do list screaming at me.
i want to be able to manage our finances.
take a vacation.
plan the vacation.
i want to be organized.
and geez louise, i can go on....
(ps. half of this stuff is hi-larious to me... like i'm in Better Homes & Gardens magazine or something, but hey, a gal can't dream can't she??)

and above all, i want Proverbs 31. 
i want to be a wife of noble character.
my devotion is to my husband and children, and i want that to shine far brighter than everything.


now, some days are better than others, and most days, I can say I do some of what's on my list above, but i want more.  i have a craving and thirst for more... i know God is calling me to DO more.  it took A LOT to cut back on my work, raise my prices, and leave it in God's hands.  but I know He will provide.  and if its His will for me to book one client a month or every 3 months, then so be it.  i thought my work made me who i am, but i quickly found out, that's a horrible and selfish way of thinking.  what makes me who i am is my God and my family.

lots of changes are taking place in the Ayala household...
many of which have already taken place since the new year, and i'm happy and proud to say i've kept them going and its february.  i'm on a roll, and i don't plan on looking back.  i have a path laid out and lit up, and i continue to pray God keeps that fire lit in my heart (and um, under my tush).


"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." 
-- Matthew 6:21
(this verse screams at me! i love it!) 



ps. whenever i get an iphone, my posts will have images to go along with.  i like pictures, and posts without pictures give me a frowny face.


Faith & Love,
Casey

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Time.

{this post isn't to get the sympathy card.  i'm a very open person, and don't mind sharing my struggles with others.  i know i'm not alone in a lot of what i face day in and day out, and if someone reads this and i've helped even just a tiny bit, that makes me a happy camper.  i am not perfect, and don't and won't ever claim to be.  but, i have a testimony, one that is being written every single second of every single day, and its my job as a Christian to get my testimony out there (maybe not as boldly as i do, but that is my own personal choice)... to share the Good News and the ways of which God has blessed me so; blessings of hardship AND happiness.}


some people have more.  some have less.
either way, we all spend it differently.  whether willingly or not.

its life.

we all have a different life.
different circumstances.
different priorities.

personally speaking, i have very limited time.
even for myself.
my God has been pushed aside, and my thoughts have been swallowed up with an everyday "to-do" list that never says its goodbye.

its frustrating.
aggravating.
and more than anything, its draining.
this i am working on. 

i would ask, "why can't there be more hours in the day?", but in reality, THANK YOU, JESUS, because I would be flat worn out with a head full of grays.


life has just been... well, busy. and busy being an understatement.
our days, months, and weekends are already planned out before they even arrive, and that in itself is exhausting. the schedule we have now, literally leaves us with zero time to get involved with anything earlier than 8pm. with jr working 70+ hrs a week to make ends meet, its hard.
real hard.  so hard, that when i think about it hard enough, i'll cry... at least that was until last month.
no more pity party. yeah, Jesus take the wheel, but you know what, i'm also in that car, and as a Christian, its also my job to help make things happen.


after much prayer and discussion with God, i now know a simpler life is what He has planned for our little family.  the materials we once were infatuated with have become the materials we could care less about.  after his 70+ hr weeks, sunday is the ONLY day of the week we have to spend time together, spend time as a family, get done what we need done, and then get ready to do it all over, again. i dread mondays, but i also am reminded that we are one step closer to the freedom Jesus died on the cross for; the freedom He has meant for our lives, the freedom from the everyday unnecessary strongholds that is hindering our very future.

the more we come to grips with God's plan for us, the more LIFE we have seen and experienced in this house. we are no longer in bondage to what we thought was important, but instead, we stand firm and boldly approach what we KNOW is good bearing fruit.


these past few weekends, we have cleaned and organized our entire.house. every single room is well on its way to a sane environment.  one of peace and prosperity.  prosperity in our home, in our relationship with one another, and in our relationship with God.  time is being made, more than anything, to spend with Him.  to have the peaceful environment needed for a growing relationship with our Creator.  that is our number one priority. so far, so good.  we've got a little ways to go, but we're on the right track, and just last night, i was able to sit in bed and read for a good twenty minutes in peace and quiet. so thankful for even that little bit of time. the past few weeks have been a bit busy with business, but now, everything is set, and more time is already being spent on other productive aspects of my day.

disclaimer: please, understand, we are in no way ignoring anyone.  time is hardly ever left in the day for us, and when there is, it is generally spent in quiet (or with Jr, spent catching up on zzz's).  this is the only time my brain will allow me to get inspired, to write, or just to stop and be.  our day begins early and ends the second we hit the pillow, which is never earlier than 11pm. our weekends are always busy with places to go and things to do. please understand if we decline your invitation, can't chit chat on the phone any longer than 10min., and keep text message conversation short and sweet.  its a sad thing when every little thing has to be jotted down on a calendar in order to be fully enjoyed and appreciated, and we are trying our very hardest to make time for those we love.  right now, our daily living is somewhat of a strict schedule, and only with this strict schedule, we are able to get more accomplished (aside from my preggo symptoms kicking in).  until we can get into a routine, and figure out what works and what doesn't, we're pretty much swamped, and "swamped" isn't a friendly adjective we'd like to describe our little family when Cupcake finally makes her debut.

{ i know some will say, "oh, but you stay home."  that is an entirely different post, btw.  in other words, yes I do.  i stay home; a home of which i run the 70+ hours my husband is at work.  a home of which i, alone, work countless hours on a business i am determined to make something of.  i work every single second from the moment i wake up until the moment my brain finally shuts off, and my eyes shut closed.   -- just to give an example, when you're getting off work at 4:30pm-5:30pm, the 2nd half of my day is just beginning, much like yours is, i'm sure.  on a good day, jr is home by 6:15-6:20pm.  then, my goal is to have showers done, dinner made, house cleaned, animals fed, walked, and work done before he walks in the door; all amongst a list of other things.  and as crazy as it may sound, i've heard the same from other wives of busy working hubbys...  but, its comparable to a single mother living, and i don't personally know exactly what it is like to be a single mother, but on most days, I get a rather large taste of it.  yeah, we have hubby's, but they spend much much more time at work than at home.  and when they're home, they shower, eat, and then head to bed.  not by choice, either.  though, even this little bit of time, I am grateful for.   i don't expect everyone to understand, and that's perfectly fine, but please, enough bashing SAHM's.  we work, too.  just as long and just as hard as a mother who physically leaves their house and goes to work.  as a mother period, our jobs are never ending, but they're more rewarding than we could every fathom.}


this post is all kinds of jumbled up thanks to the lack of sleep on my part, which also makes it harder each day to get done what needs to be done, but i'm preggo, and preggo is doing its thang. i'd much rather take a nap than wash loads of laundry or the dishes in the sink, or sweep and mop the dog's hair up.  but in our house, as crazy as it is, when one thing doesn't get done, it just piles itself higher and higher, and there i am calling jr, bawling my eyes out, when that only leads to him being stressed out because i'm stressed out.  he works and he works hard, but when is hard, hard enough?  and when does work become slaving for things of unimportance; ones of which aren't glorifying to God? i think we have finally hit that marker, but thankfully, we have a loving God... One who woke us up, turned the lights on, and lit up a path for us to follow.

i understand this post could wire off into different categories or different debates, but after some serious discernment, interceding prayer from friends and family, i/we speak for our own personal family.  God has designed a special place and calling for each family and each member in the family, but this... this one, I feel is ours, and until He leads us otherwise, this is the path we will follow.  we're ready to be molded into working disciples.  He has opened our eyes, and with the talents jr and i have come to learn that we possess, we feel this is absolutely the right way of heading. we both have struggled long and hard enough, and for the most part, very little is shown as pleasing to God.  that hurts my heart more than anything, but we are done with trying to "make it" on our own, and we are done trying to keep God only on the sidelines of this family.  He has great and wonderful things planned out for us, so no more struggle when the struggle is for worldly possessions.  From here on out, I pray our struggle and fight is solely for the Throne!



I'm glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you're again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don't mean that your help didn't mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles. 
-- Philippians 4:12-13 (the message) 



Faith & Love, 
Casey


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