Baby Blues

i've been meaning to write this post for a while now... that and errr other posts, because well, like always, its been forever and a day since my last post.  this post is very near and dear to my corazon, however.  its a huge part of me that is letting go... a part of me that i feel i am losing...

i was a very very early 20 when i got pregnant with my first child... i didn't know much about being a mom... i mean, heck, i barely knew anything about being an "adult"... obviously. ha.  it was rough being a young mama... i lived with my parents off and on, and lovingly, my hubby (boyfriend at the time) came with.  being pregnant was hard... i hated how my body developed into this weird ginormous shape, and how everywhere i went people thought i was having twins. (ugh) bottom line, Preggersville just wasn't a beautiful story me, in my opinion... at the time... today, i see it much differently, thankfully.

so, you can imagine, breastfeeding wasn't something i really cared about it... i didn't really really know about it until after it was too late. 6 weeks i breastfed... probably the longest 6 weeks of my 20 year old life (aside from the last 3 weeks of being pregnant).

this go round... nearly 6 years later, breastfeeding came a whole lot easier... not to be confused with easy, but easier.  and here i am at 5 and half months, still breastfeeding.  i will note that no, she is no longer on the breast, and that yes, i pump... with a hand pump, and have been since day 1.  (i am proof your milk doesn't run out solely because of pumping) For more on my pumping woes (and possibly a good laugh), click HERE.

anywho... here's the hard part...
with my hubby working 60-70hrs a week, and on a night shift schedule (he is a machinist), things are a bit crazy around here.  time is extremely limited in our household, and we are always always on the go.  "Sunday Funday" has taken on an entirely new meaning, as that is the only day of the week, we spend together.  the hours in the day stretch as far as they can, but at the end of it, i run the household (not to be confused with the head of the household)... i do mostly everything except clean the kitty litter, take out the trash, grab the mail from down the street, and occasionally a load of dishes.  and then, there is my business... the dreams i have for it... my goodness... sometimes, i think i'm crazy.  a lot of focus is needed in that department as well.  not to mention, i can't head out to a session that will occupy more than 3 hours of my time... that gets tricky, believe me.  (similar to the one of two dates my hubby and i get every year... i spent half of it pumping. romantic, let me tell ya.) ---  i won't lie, there are times where i feel like a single mom...  i am so so so so very thankful for my husband... he is the epitome of a hard worker and his work ethic sets the bar high on any level.  he's awesome at what he does, and he will do anything to make sure his family is taken care of, just as he has the past 6+ years we have been together.  he is my blessings, and in return, i try my hardest to be a blessing to him.  (proverbs 31)

with all that said, i have reached my breaking point... i often feel like the runner at the end of an excruciating race... you want to collapse, but you're so close, you know that isn't an option.  yep, that's me... i am drained... mentally, physically, and spiritually.  i feel like i'm driving on E, and everything is shutting down.  there have been many nights where i have gone to bed in tears simply because i am so exhausted that i can't even fall asleep.  my brain never shuts off, and my eyes won't shut... all because of the 5 to-do lists and 5 calendars i have staring at me non-stop, every.single.day.

ps. no, my youngest is not sleeping through the night, and i average about 5 hours of sleep per night total, if i'm lucky.

okay, now back to breastfeeding... i did the math...
with Bella eating every 3 hours and me pumping every 4, I averaged about 7 hours of my day dedicated to just pumping and feeding.  SEVEN HOURS. (this doesn't include cleaning the pump.)   this obviously interferes with our crazy schedule, and Aislynn is at the point where Bella is her BFF, but sometimes, she's really not... she was the only one for so long, and here comes another... its been rough on her.  plus, with her starting school (she's been home with me most of her life), and her daddy working crazy hours and only getting to see him 15 minutes a day is painful for her little 6 year old heart.  its a lot to take in and a lot to handle.  and it got to the point where every time she turned around it was about Bella, and not her... i could see the hurt in her eyes, and it pained me.  spending time with her is so very important to me!

the past half month, after lots of thought, prayer, and discussion with my husband, i have decided to boot the pump, and half way into the weaning process, i have found my home is a happier place.  everyone seems happier now that mommy has "extra" time on her hands.  its refreshing, yet at the same time i almost feel lost as if i'm not sure exactly where to start with the time i now do have... i was programed every 4 hours to relieve the girls... my schedule completely revolved around it.  on top of that, the money saved is a HUGE bonus.  but of course, nothing can top being able to give my baby girl nothing anybody else can.  THAT is what hurts MY heart.  i feel like i'm letting her down... like i'm letting my hard working husband down... My original goal was to breastfeed at least past 6 weeks, and then i got the hang of it, and was super ambitious and said up until a year.  but... things change.  i thankfully didn't experience postpartum depression this go round, but i think mainly because i didn't have the time to... however, now that i'm weaning, i think i might be in the first few stages... its depressing, really.  i want to be able to give my little one the best, and i am making the choice not to.  then, i think of the benefits of my new found time... "something's gotta give", right??

there is sooo much to be said as this is one of those topics, but i'd be here all day, and well, so would you by reading this... that's if you're still reading. ha.

mommys, for those who weaned early (and on purpose), how did you feel?  how did you come to the decision, and how did you go from there?  would absolutely love and appreciate your thoughts!

in the mean time, here's some updated goodies for ya!

 

faith & love,
casey

Pump. Squeaky Squeaky. Pump.

man oh man!
breastfeeding.
oh, the hilarity!

i mean really.
the hilarity.

never a dull moment.

its like, "one day you're in... and the next, you're out."
literally.

with A, i was lucky enough to pump for 6 weeks. i was a clueless 20 year old, and well... the idea of breastfeeding just wasn't something i was enthused or thrilled about.  the girls were youthful, so why on earth would i want to tamper with such quality? until we started forking over our life savings for a 23.4 oz can of formula, and by that time, unfortunately, it was too late for me to reopen the factory for business.

this go round... i am one determined mama.  i mean a single can costs what? $25.  hmm... i can think of a million other things i can do with that $25. like get my herrr did. =P

technically, i am no longer nursing... baby to boob, anyway.
after soaked bras, t-shirts, and boppy pillows, i had to look at my other options.
plus, squirting my kid in the face mid-nursing session wasn't all fun and games.
so, i did what any desperate nursing mom would do... i turned to the good old fashioned hand pump.  non-electric, might i add.  (yeah, so, i like hard work.)  plus, the whole nursing in public thing... let me tell you, there once was a time where i was certain of being one friggin awesome multi-tasker.  nah-uh.  i was wrong. so very very wrong.  major props to you public nursing mama's! y'all are magicians!

some days, it seems worth it... others, not so much.

the girls have been strapped up since the day i came home from the hospital. and let's not forget those nice breast pads that noticeably deform your bra under a cute simple t-shirt.  then, not being able to take a shower until the tanks are empty, so you must plan accordingly, or you're forced to warn those around you to prepare their nostrils.  "hard as a rock" has never had more meaning.  your bras are just plain ugly.  and worst of all, the sound of a squeaky pump... they really should design one squeaky free or one able to safely absorb the wonder that is WD-40.  the.most.annoying.sound.ever.  however, quite entertaining, if you get into a nice rhythm... all you need is someone rappin' to the beat.  holla!

breastfeeding is literally a full-time job.
every 4 hours... they don't care if you're in the middle of eating, sleeping, of comforting your crying infant.  if you go passed that 4 hour mark, shame on you!  for shame!!  you will now reap the consequences.  the ladies, then send a signal to your brain to slow down the production.  but wait... if you can't find the time to drain adequately, and a quicky pumping session is in order, not good... nope... not good at all.  because, then, the ladies say, "ohh... i guess i don't need to produce anymore than what is already gone."  <<<---------- this is how i picture the conversation between my boobs and brain.

must.pump.

i've become OCD about it all.
if there aren't a certain number of bottles nicely lined up in my fridge, i get nasty.  real nasty.
my day goes to hell in a hand basket... and don't talk to me!  seriously... don't.  if you're stressing me out, don't even look at me, because thanks to you, i only pumped half of what i should. ugh.

let's get one thing straight... breastmilk is GOLD, and my fridge/freezer, a gold mine!

ha! no really... its that serious, folks.
as serious as literally crying over spilled milk...
i won't even go there.
cry me a river? no.
i will cry you an ocean and then some.


drinking water.
i have never.ever.ever in my life drank so much water on a daily basis.  i sometimes have to argue with myself over having a glass of OJ, or a glass of water.  the less water that goes in, the less milk that comes out.  so, if you don't like water, sorry 'bout your bad luck.  tough poop.  git'r'done or go home!


when its all said and done, i think it goes without saying, if your hormones aren't jacked up enough after just having a baby... they'll get even more jacked up the longer your boobs are the main source of your kid's health and happiness.  however... and a BIG however.  i have never been more proud of myself... besides saving a chunk of change, the fact that my baby is getting nutrients that man himself can not replicate... mannnnnn... where is my super cape??  i am friggin awesome!  at least in my tiny little world, i am.  so many reasons to top shelf the pump, but i will push... i will fight... i will pump till i can't pump no more!  i wasn't able to have both gals naturally, so this my homage to them, and to myself.  something i have set my mind to... something, i can later pat myself on the back for a job well done!

originally, my goal was to only pump until about 3-5 months, but i am praying, i can tackle the entire year.  yes, girrrrl, i am bold!  wish me luck!

pump on my friends! pump on!

 someone is officially OFFICIALLY 3 months!

Bella Boo @ 13 weeks old.

faith and love,
casey (pump pump)

reality in the making.

being a mother of two human babies, 2 furry babies, 2 scaled babies, and a wife of a 10-12 working hour night shift machinist is really all its cracked up to be.

i'm tired. my boobs ache. my hair looks like it was attacked by static balloons. and i smell... like spit up and boobage. my house is dirty. the dishes are piled up. supper has been anything but. and i feel like a prisoner in my own home reminiscing of the days when hopping in the car with my 5 year old took 2 minutes tops, when now, its a nice 30. ha!

BUT,

my home is full of love, giddy laughs, and sweet sweet smiles...and occasional temper tantrums every now and then.


HOWEVER,

i can't shake the daily to-do list screaming at me, and in order to avoid injuring myself, its taking everything in me to look the other way, including holding back the tears of daily frustrations.  knowing and realizing that i am not Super Mom.  over the course of the past month, i have come to realize that yes, everything does have a rhyme and reason, a purpose, a specific time.  and as badly as i wanted to birth Bella naturally, that wasn't God's plan, and i am beginning to see why... my patience... my unwillingness to dilute my perfectionism... the self diagnosed OCD-ism.  now, the true task at hand -- i am to fully focus on being the best MOTHER i can be - not the next Mr. Mrs. Clean.  and well... the wifey status... let's just say i have a loving husband who fully understands my daily unfashionable crazed and deranged look.

its been hard.  i'm sure some mothers will read this and think, "is she serious?".  yeah, i am.  some mothers are naturally gifted and were literally born to BE that Super Mom.  And perhaps i was too, but in a different light.  for now, i'm learning the ropes, and today, those ropes are much easier to swing on than they were last week.  a routine is being set into place, and i can proudly say, at 2.5 weeks, my baby girl slept through the night only waking up to eat, and then, right back to snoozville.  day by day, the seconds, the hours... they get easier.

through it all, i have to remind myself that not only am i learning and adjusting, but after being in a my nice and cozy womb for 9 months, Bella is also learning and adjusting.  (i'm sure she thinks we are crazy, btw.)

nonetheless, being a mother to 2 human babies, 2 furry babies, 2 scaled babies, and a wife to a 10-12 working hour night shift machinist is more than i could have ever asked for!  life is exciting, and "dull" is never swimming in our very lively new vocabulary.  every waking second isn't perfect, but its those imperfect moments that lead to those PERFECT moments.  its the smile i see on my girls' face that say me and their daddy are their number one.

so incredibly in love with this darling little chunky face.  enjoying the coo's and tiny smiles, especially.  i love watching my new little gal pal grow, and i'm absolutely in love with the bond we have all created as a sweet little family of four.


faith & love,
casey

why hello, darling.

my sweet baby girl is finally here!
words cannot describe the love filling our home this very second.
she has captivated our hearts!

blessed.
every time i look at her, my love for her grows.
she is precious and perfect in every way, and i praise God for giving us such a beautiful little blessing.

we are loving on her endlessly!  i never imagined loving her so much. we just can't get enough of her sweet little face!  and when she smiles, the world stops just for a moment, and in the moment, everything is perfect... absolutely perfect.

Meet Anabella Rose

Born: June 28, 2012 @ 4:12pm 

Weighing 9lbs 9.8oz 

Length: 20 3/4 inches

"For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb." -- Psalm 139:13

faith & love,
casey

these last few hours...

read this on a blog way back when...
tear.

its beautiful.

These Last Few Hours

It is important to me that I spend a part
of the new few hours here ~
alone with you in the darkness.

You and I will never be this close again
By morning you will be a tiny person ~
All your own.

No longer the kicking demanding bulge in my body
that I have grown to love so well.

I hope you will be safe on your journey tonight. 
I ask for strength to help you all I can.

Again you signal,
your impatience to be free ~
time to wake your Daddy.

faith & love,

casey

"dress rehearsal birth"

... that's how my silly aunt described it, and i couldn't have described it better, myself!

although it was a false alarm, and one which i felt in my bones, it was a nice dress rehearsal, only because i have yet to take the hospital tour.  yes, lazy would pretty much sum it up.  BUT, we got a nice tour and an "in action" experience before the BIG DAY arrives!

i've been having contractions... at least that's what i THINK.  because i have a high pain tolerance, its been very very hard to distinguish, and because i know Bella is not able to come naturally, i am absolutely terrified that she will, and i won't even know it.  i understand BH contractions are no where near actual labor contractions, but with Aislynn, my actual labor contractions weren't noticed until way later in the labor process when they were literally jumping off the charts, and i off my bed, they hurt so bad.  what i thought was just baby movement, was actual contractions, and i felt like a dummy when the nurse corrected me. ha! SO, my worst fear is putting Bella in ANY kind of stress, especially seeing how big she is already.  then, i was reading up on "back labor", and the symptoms listed seemed to describe what i was feeling... possibly, anyway.  it worried me.  worried me enough to head to the hospital late yesterday, afternoon.

a couple of weeks ago, my doctor mentioned going ahead and coming in when i felt 6 contractions in an hour.  late late Sunday evening and into the wee hours of Monday morning, they were constant for a good 4 hours.  i decided to take a warm shower, and thankfully, they went away... at least i think... when i'm asleep, i have NO idea if i'm having them or not, and end up dreaming that i am (or maybe i really am).  Monday early afternoon, they began again... this time for 3 hours straight, coming at 8-15 minutes apart. i've been swelling, lately, having severe hot flashes, lots of discharge, and ugly constant back pain, soooo i thought, "well... i'm already going against what the doctor said, so i GUESS i can put the stubbornness aside and head up there. better to be safe than sorry."

we came home, finished packing last minute items, i cleaned (of course lol), and headed out the door.  i knew in my knower i would be coming back home... its just that feeling you get, when you simply know.  but to put Jr's mind at ease, and to ask further questions about my contractions, i decided it was best.

we got there.
they signed me in, and while doing so, the contractions were still coming.
i was given a wheelchair (which i absolutely hated lol), and was wheeled up to L&D... still having contractions, btw.  NOW, please tell me whyyy they stop they second they hook up the monitors?? the consistency was gone, and it was clear i "cried wolf". ha!  embarrassing, much?  yes, very... especially when this is my 2nd kiddo. ha!   now, i won't mention they started back up after i had gotten home and got comfortable.

they hooked me up to the monitors, and the only REAL action and drama was Bella Boo's fighting skills.  she kicked the heart monitor off i don't know how many times, and my nurse actually had to bring in "back up" to re-hook it until they could get at least 20mins of monitoring, simply because she would not stay still.  it resorted to me having to press a tiny button every time i felt her move. crazy girl.

all in all... a full blown dress rehearsal.
the positive:  finding out there is indeed a hook on the door for my pretty wreath! ha! and now, i know exactly where to go come Monday.  i also know the staff on hand is very sweet!  plus, i had on zero make up, and my hair looked like it exploded out of my pony tail from being out and about that afternoon.  i also was able to see when exactly i was having a contraction... the first few i didn't notice, but of course, the last one righttttt before the nurse unhooked me, she confirmed i was a having a contraction in that very moment.  go figure.

SO, for now, i wait until my FINAL appointment, which is tomorrow, and in the mean time, time my contractions and when and only when they get to 5 minutes apart, head on in.  because i wasn't dilated much, i'm assuming the next time i see those nurses will be D-Day, and that is perfectly okay with me.  in God's timing, not my own. =]

thank you, all, for your prayers, well wishes, and support!
we're superrrrrrr excited about Monday... NEXT Monday that is! ha!


faith & love,
casey

hospital bag

i literally searched high and low on the world wide web for a GOOD hospital bag list... I didn't find the "perfect" one, but i found various ones which i put together to create my own perfect little one.

hope this helps you preggo mommas out there!

ps. i'm kind of a heavy packer, but i always like to be prepared.  plus, i'd rather pack too much, than send my hubby or somebody out to get something.   also, keep in mind because i am having a c-section, i'll be in the hospital for 4 days straight.  i had a c-section with Aislynn, however, it was very much unplanned, and Jr was back and forth between our home and the hospital the entire time, unfortunately.  the only thing i want him leaving the hospital for is possibly some Banana Pudding from Buc-ee's. =P

Mommy's Bag:

-  insurance card
- per-registration forms ( i turned these in when i first found out i was preggo.)

- folder to place paperwork

- boppy pillow

- make up

- deodorant

- lotion

- shampoo + conditioner

- dry shampoo

- face cleanser

- facial cleanser wipes

- tooth paste/brush

- dental floss

- hair brush

- maternity clothes to leave hospital

- loofah

- body wash/soap

- sandals or crocs (for shower)

- nursing bras (2)

- nursing cream

- nursing pads

- nursing cover

- glasses or contacts

- parachute undies 

- extra sanitary pads  (size large. ha!)

- q-tips

- slippers w/tread

- baby book (to stamp the little footsies)

- camera (2)

- perfume/body spray

- robe

- comfy hospital gown/top

- hair clip/tie

- bandana (because i always wear them to keep my bangs out of my face)

- chapstick

-  sleeping mask (because y'all convinced me)

Bella's Bag:

- Infant car seat and infant head support- You will not be allowed to leave the hospital without one; make sure you bring the instructions.

- car seat cover

- Going-home outfit

- hospital stay outfits- again, i'll be staying for 4 days, and i want Little Miss to look fab, so packed some extra cute onesies. (make sure they have the bottom snaps for easy diaper/clothing changes)

- Hat- Babies lose the vast majority of their body heat through their heads.

- Booties/socks

- Receiving blankets- Newborns love to be swaddled, and these blankets are perfect for swaddling. For the summer months, i registered for these snazzy things, and oh my! they are wonderful, and i haven't even used them yet! http://www.target.com/p/aden-anais-for-target-jillaroo-swaddle-wraps-4pk/-/A-11219608#?lnk=sc_qi_detaillink

- Newborn diapers- If they do not have the umbilical cord area cut out, make sure you fold them down.

- Wipes- Begin with the wipes that are designed for newborns or sensitive skin. my hospital, personally, does not carry actual wipes, but rather some type of towelettes that you are supposed to wash and use... yeah, no. WIPES and lots of them!

- Butt Paste -- this stuff is ah-mazing for diaper rash!

- Mittens - Many newborns will have longer nails, so they can easily scratch their face and other parts of their bodies.

- Pacifiers

 Daddy's Bag:

- 4 changes of clothes
- pajamas
- toiletries
- shoes/ slippers (for comfort)
- pillow
-blanket
- glasses/contacts/solution
- cash/quarters for vending machines
- phone charger
- (list of people to contact once baby makes his/her debut. as well as hospital address and room number.)

Aislynn's Bag/Sibling Bag:

-  5 changes of clothes
- toiletries
- stuffed animal
- blanket
- entertainment bag (so she doesn't drive LaLa and grandpa crazy. ha!)
^^ books, movies, puzzles, coloring books^^
- extra cash for whatever

(ignore the 20 year old stickers... too lazy to take them off. lol)


andddd, there ya have it! the Ayala's are rollin' deep, BUT i'm sure they have seen worse... at least that's what i keep telling myself. ha!

faith & love, 

casey

37 weeks.

i.am.tired.
tired of being pregnant.
and i feel like complaining... well, there's more to come of it, unfortunately.
ha!

my abdomen is super hard and achy all.day.long.
and when she moves, i wanna puke what very little i have eaten.
my back is killing me.
and contractions are getting stronger... today, i've had more than i normally have in an entire week... or so it seems. they are pretty consistent for about an hour, and then they stop... of course, right?  and then... a couple of hours later, they start up again... like now, for instance.  its teasing me, but this week would be the perfect week for her to come... my dad is in town, and next week, he won't be, unfortunately. =(  plus, her nursery is pretty much ready minus minor decorative goodies. =]

although i've read/heard most 2nd (and on) babies do NOT drop, i can tell she's further engaged into my pelvis. the pressure down below is errr uncomfortable, but when she gets to moving, i become paralyzed. sometimes, it even hurts to walk, and lots of the times, i wonder how on earth i made it to the restroom accident free.

-- speaking of... i'm in the restroom, now, about twice an hour... it would probably be more frequent, however mama is very determined to get some kind of rest before Bella Boo arrives, so i hold it until i dream of myself actually taking a tinkle...  we've all had that dream, no?  =P


now, for positive polly!

my 2nd glucose test came back... ahhhh... NORMAL! PRAISE GOD!  i was a worried mess.  it was a hard hard 3 days.  i've had an amazing pregnancy health wise, and have worked very hard to maintain a below 20lb weight gain (which, btw. i'm at 19, now. lol).  it would have killed me to have had any other test results, and then would have killed me to have to wait until they tested her.  but God is great, and i was literally in tears when i heard the good news!  now, i pray for a healthy ride out of Preggersville, and a healthy delivery!

my very last doctor's appointment is next Wednesday!  cuh-razy!  never thought i'd see the day!
then the following friday, i'm off for pre-op blood work, AND if Bella Boo hangs on long enough, she'll be here Monday July 2, no later than 2pm. <3<3<3 

EEEEK!!!! 


so aside from my "normal" preggo complaints... i can't really describe how i feel, right now.  so anxious, so thankful, so humbled, SO SO much LOVE just waiting to be shared!

37 Weeks:

How far along? 37 weeks & 5 days
Maternity clothes? proud to say i'm wearing the exact same clothes i wore 5-6 months ago. =]

Stretch marks? YES! I have 2 that have multiplied to 4 which are about 1/4 of a inch long. =(

Sleep: i nap during the day... thank you, God!

Best moment this week: a normal glucose read!

Miss Anything? yeah, my smaller waist. ha!

Movement: very much... i'm actually beginning to think she has bruised my top rib. =(

Food cravings: i just want apple juice... all day, everyday.

Anything making you queasy or sick: lots... i feel nauseated about 85% of the day.

 Have you started to show yet: that ship has sailed. i can't imagine my stomach getting any bigger. i really can't.

Gender: Princess
Labor Signs: Geez... yes! 
Belly Button in or out?  umm... unfortunately, its about half and half at this point. yuck. lol
Wedding rings on or off? very much on... and no struggle to remove it, either! happy camper, i am!
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! EXCITED!!

Looking forward to: the end of this chapter. =P

Size of Baby: That is yet to be determined.... worried she won't fit into her cute newborn clothes that i worked sooo hard to pick out. we'll see!

ps. hospital bag post will be up, tomorrow! =D

pps. this will be my 2nd to last PREGGO post. 

Weeee!

faith & love, 

casey

36 weeks

as of Sunday, I am FINALLY  full term... therefore able to breathe just a tiny bit... figuratively, of course. ha! this week has been tough... the toughest yet.

i'm exhausted. literally drained. i know a lot of it has to do with this crazy Houston heat, and the major loss of appetite, but i can honestly say, all i want to do is sleep, and then sleep some more.  i feel like a big fat grizzly bear confused by the season.  i don't feel up to doing anything.  anything. 

i've been feeling lots of pressure down below, however my last doctor's appointment on Wednesday revealed that i am zero percent dilated and have not thinned.  although, anxious for her to come, that was sort of a relief, simply because we still have a few things to get things done around the house.  nothing crazy major, but we would like to be able to sit and relax and fully enjoy our time with her once she gets here without worrying about walking around boxes, or the house not being clean, or the clothes not being washed.  we still have to organize Aislynn's room, and then clear out the clutter in ours to make room for the cradle and various other odds and in's. other than the clothes being washed and done, everything else is being left to finish tomorrow, after breakfast and a movie for the hubby, which i really hope i am up for.  we're super late and all that jazz, but The Avengers is on the itinerary. =P

all of her clothes/blankets/bibs and so forth have been washed, hung up, folded, and her bag is fully packed.  Aislynn's bag is packed, and mine is packed minus the few "last minute" emergency items such as my make-up and possibly my shampoo (because i know the hospital doesn't have shampoo made specifically for bleached hair, and those little travel sized bottles last me literally 2 washes because i have so much hair).  i'm REALLY hoping to do a hospital bag post, because although i searched high and low for the "perfect" list, there were still quite a few things i thought could have been added.  i also made a "daddy list" as well. so, hoping to share that with you guys, this upcoming week.

i think partly to being so drained, i'm probably more sad than anything.  i've been pregnant for what seems like forever, and if she decides to wait, on Monday, exactly 2 weeks from then, we will see her beautiful little face.  its so surreal, and we are beyond excited, however, there is that sense of, "i will never be THIS close to her ever again", and that breaks my heart a little.  we've had such an amazing experience together, and we've bonded the most we'll ever bond.  then, i think of Aislynn, and much and how fast she has grown, and i can't wait to experience the same with Bella.  i can't wait for Aislynn to experience the "big sister" role.  and i can't wait for Jr to experience the overload of hormones. ha!

its gonna be epic.

36 Weeks:

no picture.
i am horrible, i know.

faith & love,
casey

happy father's day!

i have to say, i have been mighty blessed with such good and Godly men in my life! every year, i am more thankful to call him "dad" and him "hubby".  believe it or not, the day i met Jr, he smelled like my dad... exactly.  Exactly enough to where i found out they were sporting the exact same cologne, D&G.  if that wasn't a sign, i dunnoooo. ha!

they both inspire me in their own way, and i can honestly say i am a better person because of them.  i love you both, dearly!  thank you, for loving me unconditionally!  father's play such a HUGE HUGE role in a child's life, and I thank God for blessing me with men of such character, honor, and LOVE!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

so true!

faith & love, 

casey

35 Weeks

today, i am 36 weeks and 2 days.
i have this odd odd feeling, she'll be here next week, if not late this week.
or maybe its just been the fact that i have been go go go my entire pregnancy, that these past few days, i've been able to chill, and am finally coming to the realization that i am indeed very very preggo.

i thank God, for giving me such fabulous energy this pregnancy... its gone smoothly and with very very minor complications, if that's what you want to call it.  however, this pregnancy has been a complete 180 of Aislynn's.  everything is quite different... good and bad in aspects, but overall, a blessed experience, and one which i can honestly say i'm sad to see go.  Bella Boo and I have bonded so much these past couple of months, i can't help but see God's beautiful miracles day in and day out... they're kinda just screaming at me saying, "hallelujah! you serve an awesome God!"  its been a beautiful journey to say the least!  thank you, daddy Jesus!

sometimes, i wish i could vlog because i have so much to say, but i'm not much of a video camera person, and with all of this heartburn + pressure on my lungs, it will take me forever to spit out one clear sentence without sounding like i'm going to die.  so here goes...
ps. it gets kinda graphic as you read further, but i'm an open book, and have def appreciated all of the other mommy bloggers and vbloggers who have been just as open about their pregnancy, so thought i would return the favor.
 
i can't really tell if she's dropped... i mean, she's already so big, i dunno if there's any more room for her to actually drop anywhere, so only time will tell.  or, perhaps my doctor will at my next appointment on wednesday, which is when i will start going every week.  i def haven't been able to breathe easier, but again, she's prob already 8 lbs IF the ultrasound was correct, and I'm still under my weight gain, so my stomach is rather hard... like real real hard.  sometimes, so hard, i just want to cry, not so much because it hurts, but it is a real annoying feeling... not sure how to describe it, but its just not fun...at all.  it aches, and then when a braxton hicks hits, it feels like it can't possibly get any harder. 

my braxton hicks are tricky.  i get them more times a day that i can count.  on sunday, they were consistent for only 40 mins, and then POOF, they were gone.  today, in the grocery store, i got my most painful one, and then from there, they've been off and on.  i usually have to brace myself when i feel one coming, because again, my stomach gets super hard, and it literally takes my breath my away, and then, i look like i've been shot. ha!

i'm beginning to feel lots of pressure down in errr that zone. ha!  but again, not sure if she's ready, dropped, or is just super big, and perhaps there's just no where else her big head can move.  tricky tricky, yet again.

my trips to the restroom are very frequent... didn't think they could get more frequent, but i find myself sitting on the royal throne half asleep once every hour. 

i've been using the potty (um. #2) quite often... at first i thought it was something i had eaten, but that would have passed already, so i find myself in the rr more often than not. 

the nausea has officially returned, and blah... i just can't eat like i did a month ago. my appetite is like, "yeahhhh right" ::whimper::

i'm superrrrrrrrrrrrrr tired.  (was that enough, "r's"??)  again... not sure if its because i have just been so darn busy, or because i really am that tired.  either way, i can't get enough sleep.

sleeping has become difficult... very difficult.  and yes, i know i won't be getting sleep later... i have been through this before. lol but there's a huge difference in losing sleep because you are woken up every 45 minutes than losing sleep because you aren't even sleeping more than 45 minutes the entire night. the soreness down there leaves me dreading bed time, so i stay up as late as my eyes will burn without really burning, and then i struggle the entire night... trying to find a position that will make the pain down below not as painful, yet somewhat bearable. plus, i have sleep apnea, and am already woken up every 30 minutes, naturally. boo.  however, THIS pillow, has really really been a life saver the past 6 months, when the pain down below actually began.  i highly recommend it!  i will note, the way the pillow is positioned in the picture (on the link) was how i originally began sleeping with it, however, my stomach is just so big these days, the larger part of the pillow is now between my legs, and the smaller part of the pillow is now supporting my belly.  otherwise, i'll experience back pain from the weight not being distributed correctly. 

last, but not least... i'm 50% sure i lost my plug on Sunday, morning.  was in the restroom superrr early, and when i went to flush, i took a quick glance at the toilet, and saw what looked like it was umm my plug, however, by the time my sleep eyes could focus, all had been flushed away.  however, the discharge i was having earlier this week, disappeared after what i think i saw happened.  in addition to what i think i saw, back cramps are more frequent and more painful. =/

all in all, hoping to get some kind of results/answers on wednesday, because in all honesty, i am feeling miserable at this point with zero answers.  its frustrating, and of course, i just want to know if something is going on.   
 
anywho, here's a mini recap of my 35th week!
i can't believe i'm already 36 weeks, yet at the same time, July 2 seems awfully far away, IF she decides to wait that long... i highly doubt it. =P

35 Weeks:

mini me started swimming, last week, and she made more progress in a 45 min session, than she did all of last summer! so proud of her!

 it wasn't sunny out, however, with the lack of sleep, you'd think i had been crying my eyes out the entire night, they were so swollen. =(

 

and here we are! 

baby shower came and went... not without drama, of course, but tis was a blessed day, anyway! Thank you, to everyone who shared this special day with us, not to mention braved this crazy-houston-we-aren't-even-in-the-summer-yet-heat!  love you! <3


ps. excuse the typos... its 3am. 

faith & love, 

casey

nursery {sneak peek}

if you follow me on facebook or pinterest, you'll see i have been nursery-decorating-obsessed since even before i found out Bella was/is a SHE.  some people probably don't put as much thought into it all, and think i am entirely way too crazy, but i love love love to decorate, love the feeling of accomplishing something i worked truly hard at, and the final product... nothing compares! the creativity just sky rockets and that, my friend, is my therapy. =]

i searched and searched for ideas... you know on pinterest, searching for ONE idea can turn into months and months of hours logged in. yep. that happened.  i knew for sure i didn't want pastels... they're pretty, but too cliche for me, and i wanted a theme i can run with when Bella Boo gets older, because obviously re-decorating a room is quite costly.  finally, after lots of pinning and web-surfing, it was there... right in front of me, "Bella." her names says it all... "BEAUTIFUL." so, that was where the brainstorming began... Spanish flair was the theme.

moving has somewhat hindered the process of it all coming together, simply because i need to visually see what's going where... otherwise, i'll end up with too much stuff and not enough places to put it.  that, and a hurt wallet. ha!  now, that we are finally here, its all coming to me, and i can't be more thrilled! its a work in progress, definitely, but one thing at a time... one wall at a time... one shelf at a time... Soon enough, it will be complete!


here's what has been orchestrated so far.
hope you enjoy.
<3

 a lot of the goodies in her room are thrifted, hand-me-downs, or purchased at Hobby Lobby's 40-50% off sale, or given as gifts.

--the chair and ottoman i purchased at Goodwill over a year ago... it has cute little pineapples on it... i'm reallyyy wanting to re-do it, but Jr is obsessed with the pineapples, so okay, I'll leave it alone... for now. ha  anywho, its a chair that snuggles with you! i love it, and for $35, i couldn't pass it up.

-- the vintage spanish crocheted throw was given to me by my Aunt/God Mother... it was given to her when was young. its huge and super comfy!

-- the teddy bear was Aislynn's... "Boo Boo Bear"... my mother gave this to her as a warm fuzzie to hold when she wasn't feeling well.

-- the side table is actually a plant holder... i loveddd the cast iron and detail of it, so i snagged it at Hobby Lobby for $14.99 on clearance.  its mainly to place her bottles and little odds and in's while feeding, reading, or singing her to sleep.

-- the dresser was my mother's when she was younger... my sister and my dad re-did it about 2 years ago, and i threatened asked my sister to have it, and she gave in.  so sweet of her!

-- the glass lamp on the dresser was given to me by the same aunt who gave me the throw. looking to get a lamp shade from goodwill, and cover it with red ruffle trim.

-- the cross, rug, and crown (pictured above) was purchased at Hobby Lobby... again at 50% off. (i'm obsessed with that store... i guess.)

-- the stuffed little birdies are for Bella's mobile that i will be making... the entire thing cost me less than $12. =]

-- the tall vintage lamp shade (pictured above) was FREE at a garage sale.  i plan on hanging it from the corner ceiling over the chair.

-- the mirror on the wall was given to me by my mother... its gold right now... debating on painting it canary yellow to match the sheer curtains i have yet to buy... looking to add red pom poms as a trim to that as well.

-- {what you can't see just yet}
*  her toy box... its solid wood and cherry brown... it was mine when i was a wee one, and its perfect to house all of her toys and little goodies.

* vintage throws...  i have a pretty hefty amount that has been given and/or thrifted/collected as props.  so, we are purchasing zero blankets... except special breathable receiving blankets to accommodate these crazy Houston summer months. 



thank you, to those who have contributed to Bella's room!  it gives me warm fuzzies to know you are thinking of her.  and to those who gave prior to Preggersville Round 2, thank you for sharing and shedding light on my little inspiration. <3

will be sharing more, soon!


faith & love,
casey

33 & 34 Weeks.

seems like fo-ever since i've blogged.
so so much has been going on, and finally, i am sitting here at my kitchen table catching a breath before i begin dinner for two.

these last couple of weeks have been something else....
with moving the entire week (yes, the entire week) to having my very last ultrasound on Tuesday...
life has been hectic.


so yes, we are finally moved in. i can't believe the day finally came...
we're still unpacking boxes, so at times it feels like we're living temporarily in a hotel. ha!
organizing rooms is tough being that was downsized our living space, however, i absolutely loveeeeee walking from room to room in a matter of seconds rather than climbing the evil stairs of death.  this casita is such a blessing, already!  thankful thankful!  i'll try and have pics up, soon... you know, minus the boxes and all. =]

*moving day*

today, i am 34 weeks and 4 days, and tomorrow....
well, tomorrow is June.  Will JUNE be the month, or will she wait until July 2?? ::shrugs::
either way, mama is carrying a 7lb baby.... yes 7lbs.  average weight for 34 weeks is nearly 5lbs. sooo, with that being said, i have to re-do my glucose test... yes, again. BLAH! that evil drink... i'm sure i would have LOVED it at the age of 5, but now... different story. ::gag::  we are pretty sure she is just long like her sister, however Aislynn was delivered at 40 weeks and was 8.5lbs.  if Bella decides to wait until 39 weeks, she'll be around 9-10lbs. ::OHEMGEE::   HOWEVER, the ultrasound is merely a guesstimate. so i could or could not have a gordita growing inside of me.

they also found very slight fluid in her left kidney... the doctor said, "its nothing to lose sleep over." but me?  well, i lose sleep over knowing there are dishes in the sink.  so, i cried and cried.  this entire pregnancy i have felt so completely helpless, especially with this move, which i probably did too much work anyway, however, its the one thing that bugs me.... not being able to help as much as i would like, and as much as some would need.  so you can imagine, knowing there is ANY fluid in my baby's kidney has me feeling like there is absolutely nothing i can possibly do.  we called the doctor again, today, to gather more information on the matter and perhaps schedule a 2nd ultrasound, but she did reiterate that it is nothing of concern, and should clear itself up before Bella even gets here.  i know God is in control and i have faith everything will work out according to His plan for my Bella Boo.  i am thankful nothing more severe was discovered, and that otherwise Bella is looking BELLA!  ps.  girlfrannn has A LOT of hair!

33 Weeks:

34 Weeks:

How far along? 34 weeks and 4 days
Maternity clothes? one maxi dress, 2 pairs of pants, 2 shirts...still. 

Stretch marks? YES! I have 2 that are about 1/4 of a inch long. =(

Sleep:  horrible horrible. the pain down below is crazy bad. when turning from side to another, there is ONE joint that ALWAYS pops, and I ALWAYS have to prepare myself for it. OUCH!

Best moment this week: Seeing Bella's ultrasound.... even if she was a stubborn chickadee!

Miss Anything? STILL dyingggg to head to the beach! Yes. Still.

Movement: All the time... however, its beginning to actually hurt a bit... i mean she's 7lbs already, so yeah. not much room for her to move, but she is already in position. the weirdest thing is feeling her arm or shoulder brush up against my pelvic bone... superrr freaky. lol

Food cravings: I just discovered Panera Bread. 'nough said.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing that hasn't in the past.... but my appetite has faded a bit.

 Have you started to show yet: very much so.... my belly feels like a basketball filled with entirely way too much air.

Gender: Princess
Labor Signs: YES! About once every hour or so.
Belly Button in or out?  In.
Wedding rings on or off? On, and SO happy its been on this long! I had to cut it off with Aislynn. =/
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy!

Looking forward to:  Finishing up Bella's room and Baby Shower. =]

Size of Baby: According to the ultrasound.... 7 whopping pounds! Geez!

Faith & Love,

Casey

31 & 32 weeks {and a bare belly!}

this month has been crazy.
however, i think i have noted that repeatedly in the last 20 blog posts or so. ha!

the time is drawing near.
my belly is growing over night and Bella is a little fighter. that girl, i tell ya.  its getting to the point where she has less and less room to move around, so it hurts from time to time and she tries to get comfy.  Aislynn never moved quite so obvious, and i'm guessing because i ate so much, there was always plenty of room to move and grow. ha!

other than being extremely tired all.the.time. the pain down below is starting to subside a bit.  orr perhaps, i'm just becoming immune to it.  orr, perhaps, i'm just too busy to notice.  either way, i'm not complaining. braxton hicks are starting to kick into over drive.  today, i've already had 4-5, when normally i have 2 MAYBE 3 a day.  girlfran has hiccups at least 6-7 days a day. poor babe.  she also has seemed to have dropped justtt a tiny bit.  i no longer feel her as strong at the very top of my belly as i did just last week. however, i feel her quite well down um, below.

Aislynn is about to burst with excitement and anxiousness! she'd much rather have me place my cell phone on my belly and watch it dance, than put her tiny hand on my belly and have Bella karate chop her.  she's superrr excited to "share everything with Bella", and is actually rather upset that Bella hasn't made her debut yet.  i'm thinking once Bella Boo gets a hold of Aislynn's Barbie's, a whole other story will be told, and i expect it to be narrated in an annoyed yet whiny tone.

tomorrow, WE MOVE! YAY!
i can't wait until all of this is over and done with. exhausted is an understatement, and my brain is officially MIA.  my calendar looks like it threw up, and my nerves are seriously shot.  sometimes, i just want to sit and cry, but i'm a big girl, and hold it in, thus giving me a monster headache. =/  i told my friend tonight, "if Bella comes early, i'm pushing her back in!"  sorry, sweetheart, the Ayala Casita is way too crazy for a wee little one right at this moment. stay nice and tight until July 2.  please and thank you.

so with all that said, insomnia is in high gear.
my brain does not want to shut up or shut down. REM stage is a thing of the past, and i have massive bags under my ojos.  not cute.

prayers please!

this is my belly at 21 weeks. 

i am being SUPER brave and debuting a bare belly, so be nice, now. ha!

if you look closely, you can see allllllll of my battle scars. yeah, aislynn done fought the good fight. and please tell me why mosquitoes seem to go for my belly, ONLY?? super weird.

and lastly, those are my maternity panties... ones which i figured i would grow into. its been 4 months, and they're still big, so if you see me hiking them up, you know why. =P

32 Weeks!

the week of pure exhaustion!

ps. instagram NOW has "tilt shift".

holla!

Hope you all have an AH-MAZING weekend!
BLESSINGS!



faith & love,
casey