I scream. You scream. We all scream.

For not just ice cream, but Menchie's.

mmmmm... i was SO craving ice cream, yesterday.
like if i didn't get it, i would subconsciously inflict bodily harm on someone. (hehe)

luckily, that someone was saved from the torture and pain, because jr took aislynn and i out for a small cup.

it was perfect.
we sat, stuffed our face with wayy too much sugar (there's no such thing, btw), and chatted about the future.

...our very near future.
what god has planned for our little family in the next upcoming weeks.

and ice cream just made it that much sweeter.
<3

 

Faith & Love,
Casey

Time.

{this post isn't to get the sympathy card.  i'm a very open person, and don't mind sharing my struggles with others.  i know i'm not alone in a lot of what i face day in and day out, and if someone reads this and i've helped even just a tiny bit, that makes me a happy camper.  i am not perfect, and don't and won't ever claim to be.  but, i have a testimony, one that is being written every single second of every single day, and its my job as a Christian to get my testimony out there (maybe not as boldly as i do, but that is my own personal choice)... to share the Good News and the ways of which God has blessed me so; blessings of hardship AND happiness.}


some people have more.  some have less.
either way, we all spend it differently.  whether willingly or not.

its life.

we all have a different life.
different circumstances.
different priorities.

personally speaking, i have very limited time.
even for myself.
my God has been pushed aside, and my thoughts have been swallowed up with an everyday "to-do" list that never says its goodbye.

its frustrating.
aggravating.
and more than anything, its draining.
this i am working on. 

i would ask, "why can't there be more hours in the day?", but in reality, THANK YOU, JESUS, because I would be flat worn out with a head full of grays.


life has just been... well, busy. and busy being an understatement.
our days, months, and weekends are already planned out before they even arrive, and that in itself is exhausting. the schedule we have now, literally leaves us with zero time to get involved with anything earlier than 8pm. with jr working 70+ hrs a week to make ends meet, its hard.
real hard.  so hard, that when i think about it hard enough, i'll cry... at least that was until last month.
no more pity party. yeah, Jesus take the wheel, but you know what, i'm also in that car, and as a Christian, its also my job to help make things happen.


after much prayer and discussion with God, i now know a simpler life is what He has planned for our little family.  the materials we once were infatuated with have become the materials we could care less about.  after his 70+ hr weeks, sunday is the ONLY day of the week we have to spend time together, spend time as a family, get done what we need done, and then get ready to do it all over, again. i dread mondays, but i also am reminded that we are one step closer to the freedom Jesus died on the cross for; the freedom He has meant for our lives, the freedom from the everyday unnecessary strongholds that is hindering our very future.

the more we come to grips with God's plan for us, the more LIFE we have seen and experienced in this house. we are no longer in bondage to what we thought was important, but instead, we stand firm and boldly approach what we KNOW is good bearing fruit.


these past few weekends, we have cleaned and organized our entire.house. every single room is well on its way to a sane environment.  one of peace and prosperity.  prosperity in our home, in our relationship with one another, and in our relationship with God.  time is being made, more than anything, to spend with Him.  to have the peaceful environment needed for a growing relationship with our Creator.  that is our number one priority. so far, so good.  we've got a little ways to go, but we're on the right track, and just last night, i was able to sit in bed and read for a good twenty minutes in peace and quiet. so thankful for even that little bit of time. the past few weeks have been a bit busy with business, but now, everything is set, and more time is already being spent on other productive aspects of my day.

disclaimer: please, understand, we are in no way ignoring anyone.  time is hardly ever left in the day for us, and when there is, it is generally spent in quiet (or with Jr, spent catching up on zzz's).  this is the only time my brain will allow me to get inspired, to write, or just to stop and be.  our day begins early and ends the second we hit the pillow, which is never earlier than 11pm. our weekends are always busy with places to go and things to do. please understand if we decline your invitation, can't chit chat on the phone any longer than 10min., and keep text message conversation short and sweet.  its a sad thing when every little thing has to be jotted down on a calendar in order to be fully enjoyed and appreciated, and we are trying our very hardest to make time for those we love.  right now, our daily living is somewhat of a strict schedule, and only with this strict schedule, we are able to get more accomplished (aside from my preggo symptoms kicking in).  until we can get into a routine, and figure out what works and what doesn't, we're pretty much swamped, and "swamped" isn't a friendly adjective we'd like to describe our little family when Cupcake finally makes her debut.

{ i know some will say, "oh, but you stay home."  that is an entirely different post, btw.  in other words, yes I do.  i stay home; a home of which i run the 70+ hours my husband is at work.  a home of which i, alone, work countless hours on a business i am determined to make something of.  i work every single second from the moment i wake up until the moment my brain finally shuts off, and my eyes shut closed.   -- just to give an example, when you're getting off work at 4:30pm-5:30pm, the 2nd half of my day is just beginning, much like yours is, i'm sure.  on a good day, jr is home by 6:15-6:20pm.  then, my goal is to have showers done, dinner made, house cleaned, animals fed, walked, and work done before he walks in the door; all amongst a list of other things.  and as crazy as it may sound, i've heard the same from other wives of busy working hubbys...  but, its comparable to a single mother living, and i don't personally know exactly what it is like to be a single mother, but on most days, I get a rather large taste of it.  yeah, we have hubby's, but they spend much much more time at work than at home.  and when they're home, they shower, eat, and then head to bed.  not by choice, either.  though, even this little bit of time, I am grateful for.   i don't expect everyone to understand, and that's perfectly fine, but please, enough bashing SAHM's.  we work, too.  just as long and just as hard as a mother who physically leaves their house and goes to work.  as a mother period, our jobs are never ending, but they're more rewarding than we could every fathom.}


this post is all kinds of jumbled up thanks to the lack of sleep on my part, which also makes it harder each day to get done what needs to be done, but i'm preggo, and preggo is doing its thang. i'd much rather take a nap than wash loads of laundry or the dishes in the sink, or sweep and mop the dog's hair up.  but in our house, as crazy as it is, when one thing doesn't get done, it just piles itself higher and higher, and there i am calling jr, bawling my eyes out, when that only leads to him being stressed out because i'm stressed out.  he works and he works hard, but when is hard, hard enough?  and when does work become slaving for things of unimportance; ones of which aren't glorifying to God? i think we have finally hit that marker, but thankfully, we have a loving God... One who woke us up, turned the lights on, and lit up a path for us to follow.

i understand this post could wire off into different categories or different debates, but after some serious discernment, interceding prayer from friends and family, i/we speak for our own personal family.  God has designed a special place and calling for each family and each member in the family, but this... this one, I feel is ours, and until He leads us otherwise, this is the path we will follow.  we're ready to be molded into working disciples.  He has opened our eyes, and with the talents jr and i have come to learn that we possess, we feel this is absolutely the right way of heading. we both have struggled long and hard enough, and for the most part, very little is shown as pleasing to God.  that hurts my heart more than anything, but we are done with trying to "make it" on our own, and we are done trying to keep God only on the sidelines of this family.  He has great and wonderful things planned out for us, so no more struggle when the struggle is for worldly possessions.  From here on out, I pray our struggle and fight is solely for the Throne!

I'm glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you're again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don't mean that your help didn't mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles. 

-- Philippians 4:12-13 (the message) 

Faith & Love, 

Casey

16+ Weeks & a Gender

Lately, I've either been nesting or I've had enough of this nest that is a MESS.  Either way, I feel mucho productive and want to pat myself on the back whenever I get the chance! ha!

I've taken some much needed time off from work to refocus on pretty much everything, and I must say these past couple of week have been better than I thought it would be.  I have more energy, and besides the constant headaches and feeling puffy, I feel GREAT!

I honestly don't feel pregnant much at all. ::knocks on wood::  According to my personal scale, I haven't gained a single pound, and I'm still not sure whether to worry or not.  Its getting to the point where Jr is desperate to shove food down my throat, which before I was preggo, I wouldn't have minded at.all.  I've come to the conclusion that either its this pregnancy, or God diluting my appetite, or perhaps both.  Not sure, but this go-round, I'm extremely happy I haven't gained weight.  I only plan to gain about 15lbs total, and I guess if baby is bigger, then maybeeeee 18lbs.  And of course, I plan on losing it immediately after Cupcake is born.  I just pray, I don't say hello to postpartum depression, and eat everything in sight.  

Lord, help me.

As many of you know, tomorrow is a HUGE HUGE day.

::crossing fingers::

::knocks on wood::

Gender Ultrasound! 

Boy or Girl?
Nino or Nina?

Only God knows at this point, but tomorrow, God willing, we'll all know!

Baby Names as of today:
{I'm a woman, and change my mind. duh! but I have a feeling these are pretty set in stone.}

girl: Anabella Rose Ayala 

{"Bella" for short}

boy: Adrian Bryce Ayala

btw. 

Tomorrow, "Cupcake" will either reign, or we'll have to come up with a more manly name. ha!

suggestions are welcome. <3

Here are some of the nursery ideas, I've come across thus far.

girl:

{colors and theme}

boy:

{colors and possible theme}

For the boy's room, I will tell you how absolutely terrified I am.  I mean, I guess, in general, I'm terrified of having a boy.  I have 4 sisters, and huge load of female family members, and well, I have a girl of my own.  Boys terrify me with their violent manners and dirty clothes. ha! {i know all are not like this} I'm being total honest, here.  Jr, alone, scares me with his own tales from the sand box ages.  On the other hand, boys are mama's boys, and although Aislynn can stick up for herself, who doesn't want a brother to do it for her?  Plus, a man of God... so powerful!  And I know Jr will absolutely die and be completely over the moon and overjoyed with the extra testosterone up in here! ha! 

ps.  he has a strong feeling its a boy.  I, on the other hand, haven't a single clue. 

is that sad? =P

So back to the decorating.  I'm ready to start! 

Like 4 months ago!  And hopefully, I can, I mean, WILL, document the process! I've been such a slacker, and I would say, "lately", but in truth, I've been slacking since I began blogging.  errr.  so, yeah. Don't hold your breath, faithful readers.

Anywho, I have a couple more weeks before I am officially HALF WAY through my pregnancy! Weehoo! And yes, I already know I have a longgggg way to go.  I've already been pregnant in the past to live and testify to this (lol), but really, at this point, I'm enjoying it, and I'm glad God gave us 9 months to get ready, because I/we are in no rush for Cupcake to arrive.  Excited? yes! In a rush? Nope. (Aislynn is a different story) We have SO much to do before then, and we want to be as prepared as we possibly can, that way when Cupcake does finally arrive, we can fully enjoy him/her, and not have to worry about the stuff that doesn't need to be worried about. 

Tomorrow: D-Day!

3:20pm cst.

Oh, and one more thing! Cupcake, pleaseeeee cooperate for the family who loves you ohhhh sooo dearly!  I can't have my child taking "bad" pictures... What will that say about me, and my profession? Eh? Eh?   

EEEEK!! Can't wait!

 

How far along? 16+ weeks
Maternity clothes? Not really... Continuing to wear my regular clothes, which consists of leggings and a cute top.

Stretch marks? Not yet. ::knocks on wood::

Sleep: I'm not AS tired, but I'll take up a nap if its offered.

Best moment this week: Well tomorrow, duh. ha

Miss Anything? An appetite. Still.

Movement: I THINK I felt Cupcake move, but I dunno... Gas these days is horrific. =(

Food cravings: Homemade Cake!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Lots
Have you started to show yet:  Yep

Gender: Tomorrow!!
Labor Signs: Nope.  Thank the Lord!
Belly Button in or out? In, and it better stay that way. =P
Wedding rings on or off? On... for now.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Blessed! Happy! Productive!

Looking forward to:  Feeling the baby move, anddddd TOMORROW! ha!

Size of Baby:  Avocado, but Cupcake is 7 days bigger than average, so who knows. lol

ps. I'll try and get a recent pic up, tomorrow! <3

I'm wearing blue & pink to celebrate the day!

btw. the pink is a hot pink cardigan.  

(yes, you read right!)

For other Preggersville goodness, check out my Pinterest board:

http://pinterest.com/hoorayitscasey/preggersville/

Faith, Love, and Gender!

Casey

 

Week 5 and a Sesame Seed.

Geez. 

This week has been something else.

Preggo.
Sick.
And Preggo.

It hasn't been the start of the pregnancy that I envisioned, but it is what it is, and I am just grateful I am able to stay home to rest and recover.  However, it hasn't been as easy as it sounds.  I'm used to getting up early and getting my day started, and keeping it going with everything under the sun to-do.  I'm used to having dinner cooked and ready for my husband when he gets home.

This past week has been a much different story.

The tv has been on longer this week than it has the entire YEAR.
My bed hasn't been made; not once.
The clothes are piling up along with the dishes.
I haven't gotten dressed and left the house, besides sitting on the door step watching my dogs prance outside in our backyard, enjoying the much needed cooler weather. 
I can't enjoy food. 
I can't kiss my hubby or Miss A.
My dogs feel neglected.
My nose is chapped.
My throat is sore.
I've had to cancel my photo sessions, and meet-ups with good friends. =/

ahi.

I'm sooo ready to feel BETTER!  I'm beginning to feel LAZY, and GUILTY for all that I haven't done this week, and for all that I am now, behind on.  With Jr working much over time this week, its just been me and Aislynn, and she has been THE sweetest helper.  Blessed!

2 nights ago, she also lost her VERY first tooth!  Stay tuned for that post, tomorrow! =D

Today, I am 5 weeks and 6 days!

How far along? 5 weeks and 6 days.
Maternity clothes? No.

Stretch marks? Besides the ones I already have from the 1st go round, nope, nothing... YET.

Sleep: Huh?? What's that??

Best moment this week: Aislynn losing her very first tooth!

Miss Anything? An appetite.

Movement: None yet.

Food cravings: Not this week.

Anything making you queasy or sick: The taste of phlegm with this cold.
Have you started to show yet:  Does being bloated count??

Gender: ? Jr and his co-workers think we're having twins! ha!
Labor Signs: Um no. ha
Belly Button in or out? In, and it better stay that way. =P
Wedding rings on or off? On... for now.
Happy or Moody most of the time:  Happy, other than being sick and feeling boo boo.

Looking forward to:  My first ultrasound this month on the 21st! WEEHOO!

Size of Baby:  Sesame Seed

Faith, Love, and Cupcake! 

Casey

Shamu & The Fam!

This week was JAM packed with pure goodness!! Wednesday, we found out we're expecting. Thursday, we saw Chris Tomlin in concert  (that's an entirely different post).  And Friday, we headed to San Antonio for the weekend! 

We left kinda late, thanks to me, and this not so lovely tiredness. BLAH! I just feel so lethargic, and prenatal's aren't exactly helping.  I'm not used to do nothing, and to "resting".  I need to be active and taking care of business. SO, basically nothing was packed until about 20 minutes before we headed out the door.... which was the beginning of our Griswald trip.  Of course, it wouldn't be a trip without some Griswald drama! ha!

On the way there, we could have made a list of stuff we had forgotten, it was horrible.  Soooo, as usual, we made a trip to Wal-Mart as soon as we checked into our hotel. 

Now, now... I love Houston, but I don't LOVE Houston.  The traffic and the heat; 'nough said.  But San Antonio... wow.  Major major change of pace.  As some of you know, half of my family lives in NC, and its like night and day between here in Houston and there in Dunn, NC.  However, I LOVE it, and I'm used to it.  I expect it when I go to visit... I expect to not be in a rush, and to well... stop and smell the roses.  But on our trip to San Antonio + my new raging hormones, it wasn't pleasant, and it was rather annoying, really.  I couldn't believe we sat in the drive-thru line at McDonald's for 20 mins for a mere 3 Happy Meals.  And the traffic lights... oh geez.  So yes, moral of the story.... We are spoiled Houstonians. ha!

Except we don't have Sea World, or really, anything close to Sea World.  Yeah, our Zoo rocks, but I love marine life, and I literally could sit in an aquarium the entire day in amazement. Call me a dork, but its true.


So, we got to Sea World, and it was a GORGEOUS day!!  BEAUTIFUL! The sun was shinning, and the wind blowing!  Shamu was happy, and so was Miss A! 

ps. I will say, the last time we went was about 3 years ago... Yeah, we've gotten older since then, because we were BEAT when we left.  Plus, strolling around a 50+ child up and down mini slopes wasn't exactly a "walk in the park". hehe

At the hotel. 

The Shamu you see in the bottom left hand corner isn't real (lol), its the elevator doors.

 

 Arriving at Sea World!

 When we rented this stroller, I immediately thought "recession" and that thing had gotten smaller, but then I remembered "yes, recession, but yes, Aislynn DOES indeed GROW." ha

 The Ayala's. <3

Trick or Treating! 

Miss A got extra goodies bc it was her birthday weekend!

 Sea World and Halloween!! 

I wonder what's its like for Christmas!

Shamu show: "One Ocean"

Disclaimer: These were all taken with my point and shoot.  If they look "unprofessional", its because the "professional" took a weekend off.  hehe

Faith, Love, and Shamu!

Casey

And then there were four.

1+1+1+1= 4.

duh. right?

But what about 1+1 1/2??  Ohh yeahhh... I'm speaking in "First Response" terms!  Silly me!  Well, I had to do some math in my head after reading this sucker!  Yep!  We're POSITIVE!

I mean, PREGNANT! 

I've got a sweet little cupcake in my oven!  He/she is set to make his/her lovely debut to the world on July 8, 2012; yes you read right! Another holiday baby! ::crossing fingers::

We.are.ecstatic. 

And this time, it was actually planned.
I told my hubby, "Wow. I feel like such an adult... We're trying to get pregnant on PURPOSE!"  It was THE weirdest thing to wrap my head around.  And still, I'm seriously trying to grasp it all.

You see, when I first got preggers with Miss A, I was a sweet 20 year old with nothing important on my mind, and my priorities weren't even IN the ballpark, but these days... Well, God knows my heart, and thankfully, I know Him, and now, have a beautiful relationship with Him; something that I didn't have then, that is now, going to make a world of difference.

This time around things are going to be well... different.  For one, Jr and I actually KNOW each other! HA! Yeah, go figure, right?  For those that know our story, you know I got pregnant as soon as we started dating. YEP, the magic happened that fast, folks!  The carriage in front of the horse, if you will! ha!

But this go 'round, we are SO much more confident, and not because we think we know it all, but because we now realize we have a God that loves us unconditionally; one that we prayed to bless this blessing; for His will to be done in our lives, and here it is.  Our prayers answered way sooner than we imagined. I can't put our feelings into words... we are just so incredibly thankful and so very humbled!


I know its early, and most do not recommend sharing the good news until about 6+ weeks, but like my good friend said, "No worries... only love, faith, and happiness! You're blessed!" I couldn't agree more!






Faith, Love, and Cupcake,
Casey

1, 2, 3, 4, tell me that you love me more!

I do!  I really do!!  Just when you think you can't love your child enough, they turn another year older!  I can't believe 5 years ago today, God brought my beautiful baby girl (ahem diva) into the world!  At first it was umm scary, and no, not because it was Halloween, but it was real life scurrry.  At just 20 years old, I was a newbie at just about everything, but quickly, I began to love this little being more than anything my heart could ever imagine!


Then (October 2006):

 The very first picture we took, together.  

And yes, with a camera phone! ha

 2 days old.

She had me at "hello." <3

@ the Hospital (Women's Hospital of Texas):

 Someone is anxious.

 Chunky cheeks. 

 Right after daddy changed her diaper for the first time. 

 Girlfriend was so long, her newborn $20 Jordan booties didn't fit her! 

 She still looks the same when she sleeps... Much wilder of course (ha), but still such peace.

 Twinkies.

 Daddy's Princess.

<3

Today (October 2011):

@ 5 years old:

* Height- 42 inches tall.

* Weight- 52lbs.

* Clothing Size: 7/8.

* Shoe Size: 13.

* Favorite Cartoon Character: Barbie.

* Favorite Movie: Tangled and The Little Mermaid.

* Favorite Activity: Singing, coloring, and puzzles.

* Current Fact: She has a couple of loose teeth! EEEK!

Favorite Food: Mac & Cheese.

Favorite Word: "Fabulous".

Halloween Costume 2011: US Marine.

My dearest sweet Aislynn Love, I love you more than I can ever say, because words just cannot express!  You are my heart, my sunshine, my rainbow!  You are my first sweet love!  You are my treasure from heaven, and my little angel from the Lord!  Mommy will love you forever and ever!  

~ Mommy

Happy Birthday to my sweet Aislynn Love!

&

Happy Halloween to you all!

ps. Stay tuned for Pt. II of this blog post, later on, today. =]


Faith, Love, and Halloween Baby,
Casey

The Rush Kicks In

So thinking back on my latest blog post about rushing life.
It just made me think.

Why am I in a rush?

I guess with the world being the way it is these days, you feel like any minute now, Jesus, is going to come down in all His glory, and BAM, the Rapture happens.  In reality, Jesus really isn't concerned with my having a second child, or me getting to a point in my business where I can breath a sigh of relief, and he really isn't concerned with my losing the exact amount of weight I want to lose.  When He's ready, He's gon' come.  Whether you, me, we, like it or not. Whether we're ready or not.

As we grow older, life really does fly by.  I remember thinking it was the most odd thing that adults forgot how old they were.  Like, seriously?  But now, I found myself doing math on my fingers just to remember how old I really am.  And then even after, I still question myself.  (math wasn't my strongest subject)

I guess I'm just ready to continue on... ready to be, to love, to grow.  I'm just ready... ready for it all!

But then I think...

I don't exactly have a one way ticket to NeverLand, and neither does my family.  My husband is a little less than 3 years older than me, and my daughter is what seems like 14 already.

There's eventually going to come a time when we will have a full set of gray hair, when my daughter waves us off for college, and when my husband picks out my hot pink electric wheelchair.  There's also going to be a time, when I will forget my age, and then not remember how to count to 10.  And there will come a time when I get to put in fake teeth every morning before watching whatever new soap opera is out or game show.  There will come a time when those pretty lacy panties will be replaced with Depends.  (oh, Dear Lord.)  There will come a time when my daughter will say she hates me and wants to run far far away.  And then a time when she gets married and has her own children.


Geez.

I'm killing myself, here.

Okay.  There will be a time...

A time for everything.

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

 ¹ There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace. 

But for this very moment, the time is now.  

The time is here.  

To be embraced, enjoyed, and well... just had.

{Christmas Morning 2010.  Dead tired?  But that's how us parentals role, right??}

{Aislynn and I this past weekend at her very 1st gymnastics class. ::single tear::}

Faith, Love, and The Rapture,

Casey

Change is good.

In my teen years, I never went out much.  I never went to house parties or to clubs.  Heck, I never even had my first alcoholic drink until I turned the big 2-1.  (didn't miss out much on that. I'd honestly rather have a Dr. Pepper)  I didn't go out much on dates or have friends over and vice versa.  I was more of a home-body.  I enjoyed my alone time, in my room, writing or listening to music.  Occasionally, I'd do some Tae-Bo here and there, and from time to time I'd watch a little tv.  And I, of course, worked a full time job.

As I grew older and ever so gracefully said hello to my twenties, things began to change.  I began to long for the night life, and for a drink every now and then.  I began to feel as if I was missing out on all the fun.  And then, I got pregnant at the tender age of 20, and an unexpected pregnancy it was.  I mean, okay okay... there are consequences to our actions, but sometimes you just don't ever think they apply to you in the exact moment and/or situation. (true story)  This is typically the age where its all about partying and just having fun.  Instead, here I was getting 2 hours of sleep a night with a newborn.  Not exactly my idea of fun or partying at the time.

As months, and even years went on, I began to feel as if I missed out on some very important years of my life; some years that I will never get back.   It was like I went to sleep, and woke up 5 years later, and started a new life.  When really, that's kinda how it happened.  I woke up one day, and I was pregnant.  It was no longer about me, myself, and I.  But I had another being to worry about.  All of which was very and extremely overwhelming.  Not to mention, I felt disappointment from friends and family, and even more so in myself.  I wasn't sure where I was going with my life, but I was obviously in a rush to get there.  Just like I was in a rush to go back; to go back and experience all that I had "missed out" on.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.  ~Anatole France

 

Today, things are different.  I'd say about a year ago, that longing for going out dissipated, along with the desire for a mixed Jolly Rancher.  All I want to do these days, is sit quietly in my room or in my office and become inspired; inspired by myself, my family, and my faith.  I want to go on a family vacation; one that doesn't require a 24/7 agenda, but one where there is nothing to do but relax.  I simply don't care about the "night life", anymore.  I care about growing my family, growing my business, and more importantly, growing my faith.

and yeah, its the small things I miss, these days... Like THIS for one:

Call me old.  Yeah, sometimes I'm in bed before 10, and yeah sometimes I don't like staying out late.  But I also shake my butt in the kitchen, sing at the top of my lungs in the car, and long for a Ford Mustang.

Um, I'm cool no matter what. =D

I am me, and this is me, today. 

A mom.
A wife.
An entrepreneur.


This is my life.

And yeah, I'm still in a rush, but this time not to go backward, but forward.  Into the future.  I want to see where else priorities change, and I want to see where else importance shifts its weight.  I want to see where the yellow brick road leads...

Faith, Love, and Jolly Ranchers,
Casey

A bump here. A bump there. A bump EVERYWHERE.

As many of y'all (yes, I say, "y'all! I'm from, Texas!) know, I went on my very first outing last last last Friday as a handicap. (yeah, this post is a bit late)

-I have no handicap sticker
-I have no walking aid (cane, crutches, or wheelchair)
--The arm of my husband might count, but then again, it doesn't when he has to drop me off at the front of the store, and then go park, and THEN make his way back to the front of the store.  By this time, I am already being looked at like I have some sort of disease. Makes you want to slap some people, if Jesus weren't looking. (yes, I said that. c'mon, you wish you could too, sometimes, don't you?)

So as I stand there aimlessly, and occupying-ly (sometimes, I make up my own words) "browsing" my phone so I don't have to face the stares of the ignorant or the just plain rude, or the kiddos who wonder what the heck happened to this adults feet.  {my daughter says I have rocks in my feet, and that they are broken. =/ }


Then, walks in my knight and shining armor. {insert hallelujah chorus}  Me not being brave enough (or really, me not NOT caring what other people think), I allow him to go and kindly ask for a wheelchair of some sort.  He wheels my aid to my side, and I confusingly sit down (not every wheel chair is the same).  And then we're off!

Up and down the aisles we go!  At Hobby Lobby, where we'll stop, nobody knows!

 {yes, I was slightly drugged}

 {she wanted to pose by these gorgeous whatever they are... lol}

{this is how we scooter-ed along most of the way...}

Okay, okay we stopped in every single aisle that had anything Christmas related adored on those brown metal shelves.  If it looked sparkly and or had a red and green personality, we stopped and sighed at it.  Oh, how I love Christmas time!! And oh how my bank account despises it.  You'd think year after year of collecting Christmas goodies, I'd have enough by now.  But NO, never, will I have enough Christmas shiny red and green goodness adorning my walls, my trees (yes plural), my stair case, my windows, my fireplace, my front yard, doors, and whatever other empty spaces I can find! I LOVE CHRISTMAS!  I'll admit (shhhhhhh), one year, I maxed out an entire credit card JUST to purchase Christmas goodies.  EEK! I know horrible!!!  But, my home sho looks like a cozy wonderland!  Ekk! Even worse!  mmk... back to my humble handicap of story!


ahem.

So Hobby Lobby was fun, and we got minimal goodies needed for a work project, and we were off!

{waiting for prince charming}

To Target... where they have electronic wheelchairs.  Meaning, I wouldn't be pushed around by my knight in shining armor.  It meant, I had to come to my own rescue, and figure out how to work this machine.  Hmm...not pretty...

I bumped that thing so many times, I lost count. And one time, I even bumped my own head in the process.  Don't ask.

 {Bump 1}

{Bump 2. This is where I hit my head. again, don't ask}

I will admit, this time it was harder, and I am so thankful we went just as they were about to close, because I have no clue how people manage to maneuver this thing when there are swarms of people.  Especially those who are crowding the aisle, and see that you need to get through, yet completely ignore you and your hanicap-ness.   I just want to shout, "I'm not that handicap sticker abuser you curse in store parking lots!!"  It was a mess.  All I wanted was colored highlighters, and all that lady wanted to do was dig for hours through the same colored folders over and over again. 


Well, I finally got my colored highlighters, and I made my way not through the aisle, but around the aisle, and 2 others that were also blocked by early school shopping mothers.  And in case you're wondering, yes, I bumped into things along the way.

So, I made my way out only to find myself at yet another road aisle block.  This time it was a mother and her (very picky) 3 year old son browsing through the SALE of $5.00 $4.50 movies.  The boy couldn't make up his mind on what he wanted, and really, that wasn't the problem. I can barely make up my mind on what (sale) movies I want.  However, why she felt the need to take up the entire aisle with her and her basket was completely beyond me. 

ahh! My Knight and Shining Armor (he gets capital letters here for a reason) comes dashing so handsomely down the aisle! (no, really, he was dashing in an effort to get to the other side of the store to grab some batteries before the electronic section closed).  He was like Jesus parting the red sea!  He parted the aisle (the lady and her basket), and paved a nice little pathway for me.  (and here's where he loses the capital letters)  Before I could thank my handsome prince, he's off back to the other end of the store.  He leaves me, to be, wondering aimlessly and bitterly through the home decor section, where I run into yet another road aisle block.  One, where I had to sit and stare in order for people to move.  (ugh)  I know, I know.  Why didn't I open my mouth??  yeah yeah.  People need to open their eyes, see, and be courteous.  (this is me being bitter)

Comes time to check out.  I see an empty lane open, but its at the front register, and I was, of course, at the back.  I make my way around the other register, and the hippo of a wheelchair didn't fit through, and got stuck!  So, some lady and her kids beat me to it. ARGH!  Then.... just then... a sweet girl sees my "disability", and makes her way through to the closed register located oh so thankfully right in front me.  She laughed with me (not at me), and we paid, and I was off... to park that thing right back where I found it.  I didn't even have Jr get the car to pick me up, I just wanted to get out of there, and so I walked, very painfully, all the way back to the car.  (prideful, much? sure, why not?)


Today is Tuesday, and that has been my last outing, and will probably be my last outing until further notice.


All in all, despite my ongoing complaints, that experience really did humble me.  And it reminded me of a forever ago episode of Tyra, where she dresses up as "fat person", and makes her way down the streets of New York City.  She received so much hate and so much ridicule a long the way, that it drove her to tears (not that that takes much, but you know what I mean).  She set out on her "fat person" adventure to make a point; how society can be so mean, cruel, and just plain ugly.  I felt like Tyra that night as I slowly made my way around Hobby Lobby and Target. I wanted to crawl in the basket of that wheelchair and cry like a big fat baby.

I commend those... and who's to say who "those" are?  Nowadays, people (you and I included) stare at everything they stick their nose up at.  Why?  What makes you, me, her, him so much better?  What makes you higher than authority to point out your ugly finger and point and then laugh?  We're equally alike, and we're all equally unique.  Nobody is better than anybody, right?  God made us in His image; not yours or mine.  So yeah, next time, there's a handicap mama cruising down your aisle, either kindly get out of the way, or heck, even offer to get something down from the shelf.  =D


Be kind.

Be love.

{by the end of the week. lol}

Stayed tuned tomorrow for my 3 week check-up! Weehoo! 3 weeks already?? Yeah, it feels longer. ha!



Faith, Love, and Wheelchairs,
Casey

A Stop Light to Remember

I've always known about God, but I haven't always known Him.

I grew up around rules and regulations that dealt with God, but somehow the relationship was lost in the mix.  There was so much focus on what needed to be done, and what the next important step was to take your religious faith to a new level.  It seemed that the next flag became more important than the actual finish line and all that was in between faded in the background. My husband and I, coming from the same religious background, we came from the same religious views, and we walked down the same religious path.  We were taught a lot, and we knew a lot, but yet, we hadn't experienced enough. 

I knew there was a God, but I didn't know Him.  I knew He existed, but I didn't experience Him. 

It wasn't until my husband lost his job in 2009, my world turned upside down.  What about my schooling?  What about Aislynn's schooling?  What about our bills?  Our cars?  Our apartment rent?  What about food?  What about everything??  And what about God?  Where was He??  Didn't He care?  Didn't He know what kind of mess we were in?  Didn't He know what kind of hardships we were about to endure?  Where was He and why didn't He care??  How could He let this happen??

Those months were the hardest months of my entire life.  We had no way out, and in my husband's line of work, when its bad its real bad, but when its good, its real good.  He wasn't the only one who shared the bad news with their family that day, but He was the only one to try and figure out how to get out of this mess.  I was going to school full time, and Aislynn was also in school.  We didn't have many choices.  Our only choice at that point was to rely on God; something we never really had to do in all of our lives.

You mean I had to rely on somebody I hardly knew?  Someone who I am told to trust, yet never developed a relationship with?  How's that supposed to happen?


Well it did. At a stop light in Cypress, TX.  On my way home from school.  KSBJ was on, and so were my nerves.  They were in a mass of confusion, sadness, worry, helplessness... you name it.  All I wanted to do was cry, and all I wanted was for things to get better, and for everything to go back to the way they were.  I sat in Houston's 5pm rush hour traffic, and I laid my head back, and closed my eyes for just a second.  God touched my heart that moment, and as tears filled my eyes, peace filled my heart.  There in that very moment, I knew Him.  I experienced Him.  I felt His presence like I never had before.  I cried the rest of the way home, and I knew I was on the path of somewhere else; somewhere I'd never traveled before; somewhere of hope, of love, of peace, of happiness.

{For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -- Matthew 6:32-34}

God took away Jr's job for a reason, and although it was extremely rough, it extremely changed my life, and then shortly changed His.  We still have a long way to go in our faith as individuals and as a one, but we're glad we're important enough for Him to want and have the need to dramatically and radically change our lives.

We're still learning.  We're still healing.  We're still praising!  We're still faithfully believing!  Our God is an AWESOME God, and He never said it would easy.  In fact He said we will go through trials and tribulations in this lifetime.  But He also said, He would never leave us nor forsake us.

{I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. -- John 16:33}

Thank you, Lord, for your unfailing LOVE!  Help us to become true disciples of your Kingdom. Mold us into the vessels needed to do the works of Your Kingdom.  We will follow You all the days of our life!  You are worthy, Lord!




btw. The purpose of this post isn't to offend, and wasn't to say who's faith is "right" and who's faith is "wrong".  Its to say, there is no religion with God.  He isn't impressed by the literal steps we take, but more so by the spiritual steps we take.  Its about that beautiful, awesome, like no other relationship with Him.  Its about knowing Him.  Its about experiencing Him.  However you do this, you're doing it right!  Don't let anybody ever tell you different!  Live and live faithfully and fearfully!

{Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. -- John 14:6}

 




Faith, love, & a Stop Light, 

Casey

Markers, Stickers, and Everything Colorful.

{written 7/27/11}

As you all might have read in yesterday's post, Aislynn and I are finding new ways to get creative and spend our time, since mommy can't do much.  Here's what was on the agenda yesterday!

 ps. excuse my longer than usual toe nails.  

I haven't been able to cut them, as they are still numb, and send a not so lovely feeling shooting up my foot.

^ ^ Before ^ ^

I hadn't realized how boo boo her markers had gotten.  

Daddy picked some new ones up after work. 

We can't have faulty design tools.

 She's good to go!

 ^ ^ The mouth of concentration syndrome, which she gets from her mommy, which I get from my dad. 

I like to say he has the worst case of us all. yep! ^ ^

^ ^ Yes, that's hair on my leg, but YES, I FINALLY DID shave last night! Ahhhh! FREEDOM! ^ ^

 And now, the stickers! 

Stickers make everything pretty! 

Especially Lisa Frank stickers!

 All done!  

Why she didn't get more creative is beyond me. 

We'll try next week as I get new bandages on Monday.

And then she dropped me like a hot tamale in order to look out for daddy. =P

Happy Monday!
Blessed week, everyone!

Faith and Love, 

Casey