Invisible Hour Glass

(written May 21, 2011)

I grew up in a family of 7... my parents, and then us 5 girls. Time was something we had little of... always in a rush, and always on the go.  We rarely just sat and did nothing, and when we did it was to sleep at night. Not a bad thing, because there was never a dull moment...

But, even today, I still feel like I'm going 100mph, and even then, I feel as if I'm going nowhere... well, I know I'm going somewhere, but that somewhere needs to hurry up and get here. 

So, I'm impatient, yeah, I get that.  I thought I had learned the value of patience when my senior year of high school, our dance team was invited to the Super Bowl Half Time Show, and during practice, we waited for-ever, and I don't mean an anxious forever wait, I mean an all day forever wait.  At that point, I didn't care if I saw Janet Jackson, or my teen heart throb, Justin Timberlake.  All I knew was that it was raining, humid, and very very crowded.  And just when I thought I had learned the art of patience, P. Diddy took the stage to rehearse.  And he rehearsed for a good 3 hours straight... starting over and over and over again, until everything was perfect. Really?? I was beginning to dislike him more and more with each passing minute.  But then... but then... the hour finally came, and as I ran across Reliant's football field hand in hand with a fellow dancer, making our way up to the 2nd row in front of the stage, it was all worth it. (except JT looking scruffy... not sure what happened there, but I was kinda disappointed)

This is how I see my life...  Things I want to do, accomplish, and ultimately move forward from... I feel like there is just so much I want to do in this lifetime, but like there isn't enough time, money, motivation, and so on and so forth to get it all done.

The house needs to be finished unpacking, and then finished decorating.  July can't come soon enough so we can get Aislynn into either swimming or cheer leading. Not to mention, we will be reunited with our future Marine, sister Chelsey. Wanting to have another baby... we aren't getting any younger, folks.  Wanting to take a family vacation to Disney World, Hawaii, Atlantis, and hopefully El Salvador this upcoming year.  Wanting to get my business booming faster than what it is.  Wanting to get more involved in the church. And then everything in between all of those wants, wishes, and dreams; all of the little things that add up to the actual event taking place.  That is where it gets tough, and that is where I get lost, frustrated, and overtly anxious.  That is when I want to press the fast forward button, and see our lives right then and there... with everything we hope and dream for.  I feel like there's an invisible hour glass, with sands too quick to grab a hold of. Where time doesn't stand still, and with each passing grain, a passing week, month, year... Its all too much.

I want it, and I want it, now.

 

And then I read this, this morning...

" I, the Creator of the universe, am with you and for you. What more could you need? When you feel lack, it is because you are not connecting with Me at a deep level. I offer abundant Life; your part is to trust Me, refusing to worry about anything. 

It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of the situation, to bring about the results you desire. Your thoughts close in on the problems like ravenous wolves.  Determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life.  The only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem to My presence.  Stop all of your striving, and watch to see what I will do. I am the Lord. "

-- Jesus Calling 

by Sarah Young

June 19, 2010 {San Antonio, TX}

Faith and Love,
Casey