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is it really already valentine's day?
i guess so, because last night at the grocery store, i saw pastel fluffy bunnies adorning shelves, then locked my eyes on chocolate eggs sweetly cuddled in pastel foil wrapping.
mmmmmmmmmm.
i love the holidays, and i love to gift give as often as i am able.
but this year, jr and i won't be exchanging gifts, and we won't be spending $50-$75+ on dinner.
not gonna lie, we don't have the funds to do so, and if we did, we probably would. i'm not going to sit here and act like i'm better than anyone, more humble, or less materialistic. that may be you and your spouse and that's perfectly fine, but us... nawww... we rather enjoy exchanging gifts-- generally because we have absolutely no say in what we give each other... the surprise is FUN! and we sure do enjoy a nice quiet romantic dinner. this year, however, the funds simply aren't there.
it is what it is.
this month, we're saving up for something far greater than any gift we could ever exchange.
i can't really mention what exactly, but soon...
and all the sacrifice, patience, and faith will have paid off.
eventually. one way or another.
much like it has with our marriage.
in the beginning, it was hard.
real hard. real real real hard.
(did i mention REAL hard? k. just checking.)
throw a baby in the mix, and the mixer just got a lot more complicated (not to mention, a lot more pricey. ha!).
we used fight.
about every.single.little.thing.
we'd throw ugly words at each other, just to spite, and then hop on our high horse and gallop away without a single feeling of sorrow.
i for one, know i was a horrible wife.
one i wouldn't have even married, myself.
i was selfish, rude, inconsiderate, and demanding.
my heart was in it for me, not for him.
jr...
he was lazy, unsympathetic, non-communicative.
he loved his job more than anything, and money was his go-getter.
this amongst many other issues made our lives extremely difficult.
divorce was clearly in our future, and was always seen as the easy way out, because honestly, it is the easy way out. that's what society makes so clear... "i won't change for anyone! this is ME! take it or leave it".
sad. with this attitude, "leave it" is right... "left alone" is more like it.
some people would say i have radical beliefs when it comes to my faith. and hey, that's me. i'd rather take it the hard way, than to travel the easy way. i'm a head on, kinda gal... there is no half way with me. so with marriage, i firmly believe stick it out, work it out, pray it out, unless there is cheating, physical or emotional abuse. unless your spouse is telling you not to love God. nah-uh. mama don't play. otherwise, our God is greater. greater than the petty arguments and fights. greater than the many nights left crying yourself to sleep. He's bigger than it all, and His power... never underestimate it. #truestory
so anywho, who wants to argue with a big headed salvadorian, anyway?
and who wants to bicker with a mexican gringa who thinks she's knows it all? as if!
but no matter what, at the end of the day, we knew deep down, we would simply die without each other. we compliment each other so very well, sometimes, its almost frightening. we fit each other like a glove. every day, i fall more and more in love with him, and every day, i know he is the best gift God has given to me, next to Aislynn. life is ALIVE because i married this man. our relationship may not be like yours, and may not be acceptable to you by your standards, but it works for us, and is working for us. we aren't perfect, but we're the right amount of perfect for each other.
yeah, we still argue and fight, but i promise the anger doesn't settle any longer than 5 minutes, and then we're back to laughing as if nothing happened. and this is only by the grace of God, because boy, can we get on each other's nerves. ha!
i'm happy and thankful for the woman and wife God has molded me into. i know i still have a ways to go, but i'm glad i'm not where i was. the second i learned of needing to love as Christ loves us, everything changed. i looked in the mirror and saw the devil devouring my marriage, my heart, my spirit, and my love... the very same love Christ pours into us. it was scary, and i wanted nothing more than to be the wife jr deserved, and to be the woman i know i deserved... the woman God created me to be.
every day, as annoying as jr is (ha!), i'm so proud of who he has become. i always catch myself asking, "wow. is this really my husband?" he's a beautiful example of what love truly means.
our love is worth fighting for.
not because we say so, but because HE says so.
to God, we give ALL the GLORY!
there is NOTHING impossible for Him.
He's the Healer of all healers.
He healed our marriage.
He melted our hearts and out poured love only He can supply.
i can't imagine my life without my best friend.
i love you, jr.
(images: Clayton Austin.Love.Stories.)
"i have found the one, whom my soul loves."
song of solomon 3:4
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a whole lotta FAITH & a whole lotta LOVE,
Casey
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