Taking time.

**WARNING** Long Post.  I got thought happy! ;D



These last couple of days, God has put a lot on my heart.  A lot of what I was before questioning, and even more so afraid of attempting or even thinking about.

First off, did I mention how I found out about the need for surgery?  Well, I'm too lazy to rewind blog posts, so I'll just explain to the equally lazy and of course to the new readers (thank you and welcome, btw) as well.

I'll do it quickly... {bullet points rock my socks!}

* Hubby bought me an elliptical for Mother's day/Christmas/Birthday/V-day  {true story}
* I hated the thing at first, but slowly, I began to fall in love.  {no, really...true story}
* I soon reached beast mode, and knocked out 1000+ calories in a single workout.
* HOWEVER
* Around the 10-13min mark, I would feel numbness in my feet causing me to have to stop and/or slow down during workouts which I hated, because sometimes, I'd knock myself in the head thanks to the freely flowing handle bars or I'd have to re-pick up on some awesome momentum.
* I'd have to tap my feet vigorously and super fasttttt (in order to avoid the machine turning off and losing my data) on the side steps {which sounds easier than it looks}
* It bugged the heck out of me!!
* Asked friends what they thought, and some said it was the shoes I wore
* I have 5 diff pair of workout shoes
* All failed
* I then tried working out bare foot
* Fail
* Decided it was doctor time
*Went in with one problem, and came out with TWO and a HALF
* Surgery on both feet!!!



Now, I don't believe in coincidence, I believe in God's planning and His timing. Both of which are perfect, and both which have perfectly placed themselves in my life, and in not only the now, but the right now.

Per usual, there's a lot going on in the Ayala casita, but these days, I see it as a new season of faith.  A new season to grow in faith, and a new season to walk in faith.  As Christians, I think we all go through seasons of faith, and these seasons are like workouts for our muscles... we need to exercise our faith in order for it to grow stronger.  I'm thankful for the what Lord puts in front of me; the good, the bad, and the ugly.  He knows what He's doing; He is my daddy after all.

Lately, my heart has been heavy, and not a long drawn out 60lb anchor weight heavy, but more so a heaviness of peace, focus, and yes you guessed it, faith.   There's a lot I want to do, and know I need to do in order to grow as a Christian mother and wife, yet there's something that has been holding me back... something I'm not quite aware of, and to be honest, I'm not even sure if it really matters WHAT that something is, because that's not even the point.  The point is, I'm not leaning on God enough to jump over that something. 

I figure the only way to do this is to refocus, relive, and revive!

I downloaded Jesus Culture's newest CD on itunes a couple of months ago, and I kid you not, I listen to this CD like they're the only band alive.  And I've listened to this song numerous times, and can belt every word without looking at the lyrics, but it wasn't until on Friday, I listened to it again, and the words jumped out, grabbed on to my beating heart, pierced it, and then pierced my faith.

"Draw me to You... set my heart on fire."

"I give You my whole heart... all my devotion."

"I want to know You."

and my favorite.... "Let your Spirit overwhelm me. Let your Presence overtake me."

That's how I want to live.  That's how I want to lead.  And that's how I want to love.

This blogging thing really has me going! I used to blog quite often back in the day of Myspace, but time passed, and I grew older, and my brain grew smaller or at least it feels that way.  Time to sit, time to think, time to be... yeah, far and in between.  But why?? 

So, for the next however long... maybe a month or so... possibly longer, I will no longer be using Facebook, except to update my DreamTree Fanpage.   It may sound silly.  I used to think it was for people who took the same hiatus, but I feel its necessary to grow.  Its not what's holding me back, at least not that I believe, however, its something that occupies my time.  With this time I spend on FB, I can think of a million different things I could and should be doing.  Facebook is so easily accessible on mobile phones these days, it just becomes second nature to want to share with the world what's goin' down in aisle 5 at Walmart.  And you know, I enjoy my sarcasm, and I enjoy sharing it will all 500+ facebook friends, however, I feel I need to share more with my family, more with myself, and more with my God.

Just last night, I prayed like I never have before for my business.  Pray that, no, I won't be rich and famous, but pray that God's will be done, and that I glorify Him in all that do, and all that I shoot.  Having your own business is draining.  Draining.  Especially for one who has taken zero marketing and business classes.  One, who is horrible with money math.  And one, who is in the same business 10 billion other mothers are in.  I sat up last night until 5am contemplating my next business strategy.  One that would cost me... literally.  I know my work is worth what I charge, and I've been told numerous times, tsk tsk I under charge.  But, I felt like my one-year-of-photography-running-business-pride stepped in the way.  Nobody ever reached success overnight.  And really, what is the definition of success?  I need to go back to the drawing board, and redefine my business and its name.  And you know what?  I'm happy about that!  I'm happy to get started... again.  I'm happy to keep moving.  I'm thankful.  Thankful, I'm not out of business, and thankful I have some very supportive and loving clients.  Thankful the Lord instills creativity and vision in me, and not when I ask, but when I need; when He knows I need.

Tonight, I sit awake, and really, should have been in bed 3 hours ago.  I head to my fave creative website, Pinterest, and my lovely friend in faith, who is also a photographer, posts ONE pin, and my brain goes mad crazy.  Suddenly, I'm yapping my thoughts and ideas off to my husband who is looking at me like, "Can I please go to sleep, now?"  I yap his ear off so much, we completely missed out on prayer, tonight. Dear Lord, forgive me.  But oh man, THANK YOU!!  I jolted out of bed (with my broken feet), and grabbed my inspiration journal, and quickly (in the dark) jotted down the constant flow of creative goodness rapidly swimming in this brain of mine.  And there.  Sweet relief.  For those that follow my photo blog, I'll be having some casting calls, soon.  These ideas MUST BE seen through ASAP!  I will not wait.  Nope. Will not.

 

My Facebook page will still be intact, because I can't seem to deactivate it without losing all sorts of pages, link ups, and other drama, unless, of course, I figure out another way, which I'm working on. I will now be using attempting Twitter (which I barely know how to function), and I will try real real hard to blog more, which I see more happening than Twitter.  Inspiration for that came today, as well.



If you need me, you know where to find me, and if you love me, you'll understand, and even if you don't, please try, and please know I'm not ignoring you but rather taking some steps of faith that require a bit more focus on my end.

Faith and Love,
Casey