Super Woman (ha)

when i first became a SAHM, it wasn't what I had planned for my life.  it wasn't something that appealed to me... chores all day, and the "staying at home" part kinda freaked me out a bit. that's the idea i had made it out to be. (ignorance? yes.)


i know not every family is able to have the wife/mom stay home, but with our circumstances (past and present), there was no other alternative.  this left me experiencing postpartum depression, and with the feelings of "i'll never amount to anything beyond a Cinderella." 

shame on me.
and...
GLORY to Him!

not only did I find my calling as a SAHM, but also as a photographer. (which has taken me a longgg time to finally grasp that hey, i'm pretty darn okay at what i do. and i don't claim to be a mom who just picked up a camera, bc in actuality, the camera picked me up. long and true story, but yes, I am defending my stance! ha! )

jr and i have had many struggles.  much more than we ever bargained for, and much more than we could ever want, but need?  yes.  every struggle we've faced, its been worth the outcome and the FIGHT. i say this because we have been VERY stubborn in our ways and our "means of living". so God was only left to drag us in the dirt time and time again.  lesson learned. some are still in the process.  (i do thank Him for never giving up on us, though.  He knows we're are the stubborn kind)

my hubby is a hardworking machinist, and not to toot a horn, but an extremely talented one at that. i'm always in awe at how fast he has learned the craft, and how fast he has moved up with only a single semester of schooling in his entire career.  i admire his determination, work ethic, and most importantly, his drive to always become better and never settling for "just getting the job done."  he's passionate about what he does, and his talent always shines through; something that's hard in a competitive machining world, especially for a young machinist.

i wanted the exact same thing he had. (no, not the machinist job, bc i'm horrible with numbers)
not so much with my photography, but absolutely more so with not only being a mom, but a SAHM.
 

i want to be THAT mother/wife... the Super Woman who does.it.all.
i want to wake up at 5:30 every morning and crack open my bible while sipping on some tea, with a soft fuzzy draped over my legs, and my pink slippers peeking out.
i want to pray every single morning with my daughter before she even gets out of bed.
i want her to have a bedtime.  an actual bedtime.
i want us to go for morning walks and talk about anything and everything.
i want to be physically healthy, and teach my children the same.
i want to be able to sew even a button. (yes, i'm that horrible)
i want to at least spend 2 hours in the Word every.single.day.
i want to attend church every.single.sunday and actually be able to soak in the sermon, and not sit in the anxiety i have waiting for me the second i leave.
i want to make breakfast every morning for my husband (waking up at 4am right now is just not feasible. ha!)
i want a fresh and healthy dinner always prepared for my family.
i want my children to EAT that fresh and healthy dinner.
i want to see one.single.laundry.pile.at.a.time.
i want my house sparkling. (che'ah right, i know)
i want the yard done and weed free.... with perhaps a sweet little garden of colorful flowers. (i don't even know how to plant a flower)
i want a wreath on my door for every holiday/season. (this is the southern crafty gal in me)
i want to get dressed every.single.day (with at least my hair actually done. i have mane on my head, so this one is prob the most far fetched.)
i want to draw/color/make crafts with my children more often. (and actually have a place to put them)
i want to be a prayer warrior.
i want to be able to sit and enjoy a movie with my family without my to-do list screaming at me.
i want to be able to manage our finances.
take a vacation.
plan the vacation.
i want to be organized.
and geez louise, i can go on....
(ps. half of this stuff is hi-larious to me... like i'm in Better Homes & Gardens magazine or something, but hey, a gal can't dream can't she??)

and above all, i want Proverbs 31. 
i want to be a wife of noble character.
my devotion is to my husband and children, and i want that to shine far brighter than everything.


now, some days are better than others, and most days, I can say I do some of what's on my list above, but i want more.  i have a craving and thirst for more... i know God is calling me to DO more.  it took A LOT to cut back on my work, raise my prices, and leave it in God's hands.  but I know He will provide.  and if its His will for me to book one client a month or every 3 months, then so be it.  i thought my work made me who i am, but i quickly found out, that's a horrible and selfish way of thinking.  what makes me who i am is my God and my family.

lots of changes are taking place in the Ayala household...
many of which have already taken place since the new year, and i'm happy and proud to say i've kept them going and its february.  i'm on a roll, and i don't plan on looking back.  i have a path laid out and lit up, and i continue to pray God keeps that fire lit in my heart (and um, under my tush).

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." 

-- Matthew 6:21

(this verse screams at me! i love it!) 



ps. whenever i get an iphone, my posts will have images to go along with.  i like pictures, and posts without pictures give me a frowny face.

Faith & Love,
Casey