when i am weak...

many of you know, i've been on this weight loss journey/battle for over a year now.
i've lost weight, gained it back, lost it again, gained it back again and so on.

last year, i lost nearly 50lbs.
my goal this year is to lose 60lbs.

i started off 2013 on fire and the weight dropped quickly.
i called on jesus, and he was my helper and my strength through much of it all,

BUT

deep down, it wasn't so that i could have this big revelation about myself or grow closer to Him.
it was so that i could be physically where i was 7 years ago -- fit and fabulous. ha!

the fabulous has increased, thankfully!
the fit aspect has decreased, and yes, quite severely.

to go from one extreme to the other is a massive blow.

i began reading devotional type books on WHY God has designed us to be healthy beings, but with each page, the conviction on my heart was too much to bear at times, and for a good few weeks (not days), those books were shelved, and though thought about yes, they were ignored.

this year and the late part of last year has been about simplifying my life and my home.
its well underway, and we are beginning to see the fruit bloom beautifully in many areas, and like an avalanche, its falling and pouring into other areas of our lives, and well... its exciting! more awaits, i know!

however, this area...
the food.
the addiction.
the "their stomach is their god"...

this has been THE hardest area of my life to control and trust God with.
i can't seem to walk away from the foods that don't love me back.

a nibble here becomes a plate there, and so on.
and a pound here, because a 5% body fat increase there.

i feel disgusting.
when i eat bad, its not self ridicule that beats me up, but the conviction--
it tears at my heart because i know deep down i was made for more.

to conquer the craving.
the desire.
the want.

with purging our lives, i am exhausted.
cleansing the soul and making way for a bold spirit man is exhausting.
completely exhausting.

the last thing i want to do it focus on my health.

however, my health... my temple...
the holy spirit is residing and there's a battle raging...
between the spirit realm and the spirit realm in me.
Christ is trying to emerge...
clarity and revelation are waiting for me.

in this season, my armor MUST be on all.the.time.
i am going to push through, because i will get my inheritance!

day one of fasting sweets (with the exception of fruit).
my achiles.
my kriptonite.
my "i will fight you for that cupcake".
(no for real.)

i don't say this to brag, but more so for accountability.
i'm going to run with this, and keep running until i am no longer in bondage.

mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, i am already exhausted.
(pretty sure i've said that already)
and we all know in these times, the devil knows which bait to use to reel us in, and with me, those sweets are a killer. however, being reminded that i was born and created to be the killer of those works of the devil...its a fire lit!

"the battle almost always happens when you decided to take territory that was always yours but you never inhabited it." ~ kris vallotton

so here goes!
asking for prayers, please. <3


more on spirit wars. a nice perspective.
xo casey