Invisible Hour Glass

(written May 21, 2011)

I grew up in a family of 7... my parents, and then us 5 girls. Time was something we had little of... always in a rush, and always on the go.  We rarely just sat and did nothing, and when we did it was to sleep at night. Not a bad thing, because there was never a dull moment...

But, even today, I still feel like I'm going 100mph, and even then, I feel as if I'm going nowhere... well, I know I'm going somewhere, but that somewhere needs to hurry up and get here. 

So, I'm impatient, yeah, I get that.  I thought I had learned the value of patience when my senior year of high school, our dance team was invited to the Super Bowl Half Time Show, and during practice, we waited for-ever, and I don't mean an anxious forever wait, I mean an all day forever wait.  At that point, I didn't care if I saw Janet Jackson, or my teen heart throb, Justin Timberlake.  All I knew was that it was raining, humid, and very very crowded.  And just when I thought I had learned the art of patience, P. Diddy took the stage to rehearse.  And he rehearsed for a good 3 hours straight... starting over and over and over again, until everything was perfect. Really?? I was beginning to dislike him more and more with each passing minute.  But then... but then... the hour finally came, and as I ran across Reliant's football field hand in hand with a fellow dancer, making our way up to the 2nd row in front of the stage, it was all worth it. (except JT looking scruffy... not sure what happened there, but I was kinda disappointed)

This is how I see my life...  Things I want to do, accomplish, and ultimately move forward from... I feel like there is just so much I want to do in this lifetime, but like there isn't enough time, money, motivation, and so on and so forth to get it all done.

The house needs to be finished unpacking, and then finished decorating.  July can't come soon enough so we can get Aislynn into either swimming or cheer leading. Not to mention, we will be reunited with our future Marine, sister Chelsey. Wanting to have another baby... we aren't getting any younger, folks.  Wanting to take a family vacation to Disney World, Hawaii, Atlantis, and hopefully El Salvador this upcoming year.  Wanting to get my business booming faster than what it is.  Wanting to get more involved in the church. And then everything in between all of those wants, wishes, and dreams; all of the little things that add up to the actual event taking place.  That is where it gets tough, and that is where I get lost, frustrated, and overtly anxious.  That is when I want to press the fast forward button, and see our lives right then and there... with everything we hope and dream for.  I feel like there's an invisible hour glass, with sands too quick to grab a hold of. Where time doesn't stand still, and with each passing grain, a passing week, month, year... Its all too much.

I want it, and I want it, now.

 

And then I read this, this morning...

" I, the Creator of the universe, am with you and for you. What more could you need? When you feel lack, it is because you are not connecting with Me at a deep level. I offer abundant Life; your part is to trust Me, refusing to worry about anything. 

It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of the situation, to bring about the results you desire. Your thoughts close in on the problems like ravenous wolves.  Determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life.  The only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem to My presence.  Stop all of your striving, and watch to see what I will do. I am the Lord. "

-- Jesus Calling 

by Sarah Young

June 19, 2010 {San Antonio, TX}

Faith and Love,
Casey

The Best Job in the World!

I got knocked up at 20, and gave birth at 20. Yep, you could say that was quite a big year for such a youngling.  And it was.  It wasn't easy by any means, and it seemed that as time went by, the harder it got.  Sometimes, yes, I would question if they gave me the wrong baby in the delivery room, or perhaps she was my younger sister reincarnated. But as I look at her today... okay, okay, I still ponder those same questions.

But I also see the most beautiful blessing in the world.  I see a past, present, and a future.  One that wouldn't have been as bright, or wouldn't be as wonderful without her.  My precious 4 year old.  My sweet sweet Aislynn Love. 

So when I was pregnant, I would ask God to pleaseeeeeeeeeee give me a baby girl. One, because I dunno how to take care of boys or their umm part, and two because I wanted to play with hair, share Barbie's, dress up, and go shopping with.  I wanted Miss Prim and Proper.  When Aislynn was born, she was a quiet baby; rarely fussed over anything (except when she was hungry, of course).  She was perfect. Simply perfect. 

A few years went by, and this "simply perfect" idea of mine, turned into jumping in mud puddles, hating hair combing time, throwing her hair accessories, to kicking and screaming over the slightest little bit of dramatic, one who's favorite word was "no", and who's dress wearing days were over after a mere 3 mo's old.

I wasn't sure what happened, or perhaps where I went wrong... I mean... this little girl. My sweet baby girl was practically a tomboy. What happened???

As time went by again, I learned what she loved, what she didn't love, and what she straight up loathed. I learned to lock those "pushable" buttons, and walk away with a smile. And of course, she discovered new buttons, and she too walked away with a smile.

Aislynn is a handful, and I'm not saying this because she's my kid, but everyone says this. And she's not ill mannered, but instead, she's a ball of fire with never ending energy.  Honestly speaking, she wears me out, and sometimes, I wish I could just catch a little break... a little mommy time every now and then.  However, when that time finally comes, I'm upset because I miss her so much.  I remember, not long ago, I was beyond pooped, and she went over to her grandmother's house for the night.  I literally cried myself to sleep missing her so much.  I just wanted to hold and cuddle with my fave gal pal. That's all I wanted.  My days aren't complete without her in them. Something feels like its missing, and I know its her absence.

These days, we're the best of friends (at least until daddy comes home and vice versa).  I love my baby girl, and all that she is.  She may hate having her hair combed, but she enjoys "playing hair" with mommy, she enjoys pink just as much as mommy, and she treasures mommy's old Barbie's.  She doesn't write on the walls, or color in her books.  She loves to read (unlike me when I was young), dance, appreciates a nice red delicious apple, and is super smart; so smart that she scored above average on all of her tests. (again, questioning the delivery room switch) I will admit though, even as the mommy and the adult, her intelligence is a little intimidating to say the least.  We're still learning her tricks of the trade, knowing we'll never master them, as we are parents, and are still learning. Every.single.day.

Aside from that, she loves fashion, anything artistic related, taking pictures with mommy's camera, the water, KSBJ, and she's THE best helper!

Although, she wasn't what I had originally planned, she's even better. God knew she was an exact perfect fit for me! 

Its funny, because when I first found out I was expecting, I couldn't imagine life with her. Even the signs of a growing belly felt weird to me, and just thinking about caring for another life... well I couldn't fathom it.  But now, I couldn't imagine life any other way.  I couldn't imagine not waking up to "mommy I'm hungry... what about cereal? okay, no, I want eggs, okay no, I want cookies!!" I couldn't imagine her not climbing into bed with us after a scary dream, or chasing her down the pavement in her Barbie car.  I couldn't imagine or even begin to fathom what life today, would be like without her.

I have the best job in the entire world; being a mother.  Nothing can compare to the feeling.  Its beyond amazing, beyond rewarding, and beyond pure awesome-ness.

I love my baby girl!  

My Aislynn Love! 

The night my world changed.  October 31, 2006.

 New Years Eve 2008/2009

 Family Pics (2010)

 Eating a yummy dinner at 51 Fifteen. (2010)

 Before heading out to take pics with Santa. (2010)

 Testing out a new lens.  (2010)

 San Antonio (2010)

 About to head out and spend daddy's money. hehe (2010)

 I had just got home from school. (2009)

My 24th.

 Halloween (2010)

 Galveston (2007)

 Valentine's Day (2007)

 Before heading out to see Tangled (2010)
haha Love her expression! That's a "mommy you crazy!"

 

November (2008)

 Before bedtime (2007)

 2009

Playing with mommy's MAC (2011)

 Christmas 2010

 

October 2010  

("Beauty and Brains" - Crystal M.)

Happy Mother's Day to all mother's out there past, present, and future! Whether you take care of your child, mother, sibling, dog, or cat! It takes a special woman to be a mother, and I know its not easy, but as you know, its well worth it!  Blessing to you all!

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he

will not depart from it" (Prov 22:6)

Faith and Love,
Casey