Super Woman (ha)

when i first became a SAHM, it wasn't what I had planned for my life.  it wasn't something that appealed to me... chores all day, and the "staying at home" part kinda freaked me out a bit. that's the idea i had made it out to be. (ignorance? yes.)


i know not every family is able to have the wife/mom stay home, but with our circumstances (past and present), there was no other alternative.  this left me experiencing postpartum depression, and with the feelings of "i'll never amount to anything beyond a Cinderella." 

shame on me.
and...
GLORY to Him!

not only did I find my calling as a SAHM, but also as a photographer. (which has taken me a longgg time to finally grasp that hey, i'm pretty darn okay at what i do. and i don't claim to be a mom who just picked up a camera, bc in actuality, the camera picked me up. long and true story, but yes, I am defending my stance! ha! )

jr and i have had many struggles.  much more than we ever bargained for, and much more than we could ever want, but need?  yes.  every struggle we've faced, its been worth the outcome and the FIGHT. i say this because we have been VERY stubborn in our ways and our "means of living". so God was only left to drag us in the dirt time and time again.  lesson learned. some are still in the process.  (i do thank Him for never giving up on us, though.  He knows we're are the stubborn kind)

my hubby is a hardworking machinist, and not to toot a horn, but an extremely talented one at that. i'm always in awe at how fast he has learned the craft, and how fast he has moved up with only a single semester of schooling in his entire career.  i admire his determination, work ethic, and most importantly, his drive to always become better and never settling for "just getting the job done."  he's passionate about what he does, and his talent always shines through; something that's hard in a competitive machining world, especially for a young machinist.

i wanted the exact same thing he had. (no, not the machinist job, bc i'm horrible with numbers)
not so much with my photography, but absolutely more so with not only being a mom, but a SAHM.
 

i want to be THAT mother/wife... the Super Woman who does.it.all.
i want to wake up at 5:30 every morning and crack open my bible while sipping on some tea, with a soft fuzzy draped over my legs, and my pink slippers peeking out.
i want to pray every single morning with my daughter before she even gets out of bed.
i want her to have a bedtime.  an actual bedtime.
i want us to go for morning walks and talk about anything and everything.
i want to be physically healthy, and teach my children the same.
i want to be able to sew even a button. (yes, i'm that horrible)
i want to at least spend 2 hours in the Word every.single.day.
i want to attend church every.single.sunday and actually be able to soak in the sermon, and not sit in the anxiety i have waiting for me the second i leave.
i want to make breakfast every morning for my husband (waking up at 4am right now is just not feasible. ha!)
i want a fresh and healthy dinner always prepared for my family.
i want my children to EAT that fresh and healthy dinner.
i want to see one.single.laundry.pile.at.a.time.
i want my house sparkling. (che'ah right, i know)
i want the yard done and weed free.... with perhaps a sweet little garden of colorful flowers. (i don't even know how to plant a flower)
i want a wreath on my door for every holiday/season. (this is the southern crafty gal in me)
i want to get dressed every.single.day (with at least my hair actually done. i have mane on my head, so this one is prob the most far fetched.)
i want to draw/color/make crafts with my children more often. (and actually have a place to put them)
i want to be a prayer warrior.
i want to be able to sit and enjoy a movie with my family without my to-do list screaming at me.
i want to be able to manage our finances.
take a vacation.
plan the vacation.
i want to be organized.
and geez louise, i can go on....
(ps. half of this stuff is hi-larious to me... like i'm in Better Homes & Gardens magazine or something, but hey, a gal can't dream can't she??)

and above all, i want Proverbs 31. 
i want to be a wife of noble character.
my devotion is to my husband and children, and i want that to shine far brighter than everything.


now, some days are better than others, and most days, I can say I do some of what's on my list above, but i want more.  i have a craving and thirst for more... i know God is calling me to DO more.  it took A LOT to cut back on my work, raise my prices, and leave it in God's hands.  but I know He will provide.  and if its His will for me to book one client a month or every 3 months, then so be it.  i thought my work made me who i am, but i quickly found out, that's a horrible and selfish way of thinking.  what makes me who i am is my God and my family.

lots of changes are taking place in the Ayala household...
many of which have already taken place since the new year, and i'm happy and proud to say i've kept them going and its february.  i'm on a roll, and i don't plan on looking back.  i have a path laid out and lit up, and i continue to pray God keeps that fire lit in my heart (and um, under my tush).

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." 

-- Matthew 6:21

(this verse screams at me! i love it!) 



ps. whenever i get an iphone, my posts will have images to go along with.  i like pictures, and posts without pictures give me a frowny face.

Faith & Love,
Casey

This Little Blue Bird

You see, this home is our first actual house.  This is the first time, we've had to be THIS type of responsible, and it scared me, scared me so much, that it was constantly on my mind... the wondering of how we're going to screw up this blessing, just like we have with many others.

When we first moved into our home back in March, every morning I would try and get on a routine with getting up, and then finally making way into the kitchen for breakfast time.  I usually ate after Aislynn did, and while sitting or cleaning up the kitchen, I would randomly look out the kitchen window, and more often than not, I would see a blue bird fly by.  This happened various times throughout the first couple of weeks.  I noticed it more and more, until finally I began to notice it when I was out at random places, or when I working in my office and was in deep thought.  And soon, a pattern developed... I only noticed it when doubt crossed my mind, never at any other time. 


I began to question why I kept seeing this blue bird, and Matthew 6:26 popped into my head:

We are now in September, and its of course been a while since I have seen a blue bird, but late last night, as I was in bed, thoughts circling in my head... doubt, fear, worthlessness, worry, and so on.  I cried and and I cried.  How did things get so bad?  Why can't we just ever move on, and not look back?  Why had God allowed all of this to go wrong?  Was my efforts not enough?  And then out of no-where, I began quietly humming... I find this relaxes me when I'm super stressed (music is my muse).  All I kept humming was "little blue bird, fly... fly high in the sky."  Now, I'm no song writer, trust me, but I like to think I live my life in and through lyrics, and I knew this routine... God has used music many many times to get through to me, and this time was no different.  

No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get these words out of my head, and in that instant, I knew God was talking to me...  When I finally realized this, I soon, fell asleep.  I haven't had a good night's sleep in 6 days, and last night, I slept, and slept comfortably. 

I know God is readying me for something big; something HUGE, because I have been battling these exact same battles for too long... I know something great is about to happen, I just need to hold on, continue to focus on Him and His Word, and TRUST that He is always in control.  I need to have FAITH, and I need to cling to it... the rest is in God's hands.

Faith, Love, & song,

Casey

A Stop Light to Remember

I've always known about God, but I haven't always known Him.

I grew up around rules and regulations that dealt with God, but somehow the relationship was lost in the mix.  There was so much focus on what needed to be done, and what the next important step was to take your religious faith to a new level.  It seemed that the next flag became more important than the actual finish line and all that was in between faded in the background. My husband and I, coming from the same religious background, we came from the same religious views, and we walked down the same religious path.  We were taught a lot, and we knew a lot, but yet, we hadn't experienced enough. 

I knew there was a God, but I didn't know Him.  I knew He existed, but I didn't experience Him. 

It wasn't until my husband lost his job in 2009, my world turned upside down.  What about my schooling?  What about Aislynn's schooling?  What about our bills?  Our cars?  Our apartment rent?  What about food?  What about everything??  And what about God?  Where was He??  Didn't He care?  Didn't He know what kind of mess we were in?  Didn't He know what kind of hardships we were about to endure?  Where was He and why didn't He care??  How could He let this happen??

Those months were the hardest months of my entire life.  We had no way out, and in my husband's line of work, when its bad its real bad, but when its good, its real good.  He wasn't the only one who shared the bad news with their family that day, but He was the only one to try and figure out how to get out of this mess.  I was going to school full time, and Aislynn was also in school.  We didn't have many choices.  Our only choice at that point was to rely on God; something we never really had to do in all of our lives.

You mean I had to rely on somebody I hardly knew?  Someone who I am told to trust, yet never developed a relationship with?  How's that supposed to happen?


Well it did. At a stop light in Cypress, TX.  On my way home from school.  KSBJ was on, and so were my nerves.  They were in a mass of confusion, sadness, worry, helplessness... you name it.  All I wanted to do was cry, and all I wanted was for things to get better, and for everything to go back to the way they were.  I sat in Houston's 5pm rush hour traffic, and I laid my head back, and closed my eyes for just a second.  God touched my heart that moment, and as tears filled my eyes, peace filled my heart.  There in that very moment, I knew Him.  I experienced Him.  I felt His presence like I never had before.  I cried the rest of the way home, and I knew I was on the path of somewhere else; somewhere I'd never traveled before; somewhere of hope, of love, of peace, of happiness.

{For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -- Matthew 6:32-34}

God took away Jr's job for a reason, and although it was extremely rough, it extremely changed my life, and then shortly changed His.  We still have a long way to go in our faith as individuals and as a one, but we're glad we're important enough for Him to want and have the need to dramatically and radically change our lives.

We're still learning.  We're still healing.  We're still praising!  We're still faithfully believing!  Our God is an AWESOME God, and He never said it would easy.  In fact He said we will go through trials and tribulations in this lifetime.  But He also said, He would never leave us nor forsake us.

{I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. -- John 16:33}

Thank you, Lord, for your unfailing LOVE!  Help us to become true disciples of your Kingdom. Mold us into the vessels needed to do the works of Your Kingdom.  We will follow You all the days of our life!  You are worthy, Lord!




btw. The purpose of this post isn't to offend, and wasn't to say who's faith is "right" and who's faith is "wrong".  Its to say, there is no religion with God.  He isn't impressed by the literal steps we take, but more so by the spiritual steps we take.  Its about that beautiful, awesome, like no other relationship with Him.  Its about knowing Him.  Its about experiencing Him.  However you do this, you're doing it right!  Don't let anybody ever tell you different!  Live and live faithfully and fearfully!

{Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. -- John 14:6}

 




Faith, love, & a Stop Light, 

Casey

D Day.

As many of you know, today was, "D Day" aka surgery day.
And as many of you know, I wasn't exactly thrilled about my once thought "perfect feet".

But today, they are fixed and arthritis isn't something I immediately have to worry about regarding my movers. Such a blessing!!

Praise God! I first want to say thank you all so very very much for your thoughts, prayers, encouragement, and kind words!  I firmly believe that when 2 or more are gathered in His name, miracles happen, and today, they did, and I witnessed it! (well, sorta kinda in the midst of what is known as anesthesia. hehe)

Originally, they were going to have to break my bones and readjust them, but there was no need for taking it that far once they went in and got to work.  I'm not exactly sure what the remedy was as I was drugged and very loopy (was reminded why I don't ever get drunk).  So, because surgery wasn't as intricate and intense, recovery time has been shortened. Again, not sure by how much, because again, loopy loopy Casey took over, but I'll find out when I go for my follow up appointment on Monday, where they're going to re-bandage the damage, and I'll get to take a look at my "new" feet!

Here is what they looked like prior to surgery.  

 

You can see how far to the side of my feet, my bones are, and you can also see how the left foot is considerably far worse than the right. 

I also got rid of that small tumor like bump on the right left foot/heel area.

And as you see below, the left foot is bandaged up quite a bit more than the right foot.

Above Photo:

He's brave.  And you know, so am I.  I'm one that refuses to look away during any type of bodily injection.  I need to see what's coming. If I'm going to die, I need to know.

 Above Photo: 

My trusty right arm and my beastly veins were both not in my favor, today.  Whenever I donate blood or have blood checked, I can typically immediately show the nurse which hand, arm, vein to poke me with. So today, I de-virginized my left hand.

Above Photo:

Long story short.  I forgot I needed to purchase not ONE, but TWO surgical boots.  So, I trotted in the hospital with ONE, and they provided the other, which is also a different style, not to mention a different size.  Yeah, not happy about either, but these are going to be apart of my attire for a while. 

Ew.

 

Above Photo:

These feel soooo good resting on my ankles!

  

Above Photo:

A crime even the fashion po-po's would frown upon.

Also, and I'm sure none of them are reading or even know how to find me, but I just wanted to thank the wonderful nurses and staff at Memorial Hermann! They were the sweetest most kindest nurses I've ever had the pleasure of caring for me.

As far as Dr. Nussbaum, he's THE best podiatrist in Houston! THE BEST! My entire family has been going to him for years, and he actually performed a minor surgery back on both feet way back in high school.  I highly recommend him!  Also, his staff is ah-mazing!  

Anywho, I'll be updating some stuff here and there. Gonna end this blog, now.  Meds are kicking in, and who knows what I'll write and blog about. hehe

 

Surgeon:  Meynard M Nussbaum, DPM

Hospital:  Memorial Hermann Surgery Center

www.HoustonFeet.com  

 

"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." -- Matthew 18:20

Thanks again, everyone!!! I am truly blessed to have such wonderful, thoughtful, and caring people in my life! I love you all, dearlyyyy!

Faith and Love, 

Casey

 

Money! Money! Money! Money!

Monayyyyyyy!

That sweet green paper... or really that sweet piece of plastic.  Funny how it binds us to this filthy earth, and funny how its our sweet escape.  At least, I'm speaking for myself, here.   

Retail therapy... ahh who needs drugs when you can swipe that sucker at the blink of an eye and get the same affects physically, mentally, and financially... okay, and spiritually. It becomes an addiction, and me, well... I've been addicted.  If its not food, its shopping.  And if its not shopping, its food.  And really, I can think of a million different excuses as to why I shop till I drop.

But really, I know what I truly need, and it ain't that new maxi dress at Old Navy  (which btw, I returned).  

Its gotten so bad, that I've prayed and prayed for God to intervene during my shopping trips, and when He did, I ignored it... put those items at the register counter, and swiped that card with a smile on my face.  No sooner, did I find myself in complete tears, knowing exactly what I did, and didn't need to do.  I knew for a fact, God was convicting my heart... and??

We had even attended community group at church which was solely based on finances and tithing.  Yeah, I loveeeee to give!  But do those whom I give, really need it?  Do they need that extra glass miniature sitting on their already dust book shelf? Prob not, but the satisfaction of me buying something, and someone else claiming the prize while leaving my hands clean of dirty sounded pretty darn good.  Not to mention... I really do like to give.  I'm a giver at heart.

It wasn't until one service at church that struck a chord in me.  God whispered to me... "its time."  But this time, there was no ignoring it. It really was time, and He wasn't going to take "no" for an answer, and really, He didn't have to.  He was right... it was time.  My heart was ready.  I won't lie though, the devil attacked and filled my mind with questions like, "what about paying for Aislynn's school?" What about this, and what about that?   

Just as the devil was about to take victory, I looked inside of my purse, and there was my checkbook (something I rarely carry with me).  I quickly took it out, and wrote a check for exactly 10% of our weekly income.  

Up!  Once again, God moved me... in the direction of the pastor.  As I stood before him, tears filled my eyes, and honesty graced my lips.  "This has been really really hard for us... REALLY hard.  We just can't seem to part with 10%, but today was different... Today God touched my heart..."  And there I was, handing the pastor 10%...  a 10% I could have used to buy that maxi dress, some oober cute sandals, and a fashion smashion handbag with fab sunglasses.  

Today, here we are... bills on top of bills... as as new homeowners (without a single clue), extra added bills on top of bills.  Bills exceeding income.  Last weekend, I had planned on not tithing the complete 10%, but instead picking back up in July.  This was dead set in my mind. Dead set. 

Up! There He goes again... He guided my heart, and there I went... 10% gone in an instant, and with no pain or conflict on my end.  He repeatedly nudged me during service that Sunday... the worship songs, the sermon.  

Here we are in April, and to be honest, I don't even recall how many 10% checks we've tithed. But there has yet to be a break in the pattern... its 10% every single week without fail.  Its like that 10% was never even there, and no, not because we make oodles of money to where we don't notice. HA! I wish. lol  But it has never crippled us.  

Although, this week was hard, and I do mean hard financially, He showed up at the last minute... you know, like Superman... He saved the day.  He provided.  Just as He promised He would. 

 

(ps. My church isn't the kind to ask for money every time you turn around... in fact, they never ask for money, and when they do, its rare... very rare.)

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

-- Matthew 6:25 

Faith and Love,
Casey