i'm tired. my boobs ache. my hair looks like it was attacked by static balloons. and i smell... like spit up and boobage. my house is dirty. the dishes are piled up. supper has been anything but. and i feel like a prisoner in my own home reminiscing of the days when hopping in the car with my 5 year old took 2 minutes tops, when now, its a nice 30. ha!
BUT,
my home is full of love, giddy laughs, and sweet sweet smiles...and occasional temper tantrums every now and then.
HOWEVER,
i can't shake the daily to-do list screaming at me, and in order to avoid injuring myself, its taking everything in me to look the other way, including holding back the tears of daily frustrations. knowing and realizing that i am not Super Mom. over the course of the past month, i have come to realize that yes, everything does have a rhyme and reason, a purpose, a specific time. and as badly as i wanted to birth Bella naturally, that wasn't God's plan, and i am beginning to see why... my patience... my unwillingness to dilute my perfectionism... the self diagnosed OCD-ism. now, the true task at hand -- i am to fully focus on being the best MOTHER i can be - not the next
its been hard. i'm sure some mothers will read this and think, "is she serious?". yeah, i am. some mothers are naturally gifted and were literally born to BE that Super Mom. And perhaps i was too, but in a different light. for now, i'm learning the ropes, and today, those ropes are much easier to swing on than they were last week. a routine is being set into place, and i can proudly say, at 2.5 weeks, my baby girl slept through the night only waking up to eat, and then, right back to snoozville. day by day, the seconds, the hours... they get easier.
through it all, i have to remind myself that not only am i learning and adjusting, but after being in a my nice and cozy womb for 9 months, Bella is also learning and adjusting. (i'm sure she thinks we are crazy, btw.)
nonetheless, being a mother to 2 human babies, 2 furry babies, 2 scaled babies, and a wife to a 10-12 working hour night shift machinist is more than i could have ever asked for! life is exciting, and "dull" is never swimming in our very lively new vocabulary. every waking second isn't perfect, but its those imperfect moments that lead to those PERFECT moments. its the smile i see on my girls' face that say me and their daddy are their number one.
so incredibly in love with this darling little chunky face. enjoying the coo's and tiny smiles, especially. i love watching my new little gal pal grow, and i'm absolutely in love with the bond we have all created as a sweet little family of four.
faith & love,
casey
