Time.

{this post isn't to get the sympathy card.  i'm a very open person, and don't mind sharing my struggles with others.  i know i'm not alone in a lot of what i face day in and day out, and if someone reads this and i've helped even just a tiny bit, that makes me a happy camper.  i am not perfect, and don't and won't ever claim to be.  but, i have a testimony, one that is being written every single second of every single day, and its my job as a Christian to get my testimony out there (maybe not as boldly as i do, but that is my own personal choice)... to share the Good News and the ways of which God has blessed me so; blessings of hardship AND happiness.}


some people have more.  some have less.
either way, we all spend it differently.  whether willingly or not.

its life.

we all have a different life.
different circumstances.
different priorities.

personally speaking, i have very limited time.
even for myself.
my God has been pushed aside, and my thoughts have been swallowed up with an everyday "to-do" list that never says its goodbye.

its frustrating.
aggravating.
and more than anything, its draining.
this i am working on. 

i would ask, "why can't there be more hours in the day?", but in reality, THANK YOU, JESUS, because I would be flat worn out with a head full of grays.


life has just been... well, busy. and busy being an understatement.
our days, months, and weekends are already planned out before they even arrive, and that in itself is exhausting. the schedule we have now, literally leaves us with zero time to get involved with anything earlier than 8pm. with jr working 70+ hrs a week to make ends meet, its hard.
real hard.  so hard, that when i think about it hard enough, i'll cry... at least that was until last month.
no more pity party. yeah, Jesus take the wheel, but you know what, i'm also in that car, and as a Christian, its also my job to help make things happen.


after much prayer and discussion with God, i now know a simpler life is what He has planned for our little family.  the materials we once were infatuated with have become the materials we could care less about.  after his 70+ hr weeks, sunday is the ONLY day of the week we have to spend time together, spend time as a family, get done what we need done, and then get ready to do it all over, again. i dread mondays, but i also am reminded that we are one step closer to the freedom Jesus died on the cross for; the freedom He has meant for our lives, the freedom from the everyday unnecessary strongholds that is hindering our very future.

the more we come to grips with God's plan for us, the more LIFE we have seen and experienced in this house. we are no longer in bondage to what we thought was important, but instead, we stand firm and boldly approach what we KNOW is good bearing fruit.


these past few weekends, we have cleaned and organized our entire.house. every single room is well on its way to a sane environment.  one of peace and prosperity.  prosperity in our home, in our relationship with one another, and in our relationship with God.  time is being made, more than anything, to spend with Him.  to have the peaceful environment needed for a growing relationship with our Creator.  that is our number one priority. so far, so good.  we've got a little ways to go, but we're on the right track, and just last night, i was able to sit in bed and read for a good twenty minutes in peace and quiet. so thankful for even that little bit of time. the past few weeks have been a bit busy with business, but now, everything is set, and more time is already being spent on other productive aspects of my day.

disclaimer: please, understand, we are in no way ignoring anyone.  time is hardly ever left in the day for us, and when there is, it is generally spent in quiet (or with Jr, spent catching up on zzz's).  this is the only time my brain will allow me to get inspired, to write, or just to stop and be.  our day begins early and ends the second we hit the pillow, which is never earlier than 11pm. our weekends are always busy with places to go and things to do. please understand if we decline your invitation, can't chit chat on the phone any longer than 10min., and keep text message conversation short and sweet.  its a sad thing when every little thing has to be jotted down on a calendar in order to be fully enjoyed and appreciated, and we are trying our very hardest to make time for those we love.  right now, our daily living is somewhat of a strict schedule, and only with this strict schedule, we are able to get more accomplished (aside from my preggo symptoms kicking in).  until we can get into a routine, and figure out what works and what doesn't, we're pretty much swamped, and "swamped" isn't a friendly adjective we'd like to describe our little family when Cupcake finally makes her debut.

{ i know some will say, "oh, but you stay home."  that is an entirely different post, btw.  in other words, yes I do.  i stay home; a home of which i run the 70+ hours my husband is at work.  a home of which i, alone, work countless hours on a business i am determined to make something of.  i work every single second from the moment i wake up until the moment my brain finally shuts off, and my eyes shut closed.   -- just to give an example, when you're getting off work at 4:30pm-5:30pm, the 2nd half of my day is just beginning, much like yours is, i'm sure.  on a good day, jr is home by 6:15-6:20pm.  then, my goal is to have showers done, dinner made, house cleaned, animals fed, walked, and work done before he walks in the door; all amongst a list of other things.  and as crazy as it may sound, i've heard the same from other wives of busy working hubbys...  but, its comparable to a single mother living, and i don't personally know exactly what it is like to be a single mother, but on most days, I get a rather large taste of it.  yeah, we have hubby's, but they spend much much more time at work than at home.  and when they're home, they shower, eat, and then head to bed.  not by choice, either.  though, even this little bit of time, I am grateful for.   i don't expect everyone to understand, and that's perfectly fine, but please, enough bashing SAHM's.  we work, too.  just as long and just as hard as a mother who physically leaves their house and goes to work.  as a mother period, our jobs are never ending, but they're more rewarding than we could every fathom.}


this post is all kinds of jumbled up thanks to the lack of sleep on my part, which also makes it harder each day to get done what needs to be done, but i'm preggo, and preggo is doing its thang. i'd much rather take a nap than wash loads of laundry or the dishes in the sink, or sweep and mop the dog's hair up.  but in our house, as crazy as it is, when one thing doesn't get done, it just piles itself higher and higher, and there i am calling jr, bawling my eyes out, when that only leads to him being stressed out because i'm stressed out.  he works and he works hard, but when is hard, hard enough?  and when does work become slaving for things of unimportance; ones of which aren't glorifying to God? i think we have finally hit that marker, but thankfully, we have a loving God... One who woke us up, turned the lights on, and lit up a path for us to follow.

i understand this post could wire off into different categories or different debates, but after some serious discernment, interceding prayer from friends and family, i/we speak for our own personal family.  God has designed a special place and calling for each family and each member in the family, but this... this one, I feel is ours, and until He leads us otherwise, this is the path we will follow.  we're ready to be molded into working disciples.  He has opened our eyes, and with the talents jr and i have come to learn that we possess, we feel this is absolutely the right way of heading. we both have struggled long and hard enough, and for the most part, very little is shown as pleasing to God.  that hurts my heart more than anything, but we are done with trying to "make it" on our own, and we are done trying to keep God only on the sidelines of this family.  He has great and wonderful things planned out for us, so no more struggle when the struggle is for worldly possessions.  From here on out, I pray our struggle and fight is solely for the Throne!

I'm glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you're again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don't mean that your help didn't mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles. 

-- Philippians 4:12-13 (the message) 

Faith & Love, 

Casey